"The (Forgotten) Proverbs 31 Man"

In Christian circles, so much is said about the "Proverbs 31" woman without actually reading and studying the passage.  I can appreciate all the T-shirts, organizations and "Proverbs 31" posters that we Christians like to sell and buy, but every now and then we've got to get back to the basics of the scripture and what it teaches.

Here's one basic: as we see in verse two from Solomon's most well-known passage: the Proverbs were written by a man to his son.  (We'll come back to that in a moment.)

I've always thought it was interesting how we tend to handle this one chapter from Proverbs by ignoring its first nine verses. There is a lot more to it than the virtuous woman.  She's married, after all.  I'd almost forgotten that myself and had to be reminded that Chapter 31 doesn't start at verse ten. I highlighted some of the most important teachings for men below:

#1 -  The primary audience of for the chapter is MEN...it is a book written from a man to his son. Let's stop beating women over the head with one under-understood chapter. If anything, it is supposed to help us identify a GOOD woman. It doesn't appear to be a manual for us to ridicule women.

#2 - "Do not give your strength to women." means we have to be disciplined and maintain our discipline. Solomon alludes to his son displaying kingly behavior and whoring after women is definitely not for kings. We have to be about our missions.

#3 - Drinking to excess is for those who are perishing. It isn't for rulers and kings, like you are. Get it together and put down the Patron. Most of verses one through nine deal with maintaining sobriety.

#4 - Defend the rights of the afflicted and needy.  Elsewhere, Solomon teaches his son that it's only the righteous who even understand justice. We must stand up for those people who can't speak up for themselves. This is kingly behavior, kings.

I can't ignore that the bulk of the passage is describing a wonderful woman, wife and mother of virtue.  I can only remind the reader that Solomon is seeking to show his son what she looks like and how she carries herself.  I don't know where she got all of these great qualities.  Perhaps she was taught by her own mother?

Suffice it to say we have no license to run around showing random women how short they fall of the Proverbs 31 standard.  The chief pupil, men, is the man reading these words.  We must ask ourselves, therefore, are we disciplined, sober and just in all of our actions for these are the character traits to which Solomon, the Koholeth, is trying to inspire us.

Amen?

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Mark's 10 "Be's" of Social Media

(I just thought this was a cool picture of bees.)

People ask me all the time for my tips on how to use social media to advance your business, expand your network and overall improve your life. Forgive the stiff introduction...everybody has their own reasons for using any social media outlet. It's nearly impossible for me to see through the computer screen into your motivations.

If you are anything like me, you've got a number of motivations. For example, I use Twitter mostly for therapy...I've read that 85% of "tweets" are ignored, so it's a decent outlet for getting things off your chest without much repercussion. On the other hand, I use Facebook when I want a response. People can't help giving their opinions on Facebook and I usually design my postings to allow them to do it. I love it.

Google+ and LinkedIn and there and I am still working out their place in my own life. I can tell you I've made a number of great business contacts and online sales as a result of LinkedIn, so I know it's good for that. Here are my guidelines. I follow them pretty well. Let me know what you think.

1. Be there. I am reading that 40% of people still don't have Facebook accounts. Okay...so you don't care what I had for dinner. But here's the problem: your prospects and customers care what you had for dinner and, if they can't find you, they'll forget about you. These days, the first thing a new prospect will do is Google you. They expect to be able to find you and connect with you quickly.

2. Be active. If you're going to have a Twitter account, by all means do some tweeting! It's another way for people to engage and learn more about you. Believe it or not, people pay attention. If you advertise a Twitter account and people log on to find ZERO tweets, what are you telling them about your attentiveness?

3. Be anything but boring. The worst thing you can be is boring. The worst! Say something. Do something. Take a picture of something. Take advantage of the chance to let your personality shine through. Don't worry. People will like you.

