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Do All Your Princes Turn Into Frogs?

by Alison A. Armstrong

Am I A Frog Farmer?

If you answer “Yes” to any of the following questions, you may be a Frog Farmer. It is not your fault! Frog Farming comes from how we all have been taught to relate to men. It’s based in misunderstandings and miscommunication. We can help!
  • Do men keep their distance instead of seeking emotional intimacy?
  • Do you feel ignored instead of adored?
  • Do you feel taken from instead of given to by men?
  • Are men defensive with you instead of open?
  • Do you experience being objectified instead of cherished?
  • Have you been told you intimidate men?

At age 23, I married my first husband, whom I affectionately refer to as Mr. Tall, Dark & Handsome. Believe me, he is all that and a great guy too. By the time we divorced 6 years later, I was convinced that I simply was not the type of woman that men fell in love with, that men loved passionately and gave presents to, that men wrote poetry for and couldn’t wait to make love to. I explained this to myself with the theory that I must be missing the “Grace Kelly gene.” Whatever that Princess Grace-quality was that has men adore a woman, I just didn’t have it.

“Why is it that men are really great in the beginning? They pay lots of attention, they’re really romantic, they listen, they bring you flowers, and they act like they care about your pets. Then, after a few weeks or a few months, they turn into sports-watching, pizza-eating, beer-belching couch slugs.”

After my marriage ended, I began a relationship with a man who treated me like Princess Grace. He was very attentive, romantic, interested and passionate. I then decided that there wasn’t something wrong with me after all. My new theory was that I had simply married “the wrong man” and was now with “the right man.”
Lo and behold, after 6 months or so, I had the same complaints about my new boyfriend that I had about my old husband. He had definitely changed from that great guy he had been. Then I remembered that my husband was really great in the beginning, too. That’s why I married him (plus he was tall, dark and handsome!). Looking back, all my boyfriends had been wonderful at first, and they changed, too.
As I thought about the precise moment when men changed, I decided it was when they had “caught” me; the point at which I was unquestionably hooked on their attention and affection. The trick would be to never let a man know I was caught, I cleverly thought. I concluded that if I kept men guessing then they would stay on their best behavior. The only problem with this new strategy, of course, is that it is the opposite of how I wanted to be in a relationship. I wanted to be able to surrender to being in love, be secure, and have a future.
A couple of weeks after I devised my new and improved strategy, a friend of mine independently complained about the same phenomenon. Fatefully for me, the person to whom she voiced her complaint was a man.

My friend asked, “Why is it that men are really great in the beginning?”

“They pay lots of attention, they’re really romantic, they listen, they bring you flowers, and they act like they care about your pets. Then, after a few weeks or a few months, they turn into sports-watching, pizza-eating, beer-belching couch slugs.” (Imagine all that in a Texas accent – she was really mad.)

”You’re a Frog Farmer”

“Some women turn frogs into princes. You, my dear, turn princes into frogs.”

To my surprise, the man replied, “Oh, I see. You’re a Frog Farmer.”
“A what?” she asked.
“A Frog Farmer.” He elaborated. “Some women turn frogs into princes. You, my dear, turn princes into frogs.”
As you can imagine, my friend was not pleased with this answer at all. But I was completely intrigued. I immediately had a vision: a field with rows upon rows of frogs with the little human faces of my husband and past boyfriends.

My reaction was, “Wow. I’m a frog farmer!”

I knew intuitively that it was true. Instead of this being bad news, to me it was great news. If I had anything at all to do with how men treated me, I wanted to know. If I it was something I was doing, then I could change it too. (Refer to the end of this article to learn more about the symptoms of Frog Farming.)
Thus began my research in February of 1991. I started with the question, “What if men are responding to women?” Since then I have talked with countless men about how they view the world, their lives, work, relationships, family and especially, women. What I learned completely surprised me. What I learned rocked my world.
As my research changed my view of men, it changed how I react to them, and talk to them, and think about them. My research also changed my experience of being a woman. I even discovered that I affect how much they change after they catch me. I learned that it was I that changed when they caught me, and their behavior followed suit.

After a while, other women started noticing that men treat me differently.

They began asking:
  • “What is it about you that men are so wonderful to you?” and,
  • “Why is it that men will do anything for you – and you are not even sleeping with them?” and, most commonly,
  • “What do you know that I don’t know?”
Back then it would only take a couple of hours to explain what I had learned about men and some of their most annoying behaviors. Months, even years, later, the women would tell me that their relationships with men had never been the same.
In 1995, a couple of women, impatient to learn everything I had discovered, asked me to put it all together in one class. I’d been designing workshops and seminars for 13 years at that point, so creating a new one wasn’t a problem. I distilled all of the knowledge I’d gained over the years, extracted what I considered to be most important and applicable to most women, and used that knowledge to create the first PAX Programs workshop: Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women®.
What I learned has changed my life. I have amazing relationships with men friends, my teenage son, and the men in my family. I have been married since 1993 to a very successful man who does all those things I had hoped for and more. The best thing is we are more in love now than when we married!

