As long as we're talking...how can a single, marriage-minded woman "un-single" herself?

Not every single woman is looking for a mate.  Many are.  Several of them struggle with dating and ask me how they can "find a good man" or something along those lines worded slightly differently.  A woman well-versed in Christianese will instead ask "how can I be found" but the concept is the same.  How can she Un-Single herself?

The fact is that almost every single, marriage-minded man who wants to get married, will get married. On the other hand, if she's not married by 30, most women in this category WON'T get married.  So, here's my question...what qualities separate the women who are in successful, happy, relationships from those who aren't?

Before you send me "hate male" (intentional wording!), please recognize that I AM ASKING A QUESTION here!  If you are single and female, I am not equating being single with being diseased!  I am not blaming you...as if it's some sort of shameful tragedy.  I AM ASKING A QUESTION.

I get asked this a lot.  Daily.  So, I am asking you, the reader, but you are, undoubtedly, smarter than I am on this topic.  Allow me to paint a scenario and pose the question slightly differently.

Joseph decides he is ready to consider marrying. He meets Tanya, Sally, Sue, Brenda, Thelma, Megan, Madison and Bridgett...all of whom are interested in him.  He is attracted to and interested in all of them.  

After going out with each of them a couple of times, Joseph decides to pursue an exclusive relationship with Tanya.  What makes Tanya stand out as a serious candidate?  Are there tangible differences in looks, behavior, attitude, spirituality, etc. that will determine which one Joseph is more likely to pursue?

Before you laugh at the word picture, please understand that I'm not that far off-base statistically.  If I am a black single Christian man in the United States, I might be in this exact position.  I'm not negating the woman's power to choose.  Far from it.  In my view, she has the ultimate power to choose.  I'm asking. 

Some get really uncomfortable with the suggestion that there is some personally responsibility involved. However, it is Biblical to consider that there are some learned skills involved. Making it "random" or attempting to rationalize it as"belonging to God" allows a person to avoid looking in the mirror.  If you say it's all on God or chance, I would disagree, but what do YOU say?

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As long as we're talking...let me help you with your "List"

I suppose everyone has a "list" of what they're looking for in a potential partner.  Maybe I should say "had" a list?  I did.  I had to throw mine away and go to God in prayer and the Word in study to start rebuilding it.  I'm going to help you rebuild your list, too!

Here are the kinds of things the were on the Old Mark's list:

• Breast size (bigger equal-ED better <--- past tense i.e. grapefruits are better than grapes)
• Hip size (must pass the pinky test i.e., fit between my pinkies if I touch my thumbs together and stretch my hands out)
• Weight (must be able to carry her without getting tired...you know, in case something goes down.)
• Height (from 5'5" to 5'9")
• Age (from as young as half my age + seven years, or 25, to up to five years younger than me, or 34)
• # of Kids & Baby-Daddies (one...two acceptable if same baby daddy)
• Denominational preference (No COGIC or Church of Christ, Non-Doms looked at with skepticism) 
• Republican vs. Democrat (Obama voter = NO DICE!)

That was my OLD foolishness.  I exaggerate a little for effect.  I'm not exaggerating that much.

I'm being reformed.  I've been spending more time in study.  Let me help you fix your list!  How you craft your list is 100% up to you but let me tell you what items should be at the top:

The Man's List

1. Can I be naked and unashamed (transparent) in front of her or do I feel like I'm hiding, performing or acting like someone other than myself?

2. Can she HELP me in my Godly mission and purpose?

3. Is she suitable/equal to me?

4. Whatever...

The Woman's List

1. Can I be naked and unashamed in front of him or do I feel like I'm hiding something, performing or afraid to be the real me?

2. Can I HELP him in his Godly mission and purpose? Was I made for him?

3. Whatever...

(I'm not adding the "suitability" measure to the woman's list at this time.  As I'm writing this, I believe that has to be defined by God for the man.)

Of course you're going to be attracted to whom you're going to be attracted, but a lot of that superficial stuff should fall lower and lower on your list as you mature.  

Here are some GOOD things for your list after the first few items:

1. Does she "fit" within my family?
2. Can I cover her and add to her life?
3. Do those closest to me, who love me and whom I trust, honor my decision in him/her? Or do they all think I'm crazy?
4. Do I respect him?
5. Does he have a plan for his life?
6. Is she respectful and supportive?
7. Does she create a peaceful environment around herself?
8. Does he pray?

