If I could change just one thing about you, I'd change your..

If I could change one thing in the world right now when it comes to relationships, it would be this wave of cynicism that has overtaken people. My thought is the cynicism I see expressed throughout this world these days is not serving people well at all.

It's making things worse.

Any statement that begins with "All", "Many" or "Most" is probably wrong before even the next word is typed.  But think about how often TODAY you will read or hear someone say "(All) women don't...." or "Most men..."  Frankly, I think we need to give people more credit than that.  Substitute the word "some" in their place and you might be closer to the truth.  Maybe.

More importantly, these words you speak aren't ministering grace to the hearers and is destroying fruit. A lot of what you think has to be said, doesn't. Not at all. Even worse, you're hurting more than you're helping. 

"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear." ~ Ephesians 4:29

Death and life are still in the power of the tongue. If you want to have healthy relationships, you have to speak healthy relationships over yourself and over those around you. Complaining, categorizing and generally making a commotion doesn't help. Not at all.  Your words shape your life.

What do you think?  Add your comments below!
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Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY.  Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.

All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com 
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
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For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

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Music That Resonates with My Soul

This is a little different blog from me.  Let's see how it goes.  Simply put, these are songs of which I never get tired. Each has a special place in my soul. I imagine they always will.  I wanted to share them because they all have something in common... they are impossible to duplicate... timeless... specially unique.  They aren't all "spiritual" so to speak, but they inspire me to be my unique best, as well.  Here they are.  If you're going to judge me, go ahead and start a line!

Dream on by Aerosmith

"Dream until your dream comes true."  Enough said.  Even better that it's said at a pitch high enough to break glass.  I've seen people try and fail to copy this.  I'm sad for them.

Hurt by Johnny Cash

The Man in Black's autobiography in a single song.  You can feel his regrets and joys in everything he wrote.  Johnny Cash always wrote his life in his songs.  He was brave like that.  We should all be so courageous. 

Redemption Song by Bob Marley

Perhaps the most beautiful and thoughtful song I can think of.  Only surpassed by Lauryn Hill's version.  Transcendent.  Bob Marley's voice is another that can't be mimicked. Not well, anyway.  I love him for it.

Fight the Power by Public Enemy

I will never get tired of Public Enemy and will like this song until I'm dead and gone.  Chuck D's language the epitome of rappers making social commentary: "Rapping in anger" as he calls it.

Glory to Glory to Glory by Fred Hammond

Fred Hammond is one the few Christian artists who seems to be ministering and leading sincere worship towards God instead of just entertaining an audience.  I respect that.

Chan Chan by Buena Vista Club

This is the most romantic song ever in my mind. It hits every note... lyrics, music, meaning, purpose, partnership in love, exotic locale.  Everything.  I want to live this song.

Children's Story by Slick Rick

The next time you catch me at karaoke night, I will be performing this song.  Book it! One of the few I can recite line-for-line from beginning to end and never miss a line or vocal inflection. I'll let you know when I'm going to the club.

Jack & Diane by John Cougar (Mellencamp?)

This little ditty right here.  It is a true classic.  It will not get old.  It will not fade.  This is American rock.  You know it, too.  You could sing it with me.  Just put a little gravel in your voice.

Again, I know this is a little different way of expressing myself.  What are some songs that truly resonate with you?  Share them below!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY.  Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.

All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

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"10 Ways to Live BIGGER in 2013"

If you missed my broadcast of "10 Ways to Live BIGGER in 2013" you missed a treat! Remember to subscribe to get access to the entire broadcast here! It will bless your life! As referenced on the coaching call, I have put together a reading list for you, too, called "12 Books That Will Change Your Life" for the call. Check it out! "Leaders are readers!

Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.  Comments?  Please share them below!

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Twelve Books That Will Change Your Life

I am often asked about the books that I've read or am reading. Glad to help! Harry S. Truman - "Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers." Straight to the point, then, are twelve books that I think can change your life!

1. Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell - This is one book I wish had been written and I had read years and years ago.  Truly remarkable!  I've recommended this book to dozens.

2. The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason - Money management and mentality management using a timeless storytelling technique.  A must-read!

3. His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Dr. Willard Harley - The title kind of says it all.  Phenomenal book that is real and not at all judgmental.

4. The Sales Monster by Mark Anthony McCray - I am biased to include this one, but I've seen so many business owners and entrepreneurs struggle with this one fundamental aspect of business - asking for the money!

5. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie - Every person of influence is a leader whether they want to be or not.  This book teaches you how to be responsible in your leadership.

