8 Keys to Achieving Higher Performance in Your Purpose: Key #6 - Get Expert Help!

I had a dream last night worth sharing because I think it will be something every person will want to consider, pray about and seek out in their own lives.

In my dream I was working on putting together a saxophone. I don't know why. I don't play the saxophone! For some reason, I wanted it. I worked every day on this thing. I was using a spare bedroom in my neighbor's house as my workshop. I would leave it over there and go home in the evenings - then come back and work on it the next day.

One day, I quit early because it was driving me crazy.

Anyway... the next morning I woke up and went over to work on building my saxophone. Louis Armstrong was sitting there doing it for me!! Yes. That Louis Armstrong. We talked while he worked. It only took a few minutes as he slung everything together and then showed me how to play a few notes. He was amazing. He took so much stress off my back and brought a smile to my face. A big cheese-eating one!

This dream reminded me of the power of EXPERT help! And that's my prayer for myself and for you today! That we would begin to seek out expert help in every area that's difficult for us and where we're struggling to make the progress we want to make. Some things don't have to take as long as they're taking us. We just need a little help from the right people.

Amen?

Looking for someone to change and empower your local business, civic or church group? Contact me right away! My calendar for the Spring and Summer is getting packed but I want to make sure I'm where I'm SUPPOSED TO BE this year and don't want you to miss a message you're SUPPOSED TO RECEIVE from me!!

Contact me here ---> MAGIC LINK!!! I work with a few people individually, as well. Here's the SUPER DUPER LIVE BIG! DIE EMPTY. link to my coaching services!

In case you're interested in being able to quickly navigate the entire series, here are the links!

Series Introduction
Key 1: Be Who You Are!
Key 2: Same Approaches = Same Results
Key 3: Change Your Associations
Key 4: The Least Appreciated Key
Key 5: Seek Favor
Key 6: Get Expert Help
Key 7: Open Your Mouth
Key 8: What Are You Afraid Of?

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon!

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8 Keys to Achieving Higher Performance in Your Purpose - Key #5: Seek Favor

Seek favor. Favor can take you in five minutes where hard work alone will take you in five years. Here are five ways to cultivate favor in your life:

1. Ask God for open doors and for an eye for opportunity. You can't see what's right around the bend, but He can. Ask Him to show you things you haven't seen. Ask Him for favor. There's no shame in doing so. They always say "favor isn't fair" and I believe it! Life can be challenging enough. You need every "unfair" advantage you can get! Before you seek favor with men, seek His favor. It means so much more.

2. Share your vision with enthusiasm and boldness. There are people waiting to help you if only they knew what direction you are going. Change the atmosphere around you when you begin to talk. People will rally behind you, go before you and surround you with support. Give them the chance. Even those who can't help you will pray for you. Will you arouse some rivals? Of course! But nothing good grows in the dark. Shout it loud!

3. Seek guidance and ask for help. Learn how to admit you need help and ask for it. If the person you know can't help you, ask if they know someone who can. There's also a saying that goes "Ask for money and you'll get advice, but ask for advice and you'll get money." Ask for help. If you need money, it will come. Never let a lack of money stall you.

4. Be receptive to people who offer you advice and feedback. Become a person who is gracious in receiving feedback from people. Don't be so gruff and don't take it so harshly. Most people want you to do better even if they communicate it poorly at times. Don't make people regret saying things to you because they'll stop trying to help. Nothing would be worse than that.

5. Communicate the progress and changes that you make to those around you. When you get good advice from wise people, show them and tell them that you've listened. Report back to them. Let them know their words weren't wasted on you. When people see you doing your best, they are always moved to help even more. That's favor!

Seek favor. Favor can take you in five minutes where hard work alone will take you in five years. Achieving higher performance isn't always about working harder. Sometimes you'll need advantages the labor alone can't bring you!

In case you're interested in being able to quickly navigate the entire series, here are the links!

Series Introduction
Key 1: Be Who You Are!
Key 2: Same Approaches = Same Results
Key 3: Change Your Associations
Key 4: The Least Appreciated Key
Key 5: Seek Favor
Key 6: Get Expert Help
Key 7: Open Your Mouth
Key 8: What Are You Afraid Of?