Let's start looking at each other more deeply.  Let's try to see one another through God's eyes and we'll make better choices.  I know some of you won't hear me.  You're still going to insist that he must drive a Cadillac!

‎"...And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." ~Genesis 2:25

"Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." ~Genesis 2:18

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I've Got Bieber-Fever!

Hello. My name is Mark Anthony McCray. I am 39 years old. I was raised on Run DMC, Public Enemy, Eric B and Rakim and A Tribe Called Quest. You're more likely to catch me listening to Lupe Fiasco, Mos Def or The Roots than anybody else. My name is Mark Anthony McCray and now....I'm a Belie-BER!

When it's Daddy-Daughter Weekend, we usually don't watch a lot of movies. I am a geek and my daughters are normally subject to my geekiness so I prefer time with them in the park, taking in local festivals or we might go to the library or Half-Price Books. We rarely veg out and watch movies, but we took in two this weekend: "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas" (maybe I'll blog about that another day) and "Never Say Never" aka the "life" story of Justin Bieber.

I have three daughters. They are 13, 11 and 10. I was outnumbered and overwhelmed by an irresistible force, so don't roll your eyes at ME!

Anyway, there are three main lessons of which I was reminded while taking in this young phenom's "life" story. (I'll keep putting "life" in quotation marks until he does a biography after he's turned at least 30.) Suffice to say, I was very impressed:

1. We become who we say we are. Justin (we're on a first name basis like that), said to himself and anyone who would listen that he was going sell out Madison Square Garden one day. I recognize that affirmation won't make things happen magically (or will it?), but I also recognize that the power of life and death is in the tongue. Our lives become the substance of what we speak.

2. Hard work is still the most misunderstood factor in success. The kid is SUPER-talented. Always was apparently. Singing, dancing, multiple instruments...all self-taught. There's no question he was special from the beginning. However, without hard work, it would have come to NOTHING. Likewise, there are areas in which you are special and almost beyond compare. How hard are you working in your areas of giftedness?

3. You can't stop a person who won't quit. There's always a way. Even though he was from a small town and a single-parent household, he "Never said never" and proceeded to perform at malls, on street corners and his big break came from uploading YouTube videos. No major label wanted to hear from him. There was no category for him in their minds. But he found an audience. He made an audience. It's hard to stop a person who won't be denied.

4. Girls will be girls. I enjoyed watching them laugh, swoon and sing along more than I have anything in a long time. And there's nothing wrong with that! I don't think he has a single lyric more controversial than "Baby, baby, oooooooooooo, girl!" so I'm good with him for now.

Whether you're a fan or not (I still can't say I know a single word of a single song), you have to learn to recognize and appreciate excellence - and learn from a good role model when he's staring you in the face...even if that role model is still too young to drive.

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“If indeed you have heard Him…”: 10 Keys to Healthy Relations on Our Ships

Ephesians 4:20‐32 (NASB)

20 But you did not learn Christ in this way,

21 if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus,

22 that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit,

23 and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind,

24 and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.

25 Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.

26 Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,

27 and do not give the devil an opportunity.

28 He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need.

29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.

30 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

32 Be kind to one another, tender‐hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

This is a brief version of a recent Bible Study I conducted at HOPE Church - Pearland recently.  As a part of the Relational Wellness portion of our "Journey to Wellness", we looked at what I like to think of as a Christian Code of Conduct wherein Paul outlines several expectations regarding how we must manage our relationships with one another.  

There's an important thought here.  We often take verses out of context and fail to read passages "in order" the way the Holy Spirit inspired the writer to put them down on paper.  Before we get into talking about husbands and wifes, children and parenting or household order, Paul reminds us of two things:

1. We are all Believers called to a higher standard of understanding and living in Christ.  Before that woman is my wife, she is my sister in Him.  Before that man is her husband, he is her brother in the Lord.  Therefore, before we talk about managing a household together, we need to have a great grasp on the Lord's expectations of our behavior towards each other as His children.
2. These are not suggestions or merely good ideas.  The preface "If indeed you have heard Him..." tells us these rules belong to us, those who call Christ our Lord.  If we've heard Him, if we know Him, if we're going to walk in Truth, here's how we are to walk.  There's no escape clause that allows us to "snap" just because we're tired and our husbands are "on our last nerve" or put her in "her place" verbally when we've had a long day!