6. The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli - This isn't what most people think.  It's actually based on ethics more than you might have imagined.  It has suffered from decades of misquoting and misinterpretations.

7. Abraham Lincoln by James McPherson.  - President Lincoln was a truly transcendent figure in the history of the world.  Clearly.  He also successfully handled any number of personal and interpersonal challenges along his way in life.  Worth reading.

8. Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill - It's about the journey and the person you become along the way.  Don't think this book is about greed.  It's really about YOU.

9. The Millionaire Mind by Thomas Stanley - Along with The Millionaire Next Door, these are fantastic reads.  I like "The Millionaire Mind" a little more because the author includes the practical steps and thought patterns up-and-coming millionaires employed during their rises.

10. You Can Negotiate Anything: The World's Best Negotiator Tells You How to Get What You Want by Herb Cohen - This man is FUNNY and really makes you think about how the game of negotiation is played so that EVERYBODY wins.

11. Rich Dad, Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money That the Poor and the Middle Class Do Not! by Robert Kiyosaki You have to read this before you read The Cashflow Quandrant.  So, really, I'm recommending both! It is the Cashflow Quadrant that I think is truly brilliant.

12. Becoming a Person of Influence: How to Positively Impact the Lives of Others by John Maxwell - I recommend John Maxwell because he writes from a spiritual perspective without clubbing you over the head.  Good man.  You'll like him if you don't know him yet.

Why twelve? Because twelve gives you a book per month for 2013 and will help ensure it is your best year ever!!

Can you think of any that I missed?

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How to Be a Woman Worth Finding Pre-Order!!!

I am releasing this in conjunction with my next HUGE "Be Worth Finding" Conference Call and I wanted to give you a chance to pre-order now at a special offer price of just $4!!!  The regular price is $10 but all of my friends and supporters here can get ahead of the crowds and take advantage of this price.  I am only doing this for a short time for sure!

(By the way, you can learn more about this awesome LIVE conference call by CLICKING THIS LINK and then REGISTERING HERE for instructions for joining the broadcast!)

This is the most common question I get by far!  "Mark, what is a good woman?  What does she look like?  How does she act?  How can I become a woman worth finding?"  I knew the best way to answer this question for you was to put together a complete teaching on it, so that's what I've done!  I will show you what men of God are looking for and look at it all through the best lens of all - the Word of God!

Be warned!  This program will challenge you!  Don't listen to it unless you want to change!  Don't listen unless you want to be more blessed in your relationships!  I want you to pre-order NOW via PayPal.  It only takes a moment.  I am asking you to do this because I want you help getting the word out to the world as soon as we complete our upcoming broadcast.  Here's the link again:

Now, I have to say that if you haven't purchased your copy of my other audio teaching, "10 Things to Consider About a Man" you really need to get that, too!  It will bless you and help you learn what a real man of God looks like, acts like and talks like!  Check this LINK!

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5 Ways to Use Twitter on Purpose

A lot of people see me, you and others “Tweet” and wonder why they should get involved. I am asked this question at least once per week. Twitter is a great, great platform that we can all use to make a big difference in our lives if use it well. Here are some ways that I use Twitter to help me that you can use, too, and become a much happier person and more productive person and professional!

1. Tweet to help people that you would not otherwise reach.

Be intentional about sharing wisdom and lessons you have learned in life. You might do this in concert with a blog or not, but either way, you’ll feel better knowing that there is someone out there benefiting from something you have learned. They might be on the other side of the planet, but they’ll appreciate knowing someone else has gone through what they’re experiencing.

2. Tweet your goals and allow people to provide accountability.

I like to Tweet about things with which I need help or encouragement. Twitter can give you the powerful benefit of positive peer pressure. For example, when you have planned to workout or skip the buffet today, tell people about it. There will usually be a number of people who will reply with encouragements and even tips to help you with your challenge. It also helps you to know that people are going to be expecting results from you.

3. Tweet to direct people to your business and generate sales.

This is an easy one so I won’t dwell on it. However, after you begin building a following, you’ll discover that a number of people will simply want to know what you do for a living. Just tell them. They may have been looking for you all along. They already know and trust you now, so building trust to lead to a sale won’t be as necessary.

4. Tweet to wind down.

Tweeting when you’re pissed off, frustrated or otherwise needing to rant is a great thing – just watch some of your language – and it can be a lot less destructive than putting your fist through a wall or yelling at your spouse. Tweets live forever, so keep it clean. It’s well known that it’s better to let it out rather than keep it in, so use all caps if you need to do so!

