Sex & The Saved Couple

Have you ever noticed how you can see sex on TV morning, Noon and night these days, but it's ALMOST NEVER BETWEEN MARRIED PEOPLE???

The saints need to stop being so scary to talk about stuff! This is hilarious to me because (1) I've never advocated sex outside of the marriage context on this page and (2) half of y'all are doing this stuff and more already anyway!

Why have we let something God designed become totally taken over by the devil? Husbands need to be more caring and affectionate and wives need to be more adventurous... at least that's what I hear ALL THE TIME so there must be some truth to it.

I'm just trying to free some people from guilt and from having other peoples' morals projected onto them. The BIBLE is silent in so many ways. We have to let the Holy Spirit in us speak sometimes. There is a lot of latitude for people to make their own decisions about what's permissible between them as a husband and a wife. They should both be happy about those choices.

The most important thing is to talk before marriage so that there is no mismatch in expectations.

When you start to feel like they could have real, honest long-term "the one" potential you've got to risk these kinds of conversations. It could go horribly. I understand. However, you've got to know where each other stands and sooner is better than later. These conversations are MUCH HARDER after marriage because now you both feel trapped. Gotta do it when you start to feel like he or she could be the Mr. or Mrs.

One Warning: Drawing a lot of lines and restrictions is one of the WORST things a married woman can do, in my view, and YES, I mean that will everything in me! Most husbands aren't going to see a "no" as anything except a rejection/a boundary and THE LAST THING a husband wants are boundaries. They are interpreted as disrespect. They are seen as a lack of availability to him. A husband wants to feel like HE OWNS that wife. Bottom line. Therefore, I think wives should be very, very careful and quite judicious with drawing boundary lines and if it's going to be an issue YOU OWE HIM to make those lines clear BEFORE HE EVEN PROPOSES TO YOU!

Please SUBSCRIBE (using the form to the right on this blog!) and also leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon! Please subscribe and visit me on my Live BIG! Die Empty. Facebook page!!

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Anger Danger!

I used to be a very angry person. I may not have looked like it on the outside but my heart was filled with blames, resentments and a low, simmering anger for many years. Frankly, not all was directed at others. Some was directed at myself. I refused to let people off the hook for wrongs I perceived as being done to me.

Anger had made me into its victim and forced me to see other people as villains. I learned to let it go once I realized that EVERYONE is guilty and all need grace...even me. Watch this video to see how I explain this! ---> VIDEO

Today, I've got something to say SPECIFICALLY to my friends - particularly men. Contrary to what the movies and rap songs tell you, harboring anger IS NOT helping to propel you forward in life. There is no (long-term) benefit to having an "I'll get them back for what they've done to me!!" kind of attitude. As you're thinking that, you're destroying other parts of your life and after you "get them back" you're left with little purpose and no drive except to find another villain.

Please learn how to forgive and forgive QUICKLY upon exiting a dead situation. Harbor no anger. Give the enemy no place. The #1 thing I see in men (of all ages) that prevents us from moving forward in healthy relationships, business and entrepreneurship and good health is ANGER. Whether a low simmer or a boiling tempest, it doesn't matter. You've got to let it go.

Here's where anger hurts men more than women...

Our brains can't function as well with it meaning it will hurt your performance in every other area of your life. Period. Males literally have fewer synapses connecting both hemispheres of the brain - the logical side and the emotional side. That means women CAN LITERALLY handle emotions and tasks better at the same time without conflict. (This is why there are fewer female serial killers, some have argued. A man can snap and it's "over" for him and everyone around him. Most women can "snap" and still reason her way into hurting only the object of her anger.)

Bottom line is men are being stagnated by anger in ways that are harming themselves and our churches and communities and the women in our lives. Anger prevents you from being able to move forward into God's best for you. Time to look at your heart, be honest and let it go, brothers.

How can we overcome anger?  Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon!

To your success!



Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!



He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

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Eternal Singleness? - Part One in Our "Resurrecting Marriage" Series

(This is the first in a series of works - a mission - to promote courtship, marriage and re-marriage within the Body of Christ. We have to fight this "Epidemic of Singleness" before the casualties continue to mount!

Therefore, please don't be offended with some of the next topics. I am going to take more chances by getting into sex, adultery, blending families, roles, finances, and more. Why? Because too many people are avoiding getting married for the wrong reasons and too many people are leaving marriages for even worse reasons!!)