101 Great Questions to Ask Men

(I am reposting this from Allison Armstrong, a happily married woman and relationship coach whom I think is absolutely brilliant!  The next words are hers.  Please share your comments any time!)

Here are some of the “Greatest Hits” from our panels. While the questions may not seem special to you, the responses we have received from men have been extraordinarily enlightening. If you are asking a question about women, take a deep breath and listen with curiosity. To start out, we recommend asking the questions about them and their lives outside of women. That way you can practice being safe to talk to you before it gets more personal to you.

  1. What is great about being a man?
  2. What is your definition of a successful life?
  3. What qualities do you like about yourself?
  4. What qualities do you admire in other people?
  5. Who are your heroes?
  6. If you could have a conversation with one person, alive or historical, who would that be and why?
  7. What is God or spirituality to you? How important is that in your life?
  8. Where do you get your spiritual nourishment?
  9. What makes you feel free?
  10. What’s your idea of a perfect day? What makes it perfect?
  11. If you won the lottery, what would you do?
  12. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would that be?
  13. How do you define greatness?
  14. What is your definition of an “honorable man?”
  15. Who are your role models?
  16. How have your needs changed since your 20s, 30s, 40s, etc?
  17. What qualities do you think are distinctly male?
  18. What accomplishments are you most proud of?
  19. What do you want to be appreciated for?
  20. What have you done out of obligation that you really didn’t want to do?
  21. When do feel at peace?
  22. How do you relax?
  23. What do you do for fun?
  24. How much adventure do you need and where do you get it?
  25. How much “alone time” do you need and what does it provide for you?
  26. What do you like to do alone?
  27. What are you passionate about?
  28. What kind of vacation do you enjoy?
  29. When are you happiest?
  30. If you like watching sports, what does that do for you?
  31. If you like playing sports, what does that do for you?
  32. What are your favorite sports and why?
  33. What do you love about your life?
  34. If you could change something about your life with a magic wand, what would it be?
  35. What do you respect about other men?
  36. What does being with your male friends provide for you?
  37. What is it like to spend time with your male friends?
  38. How much time do you need to spend with your friends?
  39. How does having a wife or girlfriend along change your time with male friends?
  40. What do you think is unique about being ___________ (fill in Nationality)
  41. If you are a father, what is great and what is hard about that?
  42. If you are a father, what do you admire about your children?
  43. If you are a father, what have your children taught or contributed to you?
  44. In being a father, what have you learned?
  45. How has being a father changed you?
  46. If you have a daughter, what effect does she have on you?
  47. If you have a son, what do think is important to contribute to him?
  48. What do you want for your children’s lives?
  49. What do you admire about your father?
  50. What did you learn from your father?
  51. What did you learn from your parents?
  52. What effect do your parents have in your life today?
  53. What qualities did your parents inspire in you?
  54. If you are a brother, what does that mean to you?
  55. What do you like about your job or career?
  56. If you have changed your career, what was that like for you?
  57. Ideally, how would you like to spend the hour after work each day?
  58. What do you need when you first get home from work?
  59. What is the process you use in making a decision?
  60. What was one of the best days you ever had?
  61. What do you enjoy spending money on?
  62. What do you daydream about?
  63. What are your favorite books? What did you like about them?
  64. If you watch T.V., what kinds of programs do you like?
  65. What types of movies do you like?
  66. What are your favorite movies?
  67. If you liked “The Shawshank Redemption,” what about that movie makes it special?
  68. If you like video games, what are your favorites and why?
  69. Do you like tools?
  70. Who is your favorite Superhero and why?
  71. What does your car mean to you?
  72. What is your “dream car?”
  73. If you like trucks, how are they different from cars?
  74. What is your favorite holiday? What is special about it?
  75. What is your worst holiday? Why?
  76. What is love to you?
  77. What does being loved provide for you?
  78. What qualities do you think are distinctly female?
  79. What do you love about women?
  80. Do female friends provide something different than male friends?
  81. How does a woman’s smile affect you?
  82. How are you affected by a woman being happy?
  83. How are you affected by a woman being upset?
  84. What do you think about strong, successful women?
  85. What is different about older women?
  86. What would you change about how women communicate with you?
  87. What makes a woman approachable?
  88. What do you appreciate or admire in mothers?
  89. What makes a woman great to work with?
  90. If you are single (or when you were), what do you think about women asking you out?
  91. Do you like to be called by a woman you are seeing?
  92. If you could have one power (or super-power) that would make your relationships with women better, what would you choose and why?
  93. What kind of gifts do you enjoy giving?
  94. What do you think is romantic?
  95. What is the most romantic thing a woman has ever done for you?
  96. What is the most extraordinary thing a woman has ever done for you?
  97. What is it like for you to shop with a woman? for her? for you?
  98. Do you like shopping for a woman?
  99. What makes a woman sexy?
  100. What are your favorite female body parts? what is it about them?
  101. What is your favorite normal, everyday bed-time attire for a woman?
Some of the simplest, even seemingly silly questions, have led to the most profound and touching answers. The biggest joy has been watching men’s faces as they are truly listened to and appreciated for their willingness to share. Have fun and good luck. Don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t go well at first. Almost everything we do naturally in listening to women will stop men from communicating. Keep practicing and the rewards will come.