5. Make friends.

I believe that we are who we spend time with. I have been intentional to seek out and follow and interact with people who are going where I want to go in life. In your regular life, it might be difficult to find people who create barcode art. Twitter allows you to expand your reach. Surely there are other people around the globe with your interests – no matter how obscure.

I have done all of the above. I have found that using Twitter throughout my day and my week actually ENHANCES my week by increasing my focus on productivity. This is in contrast to other social networking sites that often require a lot more energy of me than I get back in benefits.

Get to Tweeting! Tweeting with purpose can benefit you a lot!  I originally wrote and published this as a Twitip viewed by thousands here: To your success!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY.  Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

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Quit Quitting!

I love this graphic because so often quitting is about the same as hurting yourself in an attempt to hurt somebody else!  It is both funny and tragic how often the advice people give is "QUIT!" these days when they see someone facing challenges.  If you stop and think about it, running has never solved many of your problems. When you run, you bring your issues with you. When you take your time and deal with your problems, they stay dealt with.

If you are facing intense challenges and every instinct says "LEAVE!" check yourself and get some wise counsel first. WISE counsel. I try to surround myself with people who instead answer "Be encouraged!", "Hang in there!", "I'll pray with you." or things like that.

Quitting is a spirit. It doesn't live here where I am. The "Spirit of Quit" has infected America, but I'm free of it and will never be bound!  Again, I'm not saying you should stubbornly stay involved in every relationship, job or situation you're in.  To paraphrase my pastor, Thaddeus Eastland, I'm not saying don't leave.  I'm saying don't run!

Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.  Comments?  Please share them below!

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But Is Pornography Adultery?

I'm going to have to say no. Pornography is the sin of sexual temptation run wild and you, man, have to guard your eyes and heart before it leads you places you don't want to go...potentially costing you everything you truly value. And I mean EVERYTHING! Check out the graphic on my other post! Pornography addictions are costly. Too costly. If you see yourself going down that path, steer away now!

But my question isn't whether pornography is lust or whether it's sin. The question is whether it's adultery.  Should a woman feel justified in divorcing a man who is involved in pornography?  It is bad. Very bad. Not good. I am not saying pornography is okay.  However, I know a woman who left her husband because she caught him watching porn. He admitted to never having slept with another woman and she believed him but she said "It's the same thing!!!" and proceeded to kill her marriage.  Hearing that made me cringe and sad at the same time.

You might argue that he killed it by going to that website. I say she committed the greater sin.  I didn't say pornography wasn't a sin. But is lusting after a woman the same as wrecking one or more households because you two slept together? NO! This is an example of the logic of "I thought about it so I might as well do it." in action. Don't fall into that trap.

I'm not calling pornography good. It is bad for sure. However, it is very different than laying down with another person. That is MUCH HARDER for a couple to recover from! In the scenario above, the husband repented, asked for forgiveness and offered to get counseling. She filed for divorce.

Most bible teachers say sexual intercourse outside of marriage is proper grounds for divorce. Is watching pornography acceptable grounds for divorce? Before you say "yes" to this question and call it adultery, I ask you (even women) to be honest about how many times you've looked at another person with lust, but got convicted, repented and never acted on it. If you say you WOULD file for divorce over adultery but MIGHT NOT over pornography, you are saying they are NOT the same.

All I'm really saying is you have to allow for some grace. I think women penalize their husbands too much not realizing or understanding that

• Consuming pornography is normally just a symptom of a bigger problem and an opportunity to talk and redevelop some intimacy and...
• Men are much more visually stimulated than you think by a factor of 30X and he has not seen it as the kind of betrayal YOU see it as and...
• You are not extending the same grace you want extended to you in other areas of your walk. 

Pornography addiction is a major problem, but it is recoverable. And it's not the same as adultery in deed any more than a woman's failure to submit to her husband is automatically grounds for divorce. If you need help with sexual temptation, please contact: http://newlife.com/emb/

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Yet Another Way Pornography Destroys.

I am hearing from a lot of men who are feeling absolutely inadequate and like it is impossible to please a woman. I think this is a real opportunity for ministry! But I can't do it alone.  If you are involved with a man, you (as a woman after God's heart) have a real opportunity to minister to the man to whom God has assigned you! That's all I'll say. Sowing and reaping. Sowing and reaping. Sowing and reaping. I really don't know what else to say. I know that you will be blessed if you become a blessing.