Now from Guest Blogger, DAWN BEDINGFIELD, a woman of great wisdom...

Soon after I divorced, I met a great guy. We are still friends today. I had two young children, and their father was a great man, we were just not great together through no real fault of either one of us.

This man I was dating saw very soon into the relationship (we were never intimate) that I was great marriage material, but was probably not headed in the direction he was going: marriage. He approached me with his concern letting me know that he only dates in pursuit of marriage. I was just as forthright. I had just gotten out of a (what I considered long...only seven yrs) exhausting marriage and was not ready to go there again. Looking back I don't know whether this great guy would have been a great husband for me; but, I know for certain that over the span of 10 yrs, rejecting four marriage proposals, and delaying at least two more to the point of men giving up on me altogether, has been the biggest decision making mistake I have made. And it has affected every area of my life in a way I never would have desired.

Why you may ask? Because it is so much easier to get back into the flow of compromise and submission sooner after divorce than later, younger than older. When you still feel you need a mate, rather than when you have overcome so many things, good, bad, beautiful and ugly, that you know you can handle it without one.

Why you may ask? Because as the scripture you refer to in Timothy states, my dating choices and experiences went from good to bad to abominable in a span of months! My friendship and social choices became shameful. My financial world came tumbling to the ground around me in less than two years. My spiritual life defined in one phrase, "Believer behaving badly."

Why you may ask? Because an intelligent, bright, attractive woman in her late twenties who had been married all of her adult life needs to remain covered, especially when she has young children. She needs positive and clear direction of her energies and ambitions otherwise they not only get misguided, but taken advantage of. Before I looked up and gotten my head together, 10 yrs had passed, I had TWO children outside of wedlock with TWO DIFFERENT men, I'd lost a home, been homeless twice, gone through another dozen relationships, one suicide attempt, fought to keep my family together even though I eventually ended up sending the two oldest to live with my former husband...need I go on???

And as time passed, I [insanely, based on society's mantra, "I can do bad all by myself"] saw less and less need for a mate; and NO ONE encouraged me to surrender to marriage except my best friend at the time (who had betrayed me so many times and seemed so desperate for a husband I didn't trust), and ONE man I'd dated, who called me outright selfish. He was a doctor and much older, and I surely didnt see myself worthy enough for this prominent man to give my children and I the life he had. It was too late for that. I was too broken by that time and not yet re-fashioned by God, in spite of, by this time, all that I had come through, learned and achieved; but, I was getting there and this friend was the catalyst to get the ball rolling.

Today I am certainly great marriage material and have an endless list of things to bring to a relationship including knowledge and wisdom and experience and creativity. But unfortunately at this point in my life, after raising one son and daughter into adulthood, a host of personal and professional experiences that make me both wise and accomplished beyond my years (and those of most potential mates), and a busy lifestyle that leaves little to no time for social activities where I can meet potential mates, I fear that the past choices Ive made have brought me to the one sacrifice that I'd never intended: eternal singleness.

(In the next part, we'll share some of the negative impacts of singleness and divorce in our society. You DEFINITELY need to read this if you're even considering divorce!)

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon! Please subscribe and visit me on my Live BIG! Die Empty. Facebook page!!

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You Can't Handle the Truth!!!

A friend of mine asked whether men and women can accept the truth from a partner without becoming upset, offended or lashing out. For me, it's more about Proverbs 15:1 and Proverbs 25:11.



Sometimes it's all about finesse: the skillful handling of a situation (Webster's Dictionary). There is an art to communication and when it's done well, it's a beautiful thing.

There's always a way to say anything. Sometimes people aren't rejecting the truth as much as your presentation of it. That may be fine if you're Isaiah the Prophet. However, if this is someone you plan on coming home to, you're going to have to learn how to communicate "truth" with much more care and finesse.

Also, always remember this: just because you want to say it, doesn't mean they need to hear it. Never lie or cover up, but be careful of your motives. Make sure your words are grace-filled and building up your brother and your sister...even (and especially) when you've been asked for the truth!

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon! Please subscribe and visit me on my Live BIG! Die Empty. Facebook page!!

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THINKING ABOUT SELF-PUBLISHING?

Information from book publisher, Ken Whitman of SideKickPrinting.com, for those interested in some rough numbers on the self-publishing business. I get these questions quite often regarding what people should expect.