4. Be authentic. While you're focusing on being exciting, remember to be yourself. People can tell a phony from a mile away, so don't be one of them! I advised you to be anything but boring and I stand by that. But don't put on a show either. People get sick of that and the last thing you want to be considered is a joke.

5. Be transparent. When you're being truly transparent, you will feel naked. If you aren't showing people something of your true self, you're wasting your time and everyone else's. People are often afraid that being transparent will alienate people, but that couldn't be further from the truth. You might lose a contact or two, but the strength of your other relationships will more than make up for any loses.

6. Be business-minded. I've found that the people who are most fruitful with social media are ALWAYS ABOUT THEIR BUSINESS even in the midst of posting about their fishing trip. That's great. Just don't be all about business all the time or people will tune you out because they'll feel like you're "selling" them on something.

7. Be leveraged. It doesn't have to be hard work. There are a ton of tools that make using Facebook, Twitter, Google+, LinkedIn and even your blog easier to use. HootSuite and TweetDeck are two of them. SocialOomph is another. With TweetDeck, I can post updates and photos to all of my sites and groups at once whenever I want to and follow all the replies in one place. It's much more sane than bouncing around from page to page posting and replying.

8. Be blogging. Sometimes you have more to say than 140 characters (the Twitter limit) can contain. Facebook allows 420 characters. But what if that isn't enough? Start a blog. With Blogger and Wordpress, it will take you about two minutes. You have no excuse! You might even use your blog as sort of a personal journal. Go for it. I'm confident you have some interesting thoughts to share.

9. Be bold. This relates to my thoughts about business, blogging and such. You can't be bashful. You have to be bold. If you need help overcoming a challenge, say so! You might be shocked at how quickly people will come forward with assistance. If you need more customers to come by your cake shop, say so! The old axiom "A closed mouth doesn't get fed" is still true and maybe more true than ever as more and more birds are chirping.

10. Be ready to take it offline. Social media is great, but doesn't replace the good, old-fashioned sales call or networking meeting. Take advantage of opportunities to connected with your online friends whenever possible. Put together your own event, if you must. Meeting people with whom you've only interacted online previously is exciting! I promise you'll get some stories to tell if nothing else.

Like, anything else, you will get out of social media what you put into it. The law of sowing and reaping works there, too. One thing is for sure: it isn't going away. Social media are a part of our world and part of our future. Therefore, we all have to make sure they work for us and our goals instead of against us. We certainly can't opt out.

If you are looking for helping understanding social media and building your own strategy, check out this resource! It's perfect for you! Also, I'm hear for your questions.  Let me know how I can serve you!

Mark Anthony

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3 Ways You Can Be a Real-life Superhero!

(By the way, those are real people pictured above.)

Need a movie to watch that's a little different? Check out "SUPERHEROES" and tell me it doesn't change your perspective on some things...a lot of things. This docu-movie tells the stories of the growing Real-Life Superhero Movement and its "heroes" who are fighting crime, patrolling neighborhoods and dark city streets and generally doing good in cities all over the country. Chances are you have a few in your city, too. You might even be one.

(More on that in a minute.)

When the movie first starts, these people come across as half-crazy idiots. I'm not gonna lie. Who puts on a costume (some of them call their outfits uniforms because they are there to serve) and walks around looking for trouble-makers? Who trains in martial arts and makes their own utility belts? Who paints a Corvette into a Super-mobile? Insanity.

But is it? After a while, you see these are people who've made a simple decision that a lot of us have yet to make. They will not let the world around them go to hell in a hand basket and do nothing about it! They will not remain silent. They will make a change...even if small. The world will know they were here. What if people knew something good was going to happen every time they saw your car coming?

Bravo!

(Some of them are still crazy, I think.)