Often, when I write this way, the instinct is for several people to reply "Well, what about me and my needs?!" I hear you loud and clear. But you can only be responsible for your own actions. A part of having faith in God is having faith in your relationships to. Even when I post on He Who Finds A Wife, I never let guys respond with "WHAT ABOUT HER???" You have to be responsible for your own obedience to the Lord's commands first and foremost.

The real problem, I think, is pornography. Men see that material and begin to compare themselves to the 2% of men who are enormous size-wise. Those images never leave our minds.  I think this is an area where women can truly minister to their husbands. I mean TRULY minister. It is needed. I talked to several WISE women I know. All talked about skill, technique and foreplay as being the most important things. A few talked about the need to feel "dominated" in regards to a man being sexually aggressive. In other words, it isn't about size.  But I know some great men who are deathly afraid to marry because they think they can't or won't measure up.  They are terrified that their faith, financially stability and love won't matter to a woman.

Here is what one wrote to me. She is a woman who runs two counseling centers for women:

"Mark, Considering a lot of misinformation out there, I want to share both my educational and personal understanding:

1. The “G” spot is only about three inches in, thus if taught correctly, a woman could orgasm unlimited amount of times, literally with something the size of a middle finger.
2. A woman’s vagina is between 3-4 inches deep. 
3. Exceptional large men cannot insert their entire penis…this can easily be seen in even porn. 

Now, as a woman who works with women. Over and over again we find that the thrust is not the key in sexual satisfaction. Being a person who is a seeker of knowledge, I am sure you know a lot about the need to stimulate the variety of erogenous zones in a woman. What you may not know is that “surrender” plays such a key role in a woman’s sexual satisfaction, and the sits squarely on her need of feeling secure. Many women, and men seek all kinds of intensity of sexual play in hopes of getting that high, but the high doesn’t originate in the size, shape, or position as much as it does in the mind. 

And I hear this over and over again with women. They want to blame everything else, but look at their own inner wounds. So, to recap, whether women admit it, or even know it, size does not matter. Technique and relationship is the biggest key in sexual ecstasy."

I got about 30 similar responses from women of various ages and backgrounds. They all said virtually the same thing. Now, maybe you should be more vocal about sharing this with the man you love!?

Also, guys, just leave pornography alone.  It isn't worth it.  Why involve yourself in something that is going to destroy intimacy, productivity and personal peace on top of being sinful?  If you need help, check out Every Man's Battle for some great resources!

Thank you for your honesty and patience! Be sure to subscribe, share and leave your comments below!

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5 Ways to Recharge Your Batteries

Everyone feels run down from time to time. That's normal. Burnout occurs when you don't recharge. That's not good at all.  I was in that place coming into the week.  Just tired and feeling like I needed a little break.  If you stay in that place too long, it can lead to feelings of depression.  Unfortunately, I know that, too, by experience.

Even more, I think it's important to come into a new year with a full tank of gas in your tank.  If you're feeling a little depleted coming out of the last couple of holidays, here are some excellent ways to recharge...

1. Help somebody else with their problems.  I've found one of the best ways to get refreshed is to focus on refreshing somebody else.  Sometimes you're feeling run down because you're focused only on your world and your own challenges.  Get outside of yourself.

2. Travel.  See the world through different eyes.  You don't need an airplane to do this.  Drive to work by a different path.  Explore neighborhoods you've never visited within your own city.  Eat at a new restaurant.  There are tons of ways to broaden your perspective.  I find that when I do this, I always get new energy!

3. Get some new ideas.  Invite somebody you don't know very well to breakfast or coffee for conversation.  Ask them questions.  Listen.  It can shock your senses!  Reading does this, too, but I suggest getting some good old-fashioned interpersonal time with someone when you're feeling out of sorts.  I'll grant you this: If you need to retreat and get away from people, do that.  But that isn't the only option.

4. Sleep.  Americans don't sleep.  That is a big part of our problems.  We don't rest.  We don't understand the value of taking time off.  We (falsely) think pressing our bodies through all the warning signs is wise living.  It isn't.  Not close.  Make a habit of unplugging from social media, telephones, televisions and sleep.  I couldn't write a blog about being refreshed without mentioning sleep could I?  Have I beaten this point to death yet?  Take a nap!

5. Fast and pray.  I always come out of seasons of fasting looking at life differently and ready to go forward full steam ahead!!  Google the benefits of fasting.  I run across a lot of people who've never done it before.  If that is you, you are missing out!  The spiritual benefits are the most important to me.  The physical benefits are many, as well.  Honestly, it's a mind, body and soul thing.  All of "you" will be better for it.

What are your best ways to recharge? Let me know below!

Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.  Comments?  Please share them below!

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