From Ken Whitman:

"I produce a lot of books for self-publishers. There seem to be three types.

Type 1: I print 100 books for them and they never come back.
Type 2: I print 100 books from them and they come back 2 to 4 times over six months.
Type 3: The ones that have a built in audience and I print 500 -1000 copies every two to three months.

Now for the fun part...

Type one is 80% of my business
Type two is 18% of my business
Type Three is 2% of my business

An average self-published Author would make:

Type 1 - $500 or less
Type 2 - $2000 to $4000 over the course of a year or so
Type 3 - $10 to $20,000 per year

Identify what should your investment be into a self-published book. Let's say between editing, cover design, marketing, etc. it could easily cost 2500 or more, you would have to fall into that Type 2 (18%) category just to break even..... "

[Mark's Note: It seems the best use of books for most self-publishers is to open the door to other opportunities such as speaking, consulting and other product sales.]

I hope this helps...

What do you think? Are you published yet? If you are, what are your experiences?

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"DIY is for Weekends and Hobbies"

You can probably tell by the title that I'm not a huge fan of trying to do everything alone. Not anymore. Business and life are challenging enough already. I've learned to seek out every advantage I can find. There are some who do not agree. They consider themselves proud do-it-yourselfers. I guess?

As to the matter of whether and what people can do for themselves, that's an interesting topic for me. It gets into many issues that touch on what you do, as well. Could people do for themselves what you do for them? Of course they could. However, there is an efficiency and effectiveness to using a real estate professional that is hard to replicate for most people. Likewise with my business. There are people who choose not to compensate you for your services. Those who do are rewarded with outstanding service and results that far surpass what most could do on their own.

Same with me.

Of course most of the "I can do it myself" crowd haven't and aren't doing it themselves. That's part of the reason they're financial situation is in the condition it's in.

One more thought about the "I can do THAT myself!" mentality.

Sometimes it comes from people not wanting others to see their "stuff" up close. I can understand that and I have two responses that you might not like still.

1 - Every true professional I know in any field has seen "stuff" like yours and worse than yours. I see "stuff" and hear "stuff" all day, every day. I'm not phased by seeing stuff. Good doctors don't wince when they see blood and sores. They have to see them to know what you have and what to do about it.

2 - Staying with the doctor illustration: If it truly hurts bad enough, you'll get over yourself and show somebody where it hurts. When people are in pain, they'll get help. So, to other professionals on my page reading this... don't worry about those who won't show you their "stuff" because they aren't ready to be healed.

I'm done ranting now! LOL I promise... most people who meet me say I'm a nice guy! I just get perplexed and then see why it's always those who need the most help who are the most resistant. Then I see that the true key to success was written about by a wise man years ago... "there is safety in a multitude of counsel."

As to the matter of whether and what people can do for themselves, that's an interesting topic for me. It gets into many issues that touch on what you do, as well. Could people do for themselves what you do for them? Of course they could. Perhaps. If it's just about money, remember that cheap people never get ahead. Period. Say it however you want to, but the bottom line is sometimes you need to pay a professional to do what a professional does! The "I can do THAT myself" crowd never really accomplishes their goals.

Unless you are a professional serving yourself (a debatable strategy, too) you are not going to do nearly as good of a job as a professional will do for you. There's an old saying that goes "He who has himself as a lawyer, has a fool for a client." I now understand that 100% and will testify!!!

As you may know, I have two large areas of focus for my business: credit restoration and coaching.

In both areas, you run across the "I can do THAT myself!" crowd every single day. They are normally the people who need my help the most. But they're stuck looking at pennies when they need to be focused on dollars. Sadly, they're usually going to be in the same jacked up position one year, two years or forever. Why? Because they're using the same mind that created the problem to try to solve the problem.

On the other hand...

There are people (I'm looking at myself) who finally get to a point where you see the value in getting professional help and paying for professional help. I'm happier for it where I've done so. You can't always be looking to make it happen on your own. Not if it's really important to you.

People that spend time "trying" in the most critical areas of life usually get what they pay for... the job will be done about as well as a good TRAINEE would do. There is a HUGE difference, for example, between using a world class trainer like Tomeka Flowers and subscribing to Men's Health! But it depends on your goals, I suppose. If you want to just do a little better in some areas, go for it. If you want to compete against the best, get help.