I picked up and began to read through the fourth chapter of Ephesians because of the old 20/20 rule that I learned from a friend and teacher.  It states this: when you want to make sure you're understanding a passage in its proper context, take a moment to read twenty verses before and twenty verses after.  Good advice!  Therefore, when reading about the Christian Curse Word, "Submission", I decided to go back a little further to see what else Paul was teaching us about relationships in his letter to the saints in Ephesus, a group of Believers whom he had visited twice before his first imprisonment and who were dear to his heart.

What keys do we see for healthy Christian relationships in Ephesians 4?  How does each verse examined provide us some guidance?  Here are 10 that I found hiding in plain sight:

1. If indeed you have heard Him...lay aside the old self. (v. 22)

There's no room for "that's the way I've always been...take it or leave it!" in healthy relationships.  It's time to put away all those bad things we were in the past...

2. If indeed you have heard Him...be renewed in the spirit of your mind. (v. 23)

...and as we're letting go of the past, we need new instructions.  We learned in Romans that we can be transformed in our minds by refusing to be conformed to the way the "world" does things and instead dedicating ourselves to studying the word of God...

3. If indeed you have heard Him...put on the new self. (v. 24)

...and as we do so, we're challenging put on the new self, to be different.  This imagery used is similar to that of a caterpillar going through metamorphosis.  We're putting down the old and picking up the new.  We're to wear clothing worthy of our new stations in life.

4. If indeed you have heard Him...lay aside falsehood. (v. 25)

Here's the rule about secrets in marriage: don't have any.  Here's the rule about lying: never, ever do it.  Lying breeds mistrust.  Mistrust destroys intimacy.  Lack of intimacy creates distance.  When we grow distant, the relationship can't survive.

5. If indeed you have heard Him...be angry, and yet do not sin. (v. 26)

Paul didn't say don't get angry.  Anger can be productive.  Sometimes, it's even necessary.  Holding it for too long only gives our enemy an opportunity to do his best work.  Let it go and don't give him any more victories over you!

stop stealing, be productive and share. (v. 28)

We have an obligation to stop taking what isn't ours and be productive enough to give some of what is ours away.  Amazing!  

7. If indeed you have heard Him...speak words that edify and heal. (v. 29)

Our tongues have power.  We set the course of our lives by our words.  I am learning this.  Even better, I am learning to say words that are fruitful!  So many people testify of how they have been hurt, harmed and destroyed by hateful words spoken over them in childhood, marriage, church.  It works the other way, too.  We can and must do better.

8. If indeed you have heard Him...do not grieve the Holy Spirit. (v. 30)

How often has the Holy Spirit told us to do something different - maybe the exact opposite - of the action we decided to take?  Listen to His guidance.  He knows what's needed and when.  

9. If indeed you have heard Him...bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander and malice are no longer allowed! (v. 31)

There's no room to fully address this verse.  If you'll picture in your mind a person who always holds grudges, plots ways to retaliate for harms, stews and steams and generally can't even stay quiet about it.  Maybe this picture fits?

...but I'm thinking this one might be better?  Is this the way you act?  When you get mad do people need to stay out of your way?  Shame!  We can do better, saints!

10. If indeed you have heard Him...be kind, tender and forgiving. (v. 32)

This verse speaks for itself.  It's a mirror.  I challenge us to look into it often and measure ourselves accordingly.  Love is kind.  

How can we summarize this lesson? What else do we see in the word of God that can help us have healthy relationships?  Here are some concluding thoughts…

These verses precede Chapter 5 where Paul discusses marriage, roles and order in the family…almost as if he’s establishing a code of conduct for all kingdom citizens first. (See Ephesians 4:1-3)  I like to think about it that way.  It takes some pressure off the conversation about submission, love and mutual respect when you realize those only apply to people who are in Christ and in marriage.  Paul is writing to Christians.  He instructs wives to be subject to their own husbands...not a random "Joe" who happens to have male genitals.

“But you did not learn Christ in this way…”  What way?  Our relationships are not to be marked by “practices of impurity WITH greediness.” (Ephesians 4: 17-19)  Wow.  Impurity WITH greediness?  Sounds like a horrible combination.  In any regard, those behaviors belong to people outside of the fellowship.  The opposite expressions (purity and generosity?) ought to be our marks.  That is to say things by which we are known.