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon!

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I Bet Boaz Had a Beer Belly

"He needs to be light-skinned or bi-racial so my daughters can have good hair."

"He needs to be tall so I can wear high heels all the time. At least 6'2"."

"He needs to be a professional athlete because they make a lot of money and I don't want to work."

"I refuse to sign a pre-nup. If things go bad, I want half. I'll work if he wants me to, but not at a job that makes a lot of money."

"I'm going to live in New York. So he's got to be fine with that."

How do you measure a good man? These are quotes from a 14-year old I know that is currently receiving some RE-EDUCATION about what a good man looks like from yours truly! But it's not like I don't hear these words almost every day. I didn't want to hear them from her, but I wasn't surprised!

I mean... everybody talks about wanting Boaz, but what do you think Boaz looked like? I bet he had a little bit of a gut. Dude was middle-aged wasn't he? The chances of him looking like [insert your favorite eye candy here - I ain't going there!] are very slim!

Let's go down YOUR LIST of requirements in a man, Miss Single Christian Woman!

* Attractive and at least 6'1" without shoes so I can wear my heels
* Weighs between 195 and 225 lbs and a low BMI
* White teeth or willing to invest in a procedure within two weeks
* Credit score of 730 or better
* Earns at $85,000 annually plus bonuses
* Has been on his job for more than five years
* Speaks in a holy tongue...none of those unholy ones
* He can drink a little as long as it's no more than 6 ounces of a beverage with less than 6% ABV per month
* He must be a Fred Hammond fan. Donnie McClurkin, too!
* He must not listen to any secular music made after 1985
* Must drive a luxury sports sedan - foreign preferred but not required
* Must not ask me to relocate, change churches, or change my side of the bed
* Must like my hair the way it is because "I don't change for no man"
* Must have an undergraduate degree from an accredited college and at least 12 hours in post-graduate work with a 3.25 GPA. Transcripts required
* Can be a member of Facebook, but must not have more than 45% of Friends be female or he is a dog. Otherwise, all social networking accounts must be deleted upon third date...if accounts remain active, all Profile Pics must include both of us.
* My Pastor is the best Pastor, so you must submit to him or you are not of God

Now...how many of these would appear on God's list of a "good man" for you? I can tell you this...I'm concerned most that my daughter marries a man who loves her, respects her and works hard to provide for and protect his family. I want him to be a man who serves God and likes Longhorn football. That's about it!

What requirements are you putting on your Boaz? Are they Godly? Are you sure?

If you can find a man who loves you and who is willing to commit to you, I suggest you look past things that are easily fixable or forgotten.

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8 Keys to Achieving Higher Performance in Your Purpose: Key #4 (The Least Appreciated Key)

I call this the master key within the entire series!

There is NO SUBSTITUTE FOR DILIGENCE!!! Read what Solomon, the wisest man who's ever lived, had to say about diligence. It's an interesting word. Some people think "diligence" is discipline, but it isn't. Discipline is good, but nothing unlocks your potential like DILIGENCE.

Some people think hard work is diligence. It isn't. Hard work is good, but only begins to scratch the surface.

What is diligence then? Diligence is all of those concepts and more. Embedded in the word is the thought of rising early in the morning and DOING WHATEVER it takes to accomplish your goal. It's like mining for gold...or mining for your goal.

A successful miner digs and digs and digs. He invests in better tools so he can dig more efficiently. He rises early in the morning and stays late. He knows the gold will be taken by others if he isn't in the field. He stays late after others have gone home because there's a nugget they're going to miss...but he isn't going to miss it!

It reminds of when I was young and my folks would take us out to the Crater of Diamonds State Park in Arkansas.

You would work all day in the hopes of finding something precious. When you did, everything felt worth it! Many people have found great treasures out there in those fields, but only the ones who worked for it.

(The diamond pictured about was found at Crater of Diamonds. Not by me, but still...)