It comes down a time/talent trade-off as well. If you want to spend the time honing your craft, then perhaps yes. If you need to get to a higher level, get help. The most effective people in life (IN ANY ARENA) focus on doing what they do well and then getting the best help/partnership they can get in other areas. Not any other way to see it really.

Painting is a great example. A professional painter (which I'm not) might cost you a few hundred bucks. But people say "Oh, I'll just do it myself!" and then lose thousands or tens of thousands of dollars on the house in lost sales revenue. Focused on pennies...

Not trying to be argumentative. Some will say "value always trumps price." Does value trump price really? I don't think so. The more critical or important the function, I'd say that value and price merge. Think about it. Going to Small Claims Court? Go alone. Going to Civil Court? Call your friend who practices a little law. Trying to stay off death row? An extreme example, for sure, but I wouldn't go with my buddy unless his last name was Kardashian, Jr. or Cochran, Jr. Therefore, does value trump price? There are isolated examples where you'll find someone who can do a great job for less than someone charging more. Over time, this will not remain the case. The person with great value will raise their pricing.

Back to my original premise. How much time do I have to invest in either teaching myself or can I accept inferior performance? Sometimes, you can't afford it. There's too much on the line. So I'll maintain my position. I can paint. You can paint. If you need someone to stage your house properly for sale in a hyper-competitive market, call a pro. Fast! If you need help getting your business or life unstuck and moved to a higher level, get HELP!!

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. To your success!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

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Are you with me or against me?

I hate to sound even remotely "negative" and if you know me, you know that. However, I need to reiterate my earlier post from my Live BIG! Die Empty. Facebook Page with a little bit of an explanation. I said "People who insist on measuring you only according to your past MUST NOT be allowed to be a part of your future!" It might be time to draw a line in the sand.

Your environment matters. A lot! One of the most limiting factors in many of your lives are external to you. The thoughts and opinions of you from those around you matter. They really do. They can either restrict you or free you to grow and excel. Heck, the Bible said that even Jesus couldn't do many miracles in his hometown. It's vital and fearful to take careful account of those with whom you work, socialize and even worship. You will become more and more like those you spend more and more of your time with!

We've talked about this before. Do you need further anecdotal evidence? Studies show that most fortunes are made AFTER a person physically moves to a new city/environment. Read books like The Millionaire Next Door and see what the authors have to say about the power of what I call "positive peer pressure" in your life. All of us need an opportunity to define ourselves and set our path solely based on the Creator's design for us and what He's placed in our hearts.

Back to my original point. Sadly, there are those who will only allow you to be what you WERE when you're around them. You're going to have to decide if that's acceptable to you. I'm not suggesting you cut off everyone, move to the other side of the planet and start over. There probably is someone, however, to whom you need to limit your exposure. On the other hand, the right people will push you to greater and greater heights!

Be careful to keep yourself around people who expect nothing but excellence from you. That's a key to Living BIG! and Dying Empty.

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon! Please subscribe and visit me on my Live BIG! Die Empty. Facebook page!!

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Excellence Requires Persistence of Purpose.

This is timely encouragement for somebody. Don't be discouraged if you aren't "there" yet! It's a process. You have to get with it an STAY WITH IT in the most important areas of your vision. You can't get there overnight. You just can't. Don't let people, the enemy or your frustrations lie to you. It's a process, but you have to stick with it. Excellence takes time to be developed in you.

I've written before about the 10,000 Hour Rule. I believe it more than ever after seeing the results in my own life and in the lives of others around me.

Excellence WILL BE DEVELOPED in you, if you stick with your vision. It takes time. Don't get off track! Please hear me. Don't get off track!! Your enemy wants you to stop before you make it. Some of you, he can discourage early. Some of you it takes longer. He doesn't care so long as he succeeds in getting you off the path. Doesn't matter if it happens early or later, if you quit early, he wins and YOU LOSE!!! And so do the rest of us who are waiting patiently for you to come into your place of excellence.

Keep going!!!

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon! Please subscribe and visit me on my Live BIG! Die Empty. Facebook page!!

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Questions...Questions...Questions...Final Exam Time!

Look, I know these last few blogs have been BORING!!!! I get it. It's been all about questions and talking and hard work and all that! I hate even typing them up so I know some of you hate reading them. There's some great stuff in Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3, however, but I'm going to end it here before I make people angry!

I feel like we can stop here. Here are the final questions in the series covering topics such as religion, race and ethnicity, education, culture and class and more!!