“If indeed you have heard Him…”  Are you a Believer? A Disciple? Have you heard the Truth?  Then you are called to a higher standard than the “lusts of deceit.” (Ephesians 4:22)  Lust means a "strong desire to have" and is contrasted with love which is a strong desire to give.  Deceiving people to get what we want out of them is a nasty, ugly trait and has no part in the life of the saint.

Anger destroys.  Don’t let it reign in your life! (Ephesians 4:26-27)  Unresolved anger has destroyed lives, families and even civilizations.  I am told by mental health professionals that failing to let go of anger is a common denominator among those who develop mental illness - illnesses so far gone that they have to be institutionalized.  Some people don't take it literally to not allow the sun to go down on your wrath, but I do.  I don't want to carry those destructive emotions a moment longer than I need to.

Also note, there's no restriction against getting angry.  Anger can be a healthy emotion if channeled properly.  I would even argue that nothing productive ever comes to pass in our lives until we get angry about something.  Be angry.  Do not sin.  Easy to say.  Hard to do.  It's not impossible to do, however.  The Lord doesn't give us directions that are impossible to follow.  That would be cruel...and He's not a cruel God.

“The tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12:18, Proverbs 15:4, Ephesians 4: 29-30)  If there is nothing else to be gained from this study, I hope people will walk away with an understanding that we don't have to remain broken and hurt forever.  We can heal and be healed by changing what we say to ourselves about ourselves and changing how we speak to our brothers and sisters.

Be blessed!

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Can You Handle the TRUTH???!!!???

The Matrix (1999) Movie - Blue Pill or Red Pill
- Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

I love that scene from The Matrix! It says about all that needs to be said and when it comes to the rest of my (just beginning) career as a writer and speaker, this will be my motto.

Do you want the truth or not? If you don't, don't come to me! If you want to coast through life asleep, I'M NOT YOUR GUY!

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"Big Butts and Smiles" (or "The Economics of Healthy Relationships")

...it takes more than a "big butt and a smile" to attract a quality man.  Besides...we don't trust them.  Bell Biv DeVoe taught us not to! (Side Note: I said QUALITY man.)

You see, I've had an epiphany.  

I think I'm out of the business of giving single women advice before I was even in it.  There are plenty of people out there who're willing to tell you how to get a man.  I'll let them handle it.  My advice begins and ends with a few simple thoughts:

1. Be more approachable. 
2. Smile
3. Be kind
4. Stop being so judgmental. 

That's about it from me.  Not quite enough to build a seminar around.  Certainly not enough for a book.  Anything else I would tell you would become really personal really quickly.  I'm keeping my list of things that are attractive to me to myself!  (You gotta let a player have his games, right?)

Here's my revelation on the economics of a good relationship:

If you want to be found, maybe focus first on being worth finding?  Perhaps you don't bring as much value to a potential mate as you think?

Being trained as an economist, I recognize that a lot of things come down to Cost-Benefit Analysis...even love, true love.  If you want someone to invest their life into you, what will they gain in the equation?  What are you able to bring?  Are you worth finding?  For what reason would he be sacrificing his life?  Your "honey" ain't THAT special, so you need to be able to bring something more than that to the table!

(Side note: please resist your temptation to fire off "HATE MALE" to me now.  It's not going to help your situation one bit.  I'll deal with the matter of men being ready to look another time.  The Bible tells us to "do all your work in the field and, after that, establish your house...)

Even as a man, I am learning to look at things in terms of what I can GIVE and BRING to a scenario as opposed to what I can get.  I have to look at business in terms of what I can add to an opportunity.  That's where my fruit lies.  I have to look at ministry in terms of what unique things I can do.  There is some gift that each of us has that we can give!  Why did God put me on Earth?

What if those of us who are single are only single because potential mates don't see us a valuable enough to commit to? For the single women, maybe you aren't worth finding yet?  Maybe the men around you don't think you add very much to their lives?  Maybe start by learning how to add to the people around you and you'll be seen as more valuable?

Here's a great article on learning how to meet a husband's needs.  Why not start studying now? http://beworthfinding.blogspot.com/2011/03/meeting-your-husbands-seven-basic-needs.html

There are a lot of big butts and smiles out there.  Quality men are looking for more than that.