So...I'm watching these men and women leave home every day to walk the streets looking for wrongs to right and it strikes me: what in the hell am I doing to make a difference? A REAL difference? I'm looking at this guy who calls himself "Zetaman" along with his wife and another named "Master Legend" and realize that (while they're wearing bright tights and armor) they are sponsoring food drives, bandaging injured homeless people and pulling drunk drivers off of the road. Meanwhile, I may have been watching the lastest episode of Breaking Bad. Maybe I'm the crazy one? This guy pictured below, Mr. Xtreme, helped catch a rapist who is now serving 34 years in prison.

Anyway. I'm determined to no longer watch and SMH at people who are in financial despair, lonely, purposeless and ignorant of how to do better. I've set my heart and mind on becoming a real-life superhero. For real. Call me LiveBig Man or something! I'll work on the name. I promise. In the mean time, I'm starting on the most important part of the process. DOING SOMETHING!! Superheroes are allowed to change their names and their uniforms anyway. Batman's done it several times.

Want to join my League of Justice? Here are three ways you, too, can be a superhero:

1. Care. We have to start caring again. Our hearts can't be cold when we see hungry and hurting people. We have to care. I'm guilty of having a heart of stone at times. I've cared, but cared more about my own vision more. Now I see that my mission is to use my vision to make a difference on this side of life that will ripple throughout eternity. That's real impact.

2. Do something...anything! The Bible often records that Jesus was filled with compassion. Compassion isn't just feeling badly. Compassion has a couple of important elements when we examine the word more closely. First, it means we feel another person's suffering almost as if it is our own. Second, it means we act out of this feeling to alleviate the pain. Feeling pity isn't compassion. Very few people, if any, need your pity. People need your compassion.

3. Start today. Decide where you're going to make an impact and get started. You can do something today. You can sow a seed into someone's life. You can pray for someone. You can visit a friend from whom you've not heard in a long time. He or she might be longing for someone to reach out to them. Volunteer at the local school to read to some children. There is something you can do to be a hero is someone's life today wherever you are.

Remember this: the world needs you. Injustice must not stand. You and I can do great works through Christ. We are not in the battle alone as Believers. Let's be about His business. Need some inspiration. Watch the movie and then tell me what you CAN'T do. The Dark Guardian (pictured above) needs your help!

What would your superhero name be?

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What Should I Teach My Children About Money?

My daughters get so excited when their birthdays come around. I love seeing their faces light up. One of them, my youngest, does the "countdown" thing. You know what I mean. She starts telling people her birthday is coming about two months away from the date. And, like so many young people in America, they are spoiled by their wonderful grandparents with money and gift cards. They get so excited thinking and talking about all the new things they're going to buy: jewelry, hair accessories, books, candy and gum, assorted trinkets and other things that most adults usually regard as crap.

No big deal perhaps, but I get concerned. On the one hand, they are kids. Why stand in their way of spending every possible nickel they can scrounge together on Laffy Taffy and Nerds? Who cares if they have a growing collection of lip glosses and bottle caps beyond the number of lip glosses and bottle caps anyone should own? Does it really matter? I think it matters for everything, and I'm out to make sure they learn Biblical principles of stewardship and prosperity now.

How we teach our children to handle money, matters because so many of our attitudes and aptitudes are developed early in life. It matters because most of us want our children to do better than we have done and excel where we feel like we've failed. It matters because we ourselves are merely stewards over the great gifts' God has given us in them. We are charged with delivering back to God mature, Godly people who will glorify Him by way of their choices and lives. How we teach our young people to handle money matters. That’s why I'm not excited to hear them plan on buying every Snickers bar in the store!

Here are three eternal Biblical principles I am convinced we are required teach our young people about money as early as they're able to understand (and even before in some cases):


1. Everything is the Lords. Honor God with your choices and use your resources to make a difference.

"FOR THE EARTH IS THE LORD'S, AND ALL IT CONTAINS." ~1 Corinthians 10:26 (NASB)
For a Believer, the key to relating to material goods is understanding that everything belongs to God. Everything. Then, the questions of whether to tithe, give, support ministries or otherwise show generosity in our communities become a lot easier to answer. When the Lord blesses us, we are not to grasp onto every penny for dear life with closed fists. When the Lord places resources at our disposal, it is an opportunity to show the world His heart. I want my daughters to know this.