EXTENDED FAMILIES

103. Are you close to your family?
104. Are you or have you ever been alienated from your family?
105. Do you have a difficult time setting limits with family?
106. Have you identified the childhood wound that may have sabotaged your relationships in the past; the deeply imprinted fear that made you want to escape? How were you most hurt in your family; and who hurt you?
107. How important is it that you and your partner be on good terms with each other’s families?
106. How did your parents settle conflicts when you were a child? Do people in your family carry long-term grudges?
109. How much influence do your parents still have over your decisions?
110. Have unresolved or ongoing family issues ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

FRIENDS

111. Do you have a best friend?
112. Do you see a close friend or friends at least once a week? Do you speak to any of your friends on the phone every day?
113. Are your friendships as Important to you as your life partner is?
114. If your friends need you, are you there for them?
115. Is it important to you for your partner to accept and like your friends?
116. Is it important that you and your partner have friends in common?
117. Do you have a difficult time setting limits with friends?
118. Has a partner ever been responsible for breaking up a friendship? Have friends ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

PETS

119. Are you an animal lover?
120. Do you have a dog, cat, or other beloved pet?
121. Is your attitude; Love me, love my dog, cat?
122. Have you ever been physically aggressive with an animal? Have you deliberately hurt an animal?
123. Do you believe a person should give up his or her pet if it interferes with the relationship?
124. Do you consider pets members of your family?
125. Have you ever been jealous of a partner’s relationship with a pet?
126. Have disagreements about pets ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

POLITICS

127. Do you consider yourself liberal, moderate, or conservatives, or do you reject political labels? What was the attitude in your family about political involvement and social action?
128. Do you belong to a political party? Are you actively involved?
128. Did you vote in the last presidential election? Congressional election? Local election?
130. Do you believe that two people of differing political ideologies can have a successful marriage?
131. Do you believe that the political system is skewed against people of color, poor people, and the disenfranchised?
132. Which political issues do you care about? (For example, equality national security, privacy, the environment, the budget; women's rights, gay rights, human rights, etc.).
133. Has politics ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

COMMUNITY

134. Is it important for you to be involved in your local community?
135. Do you like having a close relationship with your neighbors? For example, would you give a neighbor a spare key to your home?
136. Do you regularly participate in community projects?
137. Do you believe that good fences make good neighbors?
138. Have you ever had a serious dispute with a neighbor?
139. Do you take pains to be considerate of your neighbors (for example, keeping a lid on loud music, barking dogs, etc.)?

CHARITY

140. How important is it to you to contribute time or money to charity?
141. Which kind of charities do you like to support? How much of your annual income do you donate to charity?
142. Do you feel that it is the responsibility of the haves of the world to help the have-nots?
143. Have attitudes about charitable contributions ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

MILITARY

144. Have you served in the military?
145. Have your parents or other relatives served in the military?
146. Would you want your children to serve in the military?
147. Do you personally identify more with a nonviolent approach, or with making change through military force and action?
148. Has military service or attitudes about military service ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

THE LAW

149. Do you consider yourself a law-abiding person?
150. Have you ever committed a crime? If yes, what was it?
151. Have you ever been arrested? If yes, for what?
152. Have you ever been in jail? If yes, why?
153. Have you ever been involved in a legal action or lawsuit? If yes, what were the circumstances?
154. Have you ever been the victim of a violent crime? If yes, describe what happened.
156. Do you believe it’s important to be rigorously honest when you pay taxes?
156. Have you ever failed to pay child support? If so, why?
157. Have legal or criminal issues ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

MEDIA

158. Where do you get your news (for example, TV news programs, radio, newspapers, newsmagazines, the Internet, friends)?
159. Do you believe what you read and see in the news, or do you question where information is coming from and what the true agenda is?
100. Do you seek out media with diverse perspectives on the news?
161. Have media differences ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

RELIGION

162. Do you believe in God? What does that mean to you?
163. Do you have a current religious affiliation? Is it a big part of your life?
164. When you were growing up, did your family belong to a church, synagogue, temple, or mosque?
185. Do you currently practice a different religion from the one in which you were raised?
166. Do you believe in life after death?
167. Does your religion impose any behavioral restrictions (dietary, social, familial, sexual) that would affect your partner?
168. Do you consider yourself a religious person? A spiritual person?
169. Do you engage in spiritual practices outside of organized religion?
170. How important is it to you for your partner to share your religious beliefs?
171. How important is it to you for your children to be raised in your religion?
172. Is spirituality a part of your daily life and practice?
173. Has religion or spiritual practice ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