I didn't realize I was learning a word-picture for this concept even as a child, but I'm glad I did. Now, whenever I'm lagging in my effort, I think about mining. I think about digging and digging for hidden treasure. Because that's diligence. And Solomon says it's the key to riches, wealth and a life that's truly prosperous!

In case you're interested in being able to quickly navigate the entire series, here are the links!

Series Introduction
Key 1: Be Who You Are!
Key 2: Same Approaches = Same Results
Key 3: Change Your Associations
Key 4: The Least Appreciated Key
Key 5: Seek Favor
Key 6: Get Expert Help
Key 7: Open Your Mouth
Key 8: What Are You Afraid Of?

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon!

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8 Keys to Achieving Higher Performance in Your Purpose: Key #3 - Change Your Associations

In the introduction to this series, I talked about getting intimate with your own special purpose. I believe that each of us was put here with a unique calling and a special mission. It may not always be grand, but it's yours. Key #1 discussed being UNIQUELY YOU!!!

Key #2 was about changing your attitudes, actions and approaches to get different results in life.

Today is one of my favorite topics.

If you want to achieve higher performance, you have to change your associations! Positive peer pressure is one of the best forces you can put to work for yourself. Again. This is another one that I know well. If you want to have a better marriage, being around people with healthy marriages will help. If you want to earn more money, it's critical to spend time with people who are good stewards of their money and who earn more than you do. It is said that your income will grow to average that of the five people with whom you spend the most time. I believe it! If you want to live healthier and lose weight, look at the people around you. What are their habits?

Here are four specific ways to change your peer group.

1. Get a coach or join a mastermind group. It's always great to have someone or a group to bounce your ideas off of. I've found it invaluable to just be able to hear myself talk out loud about my hopes, dreams and plans. I've got one coming up. Get in touch with me. I might be able to help. Many people fail to progress because all of their ideas live only in their own heads. Never shared. Never refined. Never acted upon. It's a shame.

2. Attend conferences and networking events. For some people, this might include changing the church you attend. It's vital to be around people who are going the way you want to go. This isn't about being an elitist. They don't have to already be "there" to influence you positively. However, they need to be on the same road!! Attending professional events and getting around successful people adds a unique energy to you. Iron truly sharpens iron!

3. Change your social media "friends" and upgrade. Do all the people you interact with online look and sound like you? Do they all act like you? If so, you are missing a chance to be sharpened and learn more about the world. Observe how the people you admire "behave" online. What do they talk about? How do they spend their time?

4. Read the biographies of great people. One of my favorite things to read and listen to are biographies. Most of the people you and I consider to be successful (in any field) spent years and years of back-breaking labor to get where they are today. Biographies tell their stories in ways that are easier to relate to. My passion for biographies was re-ignited by my pastor, Thaddeus Eastland. He's talked before about how he used them as life guides and mentors when his father wasn't around to be that for him. In other words, people don't even have to be there with you to influence you positively.

What are some other ways to improve your peer group and environment?

In case you're interested in being able to quickly navigate the entire series, here are the links!

Series Introduction
Key 1: Be Who You Are!
Key 2: Same Approaches = Same Results
Key 3: Change Your Associations
Key 4: The Least Appreciated Key
Key 5: Seek Favor
Key 6: Get Expert Help
Key 7: Open Your Mouth
Key 8: What Are You Afraid Of?

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon!

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8 Keys to Achieving Higher Performance in Your Purpose: Key #2 - Same Approaches = Same Results

In the introduction to this series, I talked about getting intimate with your own special purpose. I believe that each of us was put here with a unique calling and a special mission. It may not always be grand, but it's yours. Key #1 discussed being UNIQUELY YOU!!!

Now let's explore Key #2!

First, this short video!



The bottom line is this: if you want different results, you have to change your attitudes, actions and approaches. How many challenges have you approached the same way over and over and over and over?! That's like trying to kill all the pigs in Angry Birds with the same shots you've used 30 times!