2. Only a fool spends everything that comes into their hands on their pleasures.
"He who loves pleasure will become a poor man; He who loves wine and oil will not become rich." ~Proverbs 21:17 (NASB)

It is okay to use resources to enjoy life, but hedonism leads only to poverty. I prefer to tell them to spend, but spend wisely. Enjoy, but never go overboard. Solomon wrote about there being such a thing as "too much honey" and how it makes everyone groan. I want them to know the best of life, but also be prepared for the future by making sure she's setting aside for it. W. Clement Stone once said "If you cannot save money, then the seeds of greatness are not in you. “How many of us have looked back and groaned at all the money that went through our hands for which we have nothing to show? Too many. I want my daughters to know this, too, and make good decisions.

3. You reap what you sow, so sow well, sow bountifully and sow joyfully and without worry.

"Now this I say, he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed."~2 Corinthians 9:6-8 (NASB)

If I haven't learned anything else, it is this. However, I have learned to see it as the ultimate positive – the ultimate promise of God's lasting goodness! We often tell people "you'll reap what you sow" as a warning. We want them to know that the entire Cosmos will work out their punishments for every bad choice they've ever made. But here's the other side of it. God makes the entire Cosmos work together a blessing for every good seed you sow! I want my daughters to know this and live it every day.

I'm doing everything I can to help my daughters understand the importance of tithing, sowing, saving and spending wisely with every dollar that comes into their lives. I am committed to helping them experience God's best here on Earth and when we want God's best, how we handle money matters…a lot. By teaching them God's principles, we are setting a positive course for their lives that will ripple through eternity and even help them earn heavenly rewards.

That is why I frown when my girls want a month's supply of bubble gum.

By the way, here's the link to something I bought for my daughters when they were very young ---> The Money Savvy Pig. This is the picture I have at the top of this blog. I think they're starting to "get" it!

Originally published in Christian Quarterly Magazine here: ORIGINAL POSTING

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Is Dating REALLY a Waste of Time?

I referenced this concept before in my previous blog that went over like a lead balloon.


My goal with this blog is simple today - I DON'T WANT YOU TO MAKE IT ANOTHER BLOCKBUSTER...ooops...Redbox NIGHT!!!   I WANT YOU TO GO SOMEWHERE, WITH SOMEBODY, SOME TIME.  PLEASE!!!???

You will not shrivel up and die if you walk inside a Chili's with a member of the opposite sex.

You have not forfeited your kingdom inheritance if you go to coffee with somebody.

There is no commandment that says "Thou shalt not hit the comedy club sometime."

Most important, every interaction with a man (or woman) doesn't have to be a wrestling match to make it to the altar or DIE!

Let's stop being so afraid of messing up that we do nothing with nobody at no time.

"He was a waste of my time!"  He was a waste of your time, huh?  Well, maybe you were a waste of his money?  I hate, hate, hate hearing this.  I believe everybody is getting SOMETHING out of every relationship they maintain.

There are lessons in every relationship and VALUE to be gained. Also, unless you are being held captive, relationships are CONSENSUAL. That's means you are both getting some value out of it...even if it's just not having to go to the church picnic alone AGAIN.  Maybe you're getting the satisfaction of believing someone cares about you?  Maybe you're getting low-cost meals and movies?  Maybe you're just happy to been seen with SOMEBODY at the family reunion?  Either way, you got something if you were hanging around!  

Me personally? I see value and growth opportunities in every relationship. And, yes, there is often a TREMENDOUS value in having simple companionship. For example, even if you and "dude" aren't going all the way to the altar doesn't mean you can't have a good friendship, relationship and fun times...what if you use it as a time to learn about yourself, about men (or women if you're a man) and about what to look for in a partner in the future? 

Now...