CULTURE

174. Does popular culture have an important impact on your life?
175. Do you spend time reading about, watching, or discussing actors, musicians, models, or other celebrities?
176. Do you think most celebrities have a better, more exciting life than you do? (By the way, if they do, maybe it's because they are living their lives, while you are watching them live their lives. Are you wasting the opportunity and gift to live your own life?)
177. Do you regularly go to the movies, or do you prefer to rent movies and watch them at home?
178. What is your favorite style of music?
179. Do you attend concerts featuring your favorite musicians?
180. Do you enjoy going to museums or art shows?
181. Do you like to dance?
182. Do you like to watch TV for entertainment?
183. Have attitudes or behaviors around popular culture ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

LEISURE

184. What is your idea of a fun day?
185. Do you have a hobby that is important to you?
186. Do you enjoy spectator sports?
187. Are certain seasons off-limits for other activities because of football, baseball, basketball, or other sports?
168. What activities do you enjoy that do not involve your partner? How important is it to you that you and your partner enjoy the same leisure activities?
189. How much money do you regularly spend on leisure activities?
190. Do you enjoy activities that might make your partner uncomfortable, such as hanging out in bars drinking, going to strip clubs, or gambling?
191. Have leisure time issues ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
192. Do you enjoy entertaining, or do you worry that you will do something wrong or people won't have a good time?
193. Is it important for you to attend social events regularly, or does the prospect rarely appeal to you?
194. Do you look forward to at least one night out every week, or do you prefer to enjoy yourself at home?
195. Does your work involve attending social functions? If so, are these occasions a burden or a pleasure? Do you expect your spouse to be present, or do you prefer that your spouse not be present?
196. Do you socialize primarily with people from work, or with people from the same ethnic/racial/religious/ socioeconomic background? Alternatively, do you socialize with a diverse mix of people?
197. Are you usually the life of the party," or do you dislike being singled out for attention?
198. Have you or a partner ever had an argument caused by one or the others behavior at a social function?
199. Have differences about socializing ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

HOLIDAY AND BIRTHDAYS

286. Which (if any holidays do you believe are the most important to celebrate?
201. Do you maintain a family tradition around certain holidays?
202. How important are birthday celebrations to you? Anniversaries?
203. Have differences about holidays/birthdays ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

TRAVEL / VACATIONS

204. Do you enjoy traveling, or are you a homebody?
205. Are vacation getaways an important part of your yearly planning?
206. How much of your annual income do you designate for vacation and travel expenses?
207. Do you have favorite vacation destinations? Do you believe it's wasteful to spend money on vacations to distant places?
206. Do you think it's important to have a passport? To speak a foreign language?
209. Have disputes about travel and vacation ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

EDUCATION

210. What is your level of formal education? Is your education a source of pride or shame?
211. Do you regularly sign up for courses that interest you, or enroll in advanced-learning programs that will help you in your career or profession?
212. Do you think that college graduates are smarter than people who didn’t attend college? Have disparities in education ever been a source of tension for you in a relationship, or ended a relationship?
213. How do you feel about private school education for children? Do you have a limit on how much you would be willing to invest in private school education?
214. Have education levels or priorities ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

TRANSPORTATION

215. Do you own or lease a car? Would you ever consider not having a car?
216. Is the year, make, and model of the car you drive important to you? Is your car your castle?
217. Are fuel efficiency and environmental protection factors when you choose a car?
218. Given the availability of reliable public transportation, would you prefer not to drive a car at all?
219. How much time do you spend maintaining and caring for your vehicle? Are you reluctant to let others drive your car?
220. How long is your daily commute? Is it by bus, train, car, or carpool?
221. Do you consider yourself a good driver? Have you ever received a speeding ticket?
222. Have cars or driving ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

COMMUNICATION

223. How much time do you spend on the phone every day?
224. Do you have a cell phone? A BlackBerry?
225. Do you belong to any Internet chat groups? Do you spend significant time each day writing c-mails?
226. Do you have an unlisted telephone number? If yes, why?
227. Do you consider yourself a communicator or a private person?
228. What are the circumstances under which you would not answer the telephone, cell phone, or BlackBerry?
229. Has modem communication ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