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"The Courage to Leave Them Behind"

"Now the LORD said to Abram, "Go forth from your country, And from your relatives And from your father's house, To the land which I will show you; And I will make you a great nation, And I will bless you, And make your name great; And so you shall be a blessing; And I will bless those who bless you, And the one who curses you I will curse. And in you all the families of the earth will be blessed."  So Abram went forth as the LORD had spoken to him; and Lot went with him. Now Abram was seventy-five years old when he departed from Haran.  Abram took Sarai his wife and Lot his nephew, and all their possessions which they had accumulated, and the persons which they had acquired in Haran, and they set out for the land of Canaan; thus they came to the land of Canaan." ~Genesis 12: 1-5

After going through the story of Lot and Abram in Genesis several times, it's still not clear whether Abram brought Lot along with him or whether Lot tagged along on his own, but was never sent away.  The verses seem to go back and forth in their indications.  What is 100% clear, however, is that Abram (the father of our faith and credited by some as the father of monotheism) was commanded to leave behind his home, his relatives and everything related to his earthly father's house.

It's also clear that he didn't heed this command.  Not even a paragraph passes before we see both Abram and Lot riding off into the sunset together.  Their story of entanglement continues:

So Abram went up from Egypt to the Negev, he and his wife and all that belonged to him, and Lot with him.  Now Abram was very rich in livestock, in silver and in gold.  He went on his journeys from the Negev as far as Bethel, to the place where his tent had been at the beginning, between Bethel and Ai, to the place of the altar which he had made there formerly; and there Abram called on the name of the LORD.  Now Lot, who went with Abram, also had flocks and herds and tents.  And the land could not sustain them while dwelling together, for their possessions were so great that they were not able to remain together.  And there was strife between the herdsmen of Abram's livestock and the herdsmen of Lot's livestock Now the Canaanite and the Perizzite were dwelling then in the land.  So Abram said to Lot, "Please let there be no strife between you and me, nor between my herdsmen and your herdsmen, for we are brothers.  "Is not the whole land before you? Please separate from me; if to the left, then I will go to the right; or if to the right, then I will go to the left." ~ Genesis 13:1-9

Lot continues along with Abram like Mary's little lamb.  In our own lives we have people we've brought along for the ride.  There are also those who tag along - yet we don't kick them off the bus.  Usually, we know they aren't supposed to be there with us, but we keep them around anyway.

This isn't a value judgment.  Just because we shouldn't be in a relationship with someone, doesn't make him or her a bad person.  Lot was considered to be a good, righteous man.  This wasn't about Lot being a bad person.  This entire story is about Abram finally developing the courage to trust God at God's word without a safety net.  He eventually got there.  And, it's when Abram got to that place, that the Lord really began to speak to him with more clarity.  It's then that the promise truly begins to unfold!

Side note: This isn't intended to be encouragement to leave a marital relationship.  Seek counseling for that.  In my own life, this principle has meant that I've had to leave friendships and business partnerships behind to experience God's best.

"The LORD said to Abram, after Lot had separated from him, "Now lift up your eyes and look from the place where you are, northward and southward and eastward and westward; for all the land which you see, I will give it to you and to your descendants forever." ~ Genesis 13:14-15

We all know of Lot's sufferings while dwelling in Sodom.  We know that he lost nearly all of what he had and, in the end, it was just him and his two daughters.  We know that it was Abram's faithfulness towards Lot that brought any level of comfort and restoration for Lot.  Unfortunately, there's no indication that Lot ever contributed anything fruitful, productive or favored into his relationship with Abram...no advice, no comfort, no growth.  Lot, though a good man, was a drain on Abraham.  This is the epitome of a toxic relationship!

What do we learn from this history?  How does Lot's story unfold?  What are the lessons here for us to incorporate into our own lives and seeking healthy relationships?  There's so much here.  In the interest of time and space, I'll be brief:

• When the Lord calls you to go forth, you can do it!  He might send you companionship, but press on whether He does or not.
• Not everyone belongs in your life...even if they are good people.
• Be intentional about your relationships.  Even friendships should be purposeful and productive.
• When the wrong people are with you, tension is inevitable.
• There's a way to separate: be as communicative and as peaceable as possible.
• The presence of some people hinders our ability to hear God's voice clearly.
• When we demonstrate the courage to leave toxic relationships behind, blessings open up to us.