I also assume you're not complicating things with sex. My working assumption is that you're going to see Planet of the Apes and then hitting the Waffle House and going home!  Right?  It doesn't have to get overly dramatic....and it usually doesn't so long as clothes stay on.

We cool? Some of you are still going to be concerned about feeling like you're wasting your time.  That's why I created this program!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.

All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

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"How Can I Learn to Trust Again?"

I am often asked to respond to people telling me they've been let down, hurt, devastated and don't know how to trust people again.  I get that.  I have been betrayed and stabbed in the back myself...my back looks like a dart board by this point.  However, we can't allow ourselves to live in that place.  We have to move on if we're going to do and get all God has called us to be and have.

Along those lines, here are three keys I'd like you to understand and internalize:

(1) Actions are individual
(2) People are people
(3) You are a person, too!

Let me explain.

(1) Just because we feel like people have let us down...or people have betrayed us...doesn't mean every person will betray us. It only takes the right relationship with the right person to change everything!  Hang in there!

(2) Folks are just folks. They all have the capacity to let us down. At some point, everyone will do something that hurts us deeply. No doubt. If the apostles could turn their back on the son of God, surely, regular Joe can turn his back on Mark McCray. I'm not saying don't trust anybody. I'm just saying enjoy people as best you can and extend as much grace as you can when they come up short.

(3) You are a person, too. You have hurt people. You've betrayed them. You've let them down and turned your back on them, too.  Perhaps they just didn't tell you about it. Perhaps they put on a tough face when they felt like you had cut their heart out with a dagger?

Finally, I stand in agreement with you in prayer and encouragement. I pray God's grace will be with you.  You may be facing some deep personal challenges. I have, too, but I have found that God can and will sustain through the crisis!

Please share this with someone you know who may be looking for a little bit of encouragement this day...and please, please, please remember to join my Facebook page.  I want to stay connected with you!

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‎"How Can I Learn to Trust Again?"

I am often asked to respond to people telling me they've been let down, hurt, devastated and don't know how to trust people again. I get that. I have been betrayed and stabbed in the back myself...my back looks like a dart board by this point. However, we can't allow ourselves to live in that place. We have to move on if we're going to do and get all God has called us to be and have.

Along those lines, here are three keys I'd like you to understand and internalize:

(1) Actions are individual
(2) People are people
(3) You are a person, too!

Let me explain.

(1) Just because we feel like people have let us down...or people have betrayed us...doesn't mean every person will betray us. It only takes the right relationship with the right person to change everything! Hang in there!

(2) Folks are just folks. They all have the capacity to let us down. At some point, everyone will do something that hurts us deeply. No doubt. If the apostles could turn their back on the son of God, surely, regular Joe can turn his back on Mark McCray. I'm not saying don't trust anybody. I'm just saying enjoy people as best you can and extend as much grace as you can when they come up short.

(3) You are a person, too. You have hurt people. You've betrayed them. You've let them down and turned your back on them, too. Perhaps they just didn't tell you about it. Perhaps they put on a tough face when they felt like you had cut their heart out with a dagger?

Finally, I stand in agreement with you in prayer and encouragement. I pray God's grace will be with you. You may be facing some deep personal challenges. I have, too, but I have found that God can and will sustain through the crisis!

Please share this with someone you know who may be looking for a little bit of encouragement this day...and please, please, please remember to join my "Live BIG! Die Empty." Facebook page. I want to stay connected with you!

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A Financial Plan for Black America

There's not a whole lot that just disturbs me. I'm pretty laid back (no lie detectors here on my blog, right?), but when I saw this story tweeted the day before yesterday, it shocked me - even woke me up and wouldn't let me get back to sleep. And I believe in getting good sleep.

But no. My peace was gone. I couldn't roll around on my bed drooling into my pillow after reading how Black Americans are twenty-times poorer than White Americans according to the last Census. As I read the article, my mind starting racing. I knew things were bad, but this bad? How could this be? Why could this be? What can be done about it? This was crazy. The median white family has twenty times the net worth of the median black family. I'm being repetitive, but let that sink in for a second.