MEALTIME
230. Do you like to eat most of your meals sitting at the table, or do you tend to eat on the run?
231. Do you love to cook? Do you love to eat? 232. When you were growing up, was it important that everybody be present for dinner?
233. Do you follow a specific diet regimen that limits your food choices? Do you expect others in your household to adhere to certain dietary restrictions?
234. In your family is food ever used as a bribe or a proof of love?
235. Has eating ever been a source of shame for you?
236. Have eating and food ever been a source of tension and stress in a relationship? Have they ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

GENDER ROLES

237. Are there household responsibilities you believe to be the sole domain of a man or a woman? Why do you believe this?
238. Do you believe that marriages are stronger if a woman defers to her husband in most areas? Do you need to feel either in control or taken care of?
239. How important is equality in a marriage? Define what you mean by equality.
340. Do you believe that roles in your family should be filled by the person best equipped for the job, even if it is an unconventional arrangement?
341. How did your family view the roles of girls and boys, men and women? In your family; could anyone do any job as long as it was done well?
242. Have different ideas about gender roles ever been a source of tension for you in a relationship, or the cause of a breakup?

RACE, ETHNICITY, AND DIFFERENCES

243. What did you learn about race and ethnic differences as a child?
244. Which of those beliefs from childhood do you still carry; and which have you shed?
245. Does your work environment look more like the United Nations, or like a mirror of yourself? How about your personal life?
246. How would you feel if your child dated someone of a different race or ethnicity? The same gender? How would you feel if he or she married this person?
247. Are you aware of your own biases regarding race and ethnicity? What are they? Where did they come from? (We are not born biased, we learn it, and it’s important to trace where it was learned.)
248. Have race, ethnicity, and differences ever been a source of tension and stress for you in a relationship?
249. What were your family’s views of race, ethnicity, and difference?
250. Is it important to you that your partner share your vision of race, ethnicity, and difference?
251. Have different ideas about race, ethnicity~ and difference ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

LIVING EVERY DAY

252. Would you consider yourself a morning person or a night person?
213. Do you judge people who have a different waking and sleeping clock than you?
254. Are you a physically affectionate person?
255. What is your favorite season of the year?
256. When you disagree with your partner, do you tend to fight or withdraw?
257. What is your idea of a fair division of labor in your household?
258. Do you consider yourself an easygoing person, or are you most comfortable with a firm plan of action?
256. How much sleep do you need every night?
260. Do you like to be freshly showered and wearing clean clothes every day, even on weekends or vacations?
261. What is your idea of perfect relaxation?
262. What makes you angry? What do you do when you are really angry?
263. What makes you most joyful? What do you do when you are joyful?
264. What makes you most insecure? How do you handle your insecurities?
265. What makes you most secure?
266. Do you fight fair? How do you know?
267. How do you celebrate when something great happens? How do you mourn when something tragic happens?
268. What is your greatest limitation?
269. What is your greatest strength?
270. What most stands in the way of you creating a passionate and caring marriage?
271. What do you need to do today to move toward making your dream marriage a reality?
272. What makes you most afraid?
273. What drains you of your joy and passion?
274. What replenishes your mind, body, and spirit?
275. What makes your heart smile in tough times?
276. What makes you feel the most alive?

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon! Please subscribe and visit me on my Live BIG! Die Empty. Facebook page!!

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Top Ten Ways to Know You Don't Have the Gift of Singleness

I tell people all the time that unless you're circling the globe preaching, teaching and converting people to Christ, you most likely don't have the gift of singleness. Here are some other ways to know!

10. You find yourself wishing you had a hug. Maybe even right now.
9. You like the idea of building a life with another person and being their support.
8. You feel like your family is incomplete...or you want to start one.
7. Netflix on a Friday night is getting old. Really old.
6. You miss having somebody to talk to and pray with at the end of a long day.
5. Hanging out with just your "boys" or "the girls" ain't doing it for you anymore.
4. You know you can contribute more to the kingdom in partnership with another.
3. Trying to remember when you had your last date just pisses you off.
2. You appreciate sharing financial burdens and planning together.
1. You're still screwing...don't plan to stop...or wish you were.

(Because it's virtually impossible to Live Big Die Empty with jacked up relationships.)

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon! Please subscribe and visit me on my Live BIG! Die Empty. Facebook page!!

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