Sometimes you just have to do something differently! Otherwise you're going to become as angry as that bird! Some of you haven't done anything different in years. You're frustrated with your relationships, but won't get help...or even go out on a date. You're upset about your money, but won't work harder, ask for a raise or find a job that pays you what you want to earn. Even if you're accustomed to effort, if you aren't getting results, make a shift. A small shift can make a big difference sometimes.

Write it out if you have to. List out the things you normally do, but don't work. Next to them, write out other actions you could take instead.

I know this personally. Some of the biggest and best blessings in my life have come after I got tired of beating my head against the wall and did something different. How about you? How can you approach tomorrow in a new way? If you do everything the same way, you'll get the same results you have right now. If you're okay with that, fine, but I suspect you're not!

In case you're interested in being able to quickly navigate the entire series, here are the links!

Series Introduction
Key 1: Be Who You Are!
Key 2: Same Approaches = Same Results
Key 3: Change Your Associations
Key 4: The Least Appreciated Key
Key 5: Seek Favor
Key 6: Get Expert Help
Key 7: Open Your Mouth
Key 8: What Are You Afraid Of?

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon!

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8 Keys to Achieving Higher Performance in Your Purpose: Key #1 - Be Who You Are!

In the introduction to this series, I talked about getting intimate with your own special purpose. I believe that each of us was put here with a unique calling and a special mission. It may not always be grand, but it's yours. It is unique to you and you've been equipped for it. Check out what the Bible records as God's conversation with Jeremiah from Jeremiah 1:5-8:

"5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
And before you were born I consecrated you;
I have appointed you a prophet to the nations.”
6 Then I said, “Alas, Lord GOD!
Behold, I do not know how to speak,
Because I am a youth.”
7 But the LORD said to me,
“Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’
Because everywhere I send you, you shall go,
And all that I command you, you shall speak.
8 “Do not be afraid of them,
For I am with you to deliver you,” declares the LORD."

Please hear me on this point as you continue through your day: you are special. God knew you and planned for you and accounted for YOU in His eternal plan before you got here. You were always in His mind and never, never, ever and accident!

So, be who you are. No question this is the #1 thing I have "learned" and I'm walking in more powerfully than ever. I aim to be even more aggressively "me" in 2012. You have to determine in your mind to do the same. Just like Jeremiah, our first instinct is to give God and excuse! "I'm too young." "I'm too old." "I'm too short." "I'm too black." "If I had a wife, I would do it." "If I had a husband I could do it." "I'm too ______." Yap, yap, yap! You forget that He already knows. He created you with certain qualities for your mission. Some deficiencies He's allowed so He can get the glory.

Understand the distinction I'm making. Don't become overly concerned about being "better" at any particular task just yet. You're not going to prosper outside of your purpose anyway. There are many good things you are naturally, but you suppress them. Being authentically you will fix most of that and propel you forward in life.

Now go back and look at Verse 8. You don't have to be afraid to be yourself and do what you're here to do. Even if you have enemies, you have a Great Deliverer. Your worst imaginings of what could happen are just that. Imaginings.

Go forward. Be YOU!

In case you're interested in being able to quickly navigate the entire series, here are the links!

Series Introduction
Key 1: Be Who You Are!
Key 2: Same Approaches = Same Results
Key 3: Change Your Associations
Key 4: The Least Appreciated Key
Key 5: Seek Favor
Key 6: Get Expert Help
Key 7: Open Your Mouth
Key 8: What Are You Afraid Of?

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon!

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8 Keys to Achieving Higher Performance in Your Purpose: Introduction

I get a lot of questions e-mailed to me about purpose and how to get better, do better and be better. Tons. (I want more of them, frankly! I appreciate all the interaction.) There seem to be common themes emerging so I felt like it was time to dedicate some focus to these areas. People ask me things like

What is my purpose?
How can I know it for sure?
I know my purpose, but I feel stuck. What can I do?
Where can I find a mentor?
How can I raise the money?
How can I earn more money?
I'm not sure I'm meant for anything more. Am I?