Now come back...

I saw them talking about this on "Morning Joe" or one of those other "news and opinion" programs my folks like to watch. They (OF COURSE!) had a black person on there to talk about it. It was Melissa Harris-Perry. She seems like a fine writer and contributor...but...in about two minutes, the dialogue turned to the subject of jobs. Jobs. Jobs? This ain't about jobs, people! This ain't about income. This is about wealth! Net wealth, to be more specific, what's left after you've paid off all those people sending you bills. This is generational stuff we're dealing with here.

(You'll notice it's only poor people who talk about income. Rich people talk about worth.)

I thought about posting a question on my Facebook page asking people what they thought about the article and possible solutions. I was going to address the topic to black people only so I could read all the responses and plan to do the opposite. I thought that might be unnecessarily divisive, so I passed on that idea. I also thought it might be tough for a lot of black folks, my folks, to read these statistics without complaining about systemic racism and such. Systemic and individual racism still exist in this country. No doubt about it. Racism has impacted my own wallet in ways I may never know.

However, when talking about wealth and income disparity, the less endowed often fall back on complaining - and complaining isn't a plan. So, here's where we are. We need to do something differently and we need to do something now. Here are some of my ideas. Please let me know yours, because, as one of my old friends likes to say: "This is some bull spit!"

1. Black Americans need to stop talking about jobs. We need to be building careers and, better still, businesses. Business and entrepreneurship may be our solution. Working is better (maybe?) than not working, but vastly inferior to owning something. By and large, we own nothing. We don't own the means of getting something. I think this is the first front in the war. I hear black women say they want their man to have a job. How about having a company? A career?

2. Black Americans need to get married and stay married. We destroy wealth, income, savings and stability with the way we (fail to) manage our relationships. Not only are we destroying what we have worked for, but we make it harder to come back up. Too many separate accounts, too much money going to employ child support office workers, two electric bills, too many people renting and not able to afford to own homes.

3. Black Americans need to stop investing so much time and energy into trinkets. I can't remember the last time I saw a white person behind the wheel when I'm being passed by an Escalade on chrome rims. I'm sure there are some driving them. If I think out loud about the wealthiest people I know - mostly white and Jewish - here's what they drive: pre-owned Lexus E-Series, Subaru, new Cadillac sedan, pre-owned Lexus (old-style body SUV), Prius. Just so you know, at least two of those men are worth well in excess of $25 million. The one who drives the Caddy is worth over $200 million. On the other hand, I have known too many people with the new Benz and no garage to park it in. We must stop gaining a sense of worth from Air Jordans and put that money into college funds.

4. Black Americans need to invest and maybe even over-invest in insurance. Along with home ownership, this is the biggest issue regarding generational wealth. Minorities often have to start over from scratch with each successive generation. If we're not going to have businesses and real estate to pass to our children, we should at least try to make sure they don't have to dip into savings to put us in the ground. That's all I'm saying.

5. Black Americans need to turn off the television and pick up more books. We need ideas. Hard work alone isn't going to get us where we need to be. I think it was Napoleon Hill who said great wealth - when it comes quickly - is never the result of hard work, but of hard thought. Or something like that. I'm mangling the guys quote probably. The point is still made. We need to know less, a lot less, about what Ice and Coco are up to. We need to know more, a lot more, about what's driving these astronomical gold prices and how we can get in on that action.

6. Black Americans need to volunteer more and even work together. As business owners, can we stop trying to take over the world alone so often? I respect your dream to own a salon. Maybe we can partner up and build a chain across the entire region? You say your mama's chicken and biscuits are the best ever? If the world can support a fast food Chinese restaurant, I ought to be able to get some chittlins and greens through the drive-thru somewhere. Even lions hunt together.