Lot's story ends with his daughters committing incest with him...giving birth to the Moabites and the Ammonites from this unholy union.  These are two of the same nations who have been either antagonistic towards or actively at war with Israel ever since.  The Lord reminds His people not to even allow them into the Assembly because they not only didn't help Israel when they were coming out of Egypt, but even attempted to curse them!  Read the passage.  If you want to have some fun, do a little research on Ammon and Moab.  Let's not even discuss Ishmael.  Abram brought many of Israel's troubles with him because he didn't have the courage to leave Lot behind.  

What do you take from the story of Abram and Lot?  I'd love to get your feedback!

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A Simple Exercise Can Make a Big Difference

Here's a short blog today. It comes from a discussion Pastor Eastland was leading in Bible Study last night at HOPE Church - Pearland. It's simple. Here it is:

1. Take out a sheet of paper.
2. Write down what your life looks like six months from now in your mind.
3. Bonus: if you're in a serious relationship or married, share it with your partner. Talk about what you see.

If you're doing this by yourself, it can help lift your focus off of your day-to-day and give you hope...reminding you why you're working. If you're in a relationship, it can be a quick check to make sure you two are still going the same direction. If you're not, why not discuss it?


The picture is my "picture" of my future. I think it's too small for you nosy folks!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:

Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
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Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

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Confessions of an MLM Virgin

I think I want to do it. I just don't know. I've never done it before so I don't know what I'm missing. It could be the greatest thing ever. Everyone says it is. (Some people are bitter, but I can't base my decisions off of them, can I?)

I mean...I really want to do it, but I want my first time to be special. I want it to mean something because I've been saving myself for the right one. I know I'm special. I know I have a lot to offer the right one and I know I'm attractive. A lot of them want me. I've even met one or two who could be the one...I'm just not sure. I can't allow myself to be treated like trash and thrown away after they get what they want!

I'm human. I'm tempted. I deal with temptation every day. I'm sure I'll do it soon. I just want it to be special.

I've never done any kind of MLM before. I think I'm almost ready.

I'm probably making too much of this.

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Mark's Review of an Awesome Book: "A Misrepresentation of Myself" by Mary E. Gilder

"This isn't exactly for boy scouts. I just want you to know ahead of time, okay?"

That's what Mary told me before my book had even arrived in the mail. What a way to preface the book she had just written and wanted me to review. She was right. It wasn't for a boy scout, but it was real. Very real.

Writing a book is very hard work. I should know. Writing a good book? The author should be congratulated. Today, therefore, I'm throwing praises at Mary E. Gilder, my friend and excellent writer. Her novel, A Misrepresentation of Myself, is definitely one you should check out.

In fact, why not support her buy purchasing one now? Here's the link: A Misrepresentation of Myself on Amazon.com

I met MarShana Gilder at the Starbucks I frequented in Pearland. She did two things every time I visited for my cup of liquid energy: made me laugh and told me about how her mom is a great writer. This went on for a while, to my embarrassment, until I finally picked up the phone and spoke to Mary myself. I shouldn't have waited so long to meet such a dynamic, intelligent and vibrant woman. Her energy came through the phone.

I shouldn't have waited so long to read her book either. She asked me to give my thoughts not too long after we met. I had started and stopped and started and stopped. She had written a novel, after all, and how was a novel going to make my life better? Self-centered Mark often puts off things such as "supporting other people" and other such touchy-feelies in life. Nevertheless, I've discovered that not reading the book was my loss, too.

Mary's done an excellent job of crafting a story about people very much like those whom I've passed every day, but have the inner-workings of their minds nor the pains in their hearts. It's hard to review literature without giving too much away. Therefore, I'll just say this: her characters are dealing with real life in real ways. They're probably a lot like you or someone you know. Life is full of pain. If you can find someone with whom to share some of it along with some laughs, hold on.

I liked it. I think you'll like it, too. The people at Redbook like what they've learned of Mary. I was so proud to see her share a part of her own life story in the magazine recently! (I'm just throwing this in because I can!) Mary E. Gilder is representing herself nicely.

The novel can be ordered or purchased from all book stores and if readers desire a signed copy, they can forward a check or money order to: Mary E. Gilder P.O. Box 1555. Newark, Ca 94560.

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