These are all great questions! Over the next several blog posts, I'm going to address these and more. We have to start out talking about purpose and how to figure out yours, however. I truly believe you can't prosper or have true peace if you operate outside of your own special purpose. Therefore, until you are doing so, you're going to have a level of frustration in life you'll never be able to get away from.

The first thing I want you to do is watch this short video. It should help with some basics. I believe you already know your purpose in life and could just use some clarity. This video will give you some clarity. I first wrote about them here.



Now that you've watched that, you understand that hope and hype are great, but you need METHODS to truly advance in life.  In case you're interested in being able to quickly navigate the entire series, here are the links!

Series Introduction
Key 1: Be Who You Are!
Key 2: Same Approaches = Same Results
Key 3: Change Your Associations
Key 4: The Least Appreciated Key
Key 5: Seek Favor
Key 6: Get Expert Help
Key 7: Open Your Mouth
Key 8: What Are You Afraid Of?

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon!

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What is a "Dealbreaker" anyway?

I like to ask my readers questions, but today I need to make a statement to correct a common misconception. That's a fancy word for WRONG THINKING! I read all day everyday about "dealbreakers" and other such stupid ridiculousness. I call it ridiculousness because I've seen stuff listed such as nap-taking, height and aversion to eating soul-food listed as freaking dealbreakers. Really?

I mean for real, for real?

Garbage.

All this talk has you majoring in stuff that is easily fixable, bearable, temporary or invisible in the dark. Trust me on that. If I see another guy kick a wonderful woman to the curb because of something crazy and insignificant, there might be a fight right there on the street. Me and my saved self might have to throw down. I know 40 year old men with round bellies and half-George Jefferson-bald heads claiming they can't be with anyone other than a never-married, no kids, no serious ex-boyfriends, Masters Degree having, tongue-talking, freaky, Size 6 woman who walks around cooking and bowing to him all day saying "Yessa, Massa!"

I hear woman saying they can only have a man who...looks like The Rock (but hetero), preaches like TD Jakes (without the purple suits), cooks like Emeril (but isn't fat) and balls like Trump (but not a butthole.) Let me let you in on a secret: you can probably get a couple of these in one package, but you'll be hard-pressed to get all-in-one.

The #1 thing you should be looking for in a mate is someone with a SHARED VALUES SYSTEM. It starts there. It ends there. This addresses your faith, your belief in educational approaches, your politics, what you eat, where you will live, what you'll do for fun. EVERYTHING!

Should you partner with someone who doesn't share your VALUES SYSTEM? Absolutely not. Not ever. No way. That is the very epitome of compromise - and not the good kind either. The "good" kind of compromise is deciding to go to KFC when you two have argued too long about Church's vs. Popeye's. The "bad" kind of compromise is when you set aside your key beliefs in order to try to accommodate another person.

In other words, you should be ready and WILLING to compromise EVERYTHING except your VALUES SYSTEM.

Let me make another example: Does your values system REQUIRE you to wear red lipstick? No? I didn't think so. Now think about this...does your spouse prefer you to wear blue lipstick from time to time? Wear blue lipstick sometimes. Move on. Smile about it. On the other hand, does your values system REQUIRE you to never wear makeup? Look for a guy who hates makeup.

So sit and decide what your core values are. Write them down. These are core. The other things are not core. Flexibility outside the core values is necessary. I highly encourage everyone to write out their core values. I've done it myself. Then you'll truly know what a dealbreaker is and isn't.

You're welcome.

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Getting People to Listen

Here's a simple way to offer advice that people NEED and have them actually LISTEN to you. You've heard it said that people don't care what you know until they know that you care. That's true! Now, here's the way to show them that you care quickly and in in a few short statements:

1. "I understand what you're feeling." - Use this statement (or one like it) to make it clear that you are listening and relating to what is on their heart and mind.

2. "I have felt the same way." - Show them that you've been there before...either in the same situation or in a similar one.

3. "Here's what I've found." - Detail what you learned and how you rose out of that place in life. This becomes their action items.

Don't quote these directly! That said, if you use this pattern, people will receive what they need to hear from you much better. They will feel that you care...and then care about what you know!

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon! To your success!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

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