What else? Talk back to me. Email me. Tweet me. I'm really trying to put together some solutions here. This thing has me beside myself...but only because we all know it's true. The situation is even worse for single black women. But that's for another day...

(By the way, I know I'm guilty of making this a black-white issue. Latinos aren't doing much better. In some categories, they are doing worse.)

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:

Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

Click HERE for information on Mark as a speaker or presenter and HERE to learn about coaching programs to help you realize your potential and live more prosperously!

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"Trouble In My Home"

By Crystal Monae - Our Special Guest Blogger

When you can not get around, over, or through a rough patch in a marriage or relationship in general, it could be for many reasons.  One of the most common impediments is the inability to go through it together. Either both people want out after there is no quick resolution or one person holds on while the other one checks out. We are a microwave, get-rich-quick, make it happen now, and selfish generation. You pray to God and you expect Him to work a miracle quick, fast, and in a hurry. You hand God your list (He/She is selfish, arrogant, lazy, rude, demanding, not understanding, insecure, easily offended, too thrifty, spends too much money, doesn’t stroke me the right way with my ego or in the bedroom) and then you say to God work it out for me.

We have to remember that it took God time to do a work with us.  

Don’t you remember Him nudging you, beckoning you, and all the while still loving you? Did you say, "Yes Lord!" right away? No. You ran. You fought. You hid. You bargained. You straddled. You did all of those things until you realized that God loved you, accepted you, and that He was not going any where. That is what your spouse wants - to know that you love them, that you accept them, and that you are not going any where.

Now you are asking me, "Why don’t they know that already?" Well, have you built a fortress around you and in return, have they have built an igloo around them? You know what I mean.  It’s really icy in your home or should I say in your crib because both of you are caged inside acting like babies. And it goes further. No one is talking or you give short answers, no affection or no I want you looks, and no one is putting any validating words of love out there because you stopped saying I love you a long time ago (probably when the sex was canceled).

Now you are saying, "I would, but he/she is so defensive?" Well, are you offensive? Are both of you not playing on the same team, with the same goals, and the same mission?  Hmmm....so you pray harder but God is silent. He is not changing them. The silent treatment and withdrawal are by no means improving the situation, because now you have asked Satan to come play with you all in your crib and Satan says, "Now this is my kind of party! Let me see all the ways I can divide what was once whole and keep both of them from kingdom living.  This is definitely a 2-for-1 special. If there are kids involved I can destroy them too by ruining their self-esteem, their confidence in their parents, and their confidence in God."

Up goes the heat, up goes the Satanic influence, and the relationship seems unbearable. I said it seems unbearable, only because your spiritual eyes have gone dim and you are too weak to tell Satan it is time for him to go. Pain has evolved into hurt, so you decide that it is time for you to go and let Satan cheer, because you simply can not handle the heartache any longer and you have lost your joy.

The joy of the Lord is your strength. 

Picture your family whole and joyous. Envisioning the promise will propel you into destiny. When you give up while God is telling you to stay, what it all boils down to is that you don’t trust God. Now don’t let me loose you here, because I know that you are saying, "I trust God" and that is probably true to some degree. You trust God with you, but you don’t trust God to do a work in your significant other. You want them changed in a twinkling of an eye, even though it took you much longer to simply get saved.

To your natural eye it looks nasty and hopeless. Ah but grace, truth, and time must be invited in. Love is patient. Love is kind. Work through the pain together. Find out the etiology of the pain together.


Love your spouse into restoration.

Know how to love. Find out their love language. Show them the love of God which is so strong that it can not, will not be denied. Who knows, the biggest lesson may be for both of you and not the one who you believe needs a big change. God may want to know if you will stand still for a season or two or three until you come out on the other side.

Will you return a blessing and say it was just too much for me to handle? Will you give up on God?  Well my sweet, I must tell you that God will not put more on you than you can bear. We usually give up right when God is about to turn the tide, right when you are about to receive your breakthrough and gain a powerful testimony of God’s faithfulness.

