Live BIG! Die Empty.

7/5/13

"I'm responsible for what I say, not what you hear!"

1:26 PM No comments

Let me let you into my head a little bit. When I start to see a statement become more and more popular, it makes me wonder "What would God say to that?" and I start searching it out. I saw this again this morning and it made me wonder: "If it truly matters that they get the message, and I've got the message they need to hear, do I then have any responsibilities towards that?"

"I'm responsible for what I say, not what you hear!"

Well... slow down a bit on that one. I disagree. At least, I'm not 100% sure that's true. Of course you are responsible for what people hear! Part of effective communication is laboring to make sure people hear what you're saying. Good communicators don't put all the burden on the listeners. Good communicators work to bring the message in a way the hearer can hear it.

Paul speaks to this in a manner...

"Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings." - 1 Corinthians 9:19-23

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I think the key is this: How much does it matter to you that they get the message? Or are you satisfied with simply getting your own words out? Maybe to satisfy your flesh?

We all listen with our own biases. I claim that. We filter everything through our own lenses. If you have a critical message filled with life-altering wisdom, you might need to work it some. It doesn't appear that you get to use the other person's inability to grasp what you're saying as a cop out. Paul seems to be teaching that you should learn the lens through which you're being heard and adapt accordingly.

If you truly care and if it truly matters, take some responsibility for what people hear, too, in addition to what you say. I know it's difficult but, after all, to whom much is given...

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

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3 Things He's Looking for from Her

10:48 AM No comments

Once a man is attracted to you, I believe he begins to filter every conversation, observation and interaction with you through three key questions:

Does she NEED me?
Can I make her happy?
Could I trust her with EVERYTHING I am?

Some say men don't commit these days but that's obviously not true. Men and women still get married. Good men and women get married. Some marry and some don't and I believe I've figured out how you can discern which way a person is headed. You can even look in the mirror and see where you are in these.

The crux of the matter is good men marry good women - women who make them feel needed (respected and appreciated), whom they feel that they can make happy (she expresses gratitude often and enthusiastically) and whom he feels he can trust (able to be naked and not ashamed).

I'm being repetitive with this post. Everyone has needs. That's natural. Having needs isn't being needy.

I've met many women who give off each of these positive vibes individually and some who give off all three. I've met women who give off none of these vibes. Instead, some women communicate to the world things such as "I don't need anyone", "I will never be satisfied" and "I can't be trusted." For example, it has been said that a man will not stay with a woman whom he can't make happy. It seems to apply even if they're already married.

Like I've said before, that's why I created this program! It is alright to need. It is alright to trust. You control your own happiness.

A question for the reader... WHAT IS SHE LOOKING FOR FROM HIM?

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.

All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
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For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

What Can You Give? What Can You Add?

8:47 AM No comments

If you can't think of ten ways you aren't making your partner happy, you're missing it and you're selfish. Period!

Short blog today. I love and respect all of my readers here so this just a Public Service Announcement. A reminder, if you will. I've got no complaints today. I'd simply like to encourage you not to look at a relationship for only how you can be made happy, but how you can contribute to a happy environment. Stop putting all that pressure on other people to manage your emotions for you. It isn't Biblical.

Instead of thinking (as is natural) "How can she make me happy?" pray about what you can add to her life. As a wise man once said, if you can't think of ten ways you aren't making your wife happy, you're missing it and you're selfish.

Like I said. A reminder... That's why I created this program!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.

All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
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Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

"There are no small parts, only small actors."

11:18 PM No comments

"There are no small parts, only small actors." - Konstantin Stanislavisky

In other words, make the most of every opportunity! Everything you do counts. Someone is ALWAYS watching!

I promised I would share a personal testimony/praise report and here it is. Hopefully this will encourage somebody as you begin a new week. It's not about me. It's about you. But I'll tell you about me because I know about me and don't know much about you.

I have been blessed with a huge book of business recently. Big. Big, big. Praising God big. But it came disguised as something small. Here's the deal...

Several months ago I agreed to present at a small, free workshop early on a Saturday morning on the other end of existence from me. If you know anything about Houston traffic, you know that many people will absolutely avoid any occasion to get in the car even on the weekends on I-45 or I-10. Well, I had to get up and traverse both in Texas heat early in the morning on the other side of town - for free. I'll be honest and say that I really didn't want to be there and probably complained to myself all the way as I sat bumper-to-bumper in the heat.

But I went. I said I would go, so I went. That's what I do. No calling and canceling. No excuses. Just show up because I said I'd show up.

Anyway, I made it to the venue and a whole four people showed up. Maybe five. And I gave them my best. I was there so no reason to waste the opportunity. I gave them what I had. Gladly. Enthusiastically. Proudly. Whether one or one hundred, I was there and present.