Personally, I have received my greatest rewards when I stayed with God to the bitter end.


If God says stay, you better stay. If God says go, you better go.

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"Why Every (Wo)Man NEEDS a Goliath in Their Life"

We've become a generation of people who shy away from a fight. These days it is perfectly acceptable to be anything, do anything, believe anything as long as you're peaceful about it. Sometimes, however, each of us needs a good tussle. It's in the battle that we grow to another level. The fight in the valley is what stands between us and our next level.

I believe God sometimes answers our prayers for promotion by sending us a mean, obnoxious, ill-tempered giant to stand in our way and mock us - our Goliath.

Let's take a quick look at some verses from the 17th Chapter of 1 Samuel wherein the story of David and Goliath is told:

"The Philistines stood on the mountain on one side while Israel stood on the mountain on the other side, with the valley between them. Then a champion came out from the armies of the Philistines named Goliath, from Gath..." ~1 Samuel 17:3-4

We can see already that the battle is going to go down in the valley. Wow! So much symbolism there. Now, we know from reading the previous chapter that David has already been anointed, however, at this point, he is still serving in fairly menial tasks. His oldest brother mocks him later in the passage asking David whether he has some sheep he needs to go check on. David has a great future, a great promise, but he's still a nobody! You'll see as you study that the king and his general don't even know who he is after he's won the battle.

But David's promotion was coming right around the bend!

Maybe your promotion is right around the corner, too? Maybe you've been serving faithfully, but in obscurity all the while knowing the Lord has His hands on you for something greater?

My point of view is just as God used David's fight with the Champion of Gath to propel David into his future, your promotion may depend upon your engaging in the fight. Goliath mocked Isreal morning and night for 40 days until they were sick of hearing him. How long has your Goliath stood in front of you DARING YOU TO FIGHT?!

Do you really want to walk in your purpose?
Do you really want to be all God has made you to be?
Do you really want freedom for your family?
Do you really want the friendships and marriage you say you want?
Do you really want the prosperity that transforms your life and your children's lives?

If you want God's best, you're going to have to fight! And in His Providence, God has made sure you've got a real, fearsome, giant enemy opposing you! Praise God!

Here are some important lessons I learned from reading about David and Goliath (in no specific order):

1. Your enemy will mock you by calling you something other than you are. Goliath called Israel's army "servants of Saul" but David called them "the armies of the living God." Know who you are!

2. Defeating Goliath may be the key to the relationships, wealth and purpose you've been seeking. David was promised a wife, riches, freedom for his family and never returned to his father's house after the victory. In the next chapter, he meets Jonathan. What blessings are on the other side of your victory?

3. To the faithless, your enemy will be fearful. But, when David finally heard the challenge, all we see him talking about is what the reward for victory will be. That's why I have come to believe in writing out the vision and even using vision boards. Sometimes we have to keep the promise of pleasure in front of us in order to persevere through the pain.

4. I wonder to myself whether a (wo)man is even "living" unless he's in the battle. What can you call what David's brothers were doing? Cowardice is not even within the Biblical definition of "man" anywhere you look. Can we continue to live lives filled with fear? There is always something to run from for the fearful.

5. Most important, it's in the battle that we get to know ourselves and our God. David would never be the same. No one would ever look at him the same. His story still inspires to this day. We come to know God's greatness in those moments wherein His gives us victory where defeat seemed inevitable. Since the Lord already knows the victory is won, the real lesson is ours to learn. We talk about faith, but who needs God-sized faith to watch TV all day?

God uses Goliath to build our faith for future battles.

So, here's your action item to take from this blog: Instead of avoiding the battle like Saul's armies did for too long, know that "the Lord does not deliver by sword or spear" and ask Him which weapons to use. Then, rush into the battle!

Just like we see with the reaction of Saul's army, your victory will encourage others to fight, too...and maybe that's part of what it's all about anyway?

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