What I didn't know is who was in attendance. (You never know who's watching you.) One of the people there was extremely influential, let's say, and opened the door to some fantastic opportunities for me. I'm grateful. Truly. My enthusiasm, professionalism and expertise impressed. They never forgot my effort and once they were in a position to call on me for something bigger, my phone rang. And, Lord, am I grateful.

And it all started with making the most of every opportunity, not despising the day because it was small and giving it everything I had. I hope to encourage you as you read this. "The way you do anything is the way you do everything" as T. Harv Eker says, so go for it! There is profit in all hard work! Your efforts are never wasted!

Give today your absolute best and good things will come from it!

Stop Wishing and Start Sowing!

11:03 AM 1 comment

I was sitting there the other night looking at my ever more impressive biceps and I thought "Hmmmm.... I wonder what would happen if I started sowing as much effort into other areas of my life?"

True story.

Clearly, focusing on getting in shape is a good thing and I'm enjoying the three pounds I've lost in the past month. However, I have a lot of other areas that need attention, as well, and I realized I'd been doing more wishing for the future I want than sowing towards the future I want.

How much am I sowing into building the business I want? Or have I fallen into a pattern of every day looking like the previous day?

How much am I sowing into developing a more intimate relationship with God? Do I pray or think about praying? Do I read the Word or think about reading the Word?

What am I doing to nurture better relationships with my children? I say I want to marry again, but do I date to meet people? Do I sow into other people?

As long as the Earth remains, the law of sowing and reaping is in effect. I gotta remember to make it work for me. You have to remember to make it work for you, too! Then you can get arms like mine!

Why Some People Get Ahead and Some Never Will

2:16 AM No comments

Not to be too over-dramatic with the title of this post... I do that sometimes. I have also become more accustomed to driving straight to the point when I'm given an audience, so let's jump in.

I got a chance to visit with several inmates recently of the county jail variety. Interesting group of people. Thieves. Robbers. Drug dealers and addicts. All kinds and types that society has deemed unworthy of walking among us. (I'll talk about that another time. There's a prison ministry out there for me somewhere, I think...) Some of them are going to be a part of the United States Prison Industrial Complex forever. Some of them are going to turn their lives around and become role models for their families and loved ones. Some will go on to do great things for society.

I can tell you in about two minutes of conversation who belongs in which category. Maybe less. But maybe I'm being over-dramatic again? I don't think so. I think I've got this one pegged. From what I can tell the difference in where you go in life after experiencing a setback comes down to one thing: Do you accept responsibility or do you blame someone, anyone else?

I've seen a lot of anger and unforgiveness. Rage. Loneliness. Burning desires for vengeance and violence. Bad stuff. Only from those who are blaming someone else for where they find themselves. Nastiness. And not just from people who are behind bars either. I've seen a lot of this nastiness in people's homes, churches, schools. You see the outcomes on the news nightly.

On the other hand, I've seen growth. Renewal. Grace. Forgiveness. Peace. Only from those who have accepted that their lives are 99% the results of the choices that THEY'VE made. These are the people who become people you're proud to know. They've learned that the mirror is their friend. No more blaming others for what only they can control. It's a beautiful thing.

Your life is what you've made it. That means you can make it different. If you decide to. It's truly up to you. If you're busy blaming someone else, you're not making any progress at all. I promise you.

@LiveBIGDieEmpty #aMAYzing Mindset Moment #21: Complete Commitment

3:43 PM No comments

Some mornings I listen to Colin Cowherd on ESPN Radio as I'm getting my morning started because I like his opening monologue. It's always about life within the context of sports. Even though he uses sports as a backdrop, he incorporates a lot of other principles for living a good life.

This morning he was talking about Carmelo Anthony and his obvious lack of commitment to becoming a total superstar. Carmelo is about Carmelo, not his team. Carmelo is about shooting, not scoring (or he would drive to the basket more). Carmelo is about points, not defense. Carmelo is about being famous for being Carmelo, not about being famous for winning. He'd rather be your friend than rip your heart out.

I am a Kobe Hater but was there ever any doubt that he and Jordan would rather eat your liver than shake your hand? That's the difference between LeBron, Kobe, Michael and Carmelo. (Even in looking at the first picture on this post, how in the heck is 'Melo smiling?!) I'll get off his back. He's a little better at basketball than I am. That's not the issue, however. The issue, as Cowherd points out, is how often 'Melo fails to do what his team needs him to do. He doesn't demand much from them and doesn't demand much from himself.

Because it's NBA Playoff time, I had to share a pic of my favorite basketball player and ultimate committed competitor, Tim Duncan. Widely regarded as the best Power Forward of all time and one play who has NEVER had his dedication questioned. Duncan competes. He manages his diet, his mindset and his minutes on the court so that he can be 100% on when it's time to be on. Bringing four titles home to my beloved Texas shows that in a league that the conspiracy theorist in me says is rigged against my Spurs.

The larger issue is I'm checking myself with this post. How completely committed to my most important goals have I been? Am I committed enough to truly change my approaches to life and living? The answer is, of course, I am! It's an "I believe, but help my unbelief" kind of thing. I am doing better but must get much better.

I don't want to be considered the Carmelo Anthony of my field. No offense, 'Melo.

@LiveBIGDieEmpty #aMAYzing Mindset Moment #20: Take Massive Action!

2:54 PM No comments

The only thing I hate about my financial consulting business is feeling like I'm freaking begging people to act in their own best interest. Don't get me wrong. As an entrepreneur, I do not mind asking for money. The sales process doesn't bother me. I know that it is about helping people and being honest with them if you can't help. No worries. I do mind feeling like I'm begging, however, and I refuse to do it any longer. It's ridiculous.

One thing I've noticed from people in various walks of life is those who succeed (achieve meaningful goals) develop the habit of taking massive action quickly while those who fail have the habit of waiting, waiting and then delaying some more.

"Have a bias toward action - let's see something happen now. You can break that big plan into small steps and take the first step right away." - Indira Gandhi

I get excited when I see people move. It breaks my heart to see people delay and delay and refuse to do even small things that could change their lives. You could set aside $5 or $10 a month towards something important, but won't give up Starbucks. You could start a college fund for your kids but won't turn off the cable for a few months. If you're a parent, you're teaching your children poverty and mediocrity by your inaction. Teach them a better way. Do something! If not for you, then for them.

How to Stop Being So Needy

8:37 PM No comments

Last time we talked about having needs vs. being needy and it sparked some good dialogue. Remember: neediness is when a person requires more than usually expected or due. In other words, their needs are being met on a reasonable level, but they still want more. If you're the kind who has been called needy more than once, let's face it. There might be some truth there. If everybody calls you a donkey, buy a saddle, right? Some of you reading this are... needy!

Side note: It is OKAY to need people. That is a good thing!

A few thoughts about how to stop being needy:

Be courageous about being authentically you no matter what. There is someone out there for the real you - the one you're sometimes tempted to keep hidden. You are valuable just the way you are.
Know your core values and don't compromise them. There are plenty of ways we all need to change and grow. There should be some things about yourself you don't change.
Give yourself permission to want things. Even in your wanting, have gratitude. Be grateful for the ways your needs are being met and the efforts of others to meet them.

There is nothing wrong with needing love, touches, tender words, time with loved ones and commitment. You just have to be clear about what your needs are and sober about when they're being met and when they're not. Being needy is all about failing to realize that you're requiring more of people than they can give and not honoring the needs they're already meeting.

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.

All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

Should Divorced Exes Get Back Together?

3:48 PM No comments

I'm posting this for a friend. She asked me why divorced exes seldom, if ever, get back together. Research shows the number to be somewhere around 4% to 6% of couples remarrying one another. In my friend's mind, the kids would be better off and that makes it not only okay but necessary. Aside from those couples who divorce and marry each other two or three times, why doesn't it happen more?

I'm not sure why it doesn't happen more but offered her these thoughts:

Your Ex has to want to restore the marriage. This rarely happens.
Both people have to grow and mature. This rarely happens.
The growth people experience needs to be in the same direction - It normally isn't when they're in different environments, churches and circles of friends for months or years. Practically-speaking, many times exes begin to become strangers after the divorce.
There is usually some recognition that you should have/would have chosen someone else the first time around.
In some cases, there is so much acrimony that you really do need a fresh start. Dealing with an angry Ex becomes a daily reminder of failures and can be too much weight for a new relationship to carry and reinforces poor patterns.

Every credible marriage counselor will tell you that you don't "go back" but you should start over learning that person again. Dr. Phil might say something like "You can't ever put the toothpaste back into the tube." At some point you look at the person and determine that you would all be better off going another way.

Most important, in my view, is each person has to be able to truly forgive. Most Believers only pay lip service to this. I've done enough lay counseling (a lot more than most people think) to tell you that 80% of most peoples' current problems are related to their unwillingness to forgive someone in their past.

What do you think? Should exes come back together? If so, how can they do it? Have you ever remarried your Ex?

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.

All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

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Blog Archive

What I'm Talking About

I'd Love Your Support!

7/5/13

"I'm responsible for what I say, not what you hear!"

7/3/13

3 Things He's Looking for from Her

7/2/13

What Can You Give? What Can You Add?

6/30/13

"There are no small parts, only small actors."

6/26/13

Stop Wishing and Start Sowing!

6/24/13

Why Some People Get Ahead and Some Never Will

5/20/13

@LiveBIGDieEmpty #aMAYzing Mindset Moment #21: Complete Commitment

@LiveBIGDieEmpty #aMAYzing Mindset Moment #20: Take Massive Action!

5/18/13

How to Stop Being So Needy

5/17/13

Should Divorced Exes Get Back Together?