If you need help determining whether the guy you're dating is the kind who can appreciate this kind of woman, you need this teaching...

Order your copy today here: http://store.payloadz.com/details/1874100-audio-books-relationships-10-things-to-consider-about-a-man.html

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.

All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
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For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html


As long as we're talking...how can a single, marriage-minded woman "un-single" herself?

Not every single woman is looking for a mate.  Many are.  Several of them struggle with dating and ask me how they can "find a good man" or something along those lines worded slightly differently.  A woman well-versed in Christianese will instead ask "how can I be found" but the concept is the same.  How can she Un-Single herself?

The fact is that almost every single, marriage-minded man who wants to get married, will get married. On the other hand, if she's not married by 30, most women in this category WON'T get married.  So, here's my question...what qualities separate the women who are in successful, happy, relationships from those who aren't?

Before you send me "hate male" (intentional wording!), please recognize that I AM ASKING A QUESTION here!  If you are single and female, I am not equating being single with being diseased!  I am not blaming you...as if it's some sort of shameful tragedy.  I AM ASKING A QUESTION.

I get asked this a lot.  Daily.  So, I am asking you, the reader, but you are, undoubtedly, smarter than I am on this topic.  Allow me to paint a scenario and pose the question slightly differently.

Joseph decides he is ready to consider marrying. He meets Tanya, Sally, Sue, Brenda, Thelma, Megan, Madison and Bridgett...all of whom are interested in him.  He is attracted to and interested in all of them.  

After going out with each of them a couple of times, Joseph decides to pursue an exclusive relationship with Tanya.  What makes Tanya stand out as a serious candidate?  Are there tangible differences in looks, behavior, attitude, spirituality, etc. that will determine which one Joseph is more likely to pursue?

Before you laugh at the word picture, please understand that I'm not that far off-base statistically.  If I am a black single Christian man in the United States, I might be in this exact position.  I'm not negating the woman's power to choose.  Far from it.  In my view, she has the ultimate power to choose.  I'm asking. 

Some get really uncomfortable with the suggestion that there is some personally responsibility involved. However, it is Biblical to consider that there are some learned skills involved. Making it "random" or attempting to rationalize it as"belonging to God" allows a person to avoid looking in the mirror.  If you say it's all on God or chance, I would disagree, but what do YOU say?

As long as we're talking...let me help you with your "List"

I suppose everyone has a "list" of what they're looking for in a potential partner.  Maybe I should say "had" a list?  I did.  I had to throw mine away and go to God in prayer and the Word in study to start rebuilding it.  I'm going to help you rebuild your list, too!

Here are the kinds of things the were on the Old Mark's list:
  • Breast size (bigger equal-ED better <--- past tense i.e. grapefruits are better than grapes)
  • Hip size (must pass the pinky test i.e., fit between my pinkies if I touch my thumbs together and stretch my hands out)
  • Weight (must be able to carry her without getting tired...you know, in case something goes down.)
  • Height (from 5'5" to 5'9")
  • Age (from as young as half my age + seven years, or 25, to up to five years younger than me, or 34)
  • # of Kids & Baby-Daddies (one...two acceptable if same baby daddy)
  • Denominational preference (No COGIC or Church of Christ, Non-Doms looked at with skepticism) 
  • Republican vs. Democrat (Obama voter = NO DICE!)
That was my OLD foolishness.  I exaggerate a little for effect.  I'm not exaggerating that much.

I'm being reformed.  I've been spending more time in study.  Let me help you fix your list!  How you craft your list is 100% up to you but let me tell you what items should be at the top:

The Man's List
1. Can I be naked and unashamed (transparent) in front of her or do I feel like I'm hiding, performing or acting like someone other than myself?
2. Can she HELP me in my Godly mission and purpose?
3. Is she suitable/equal to me?
4. Whatever...

The Woman's List
1. Can I be naked and unashamed in front of him or do I feel like I'm hiding something, performing or afraid to be the real me?
2. Can I HELP him in his Godly mission and purpose? Was I made for him?
3. Whatever...

(I'm not adding the "suitability" measure to the woman's list at this time.  As I'm writing this, I believe that has to be defined by God for the man.)

Of course you're going to be attracted to whom you're going to be attracted, but a lot of that superficial stuff should fall lower and lower on your list as you mature.  

Here are some GOOD things for your list after the first few items:

  1. Does she "fit" within my family?
  2. Can I cover her and add to her life?
  3. Do those closest to me, who love me and whom I trust, honor my decision in him/her? Or do they all think I'm crazy?
  4. Do I respect him?
  5. Does he have a plan for his life?
  6. Is she respectful and supportive?
  7. Does she create a peaceful environment around herself?
  8. Does he pray?
Let's start looking at each other more deeply.  Let's try to see one another through God's eyes and we'll make better choices.  I know some of you won't hear me.  You're still going to insist that he must drive a Cadillac!

‎"...And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." ~Genesis 2:25
"Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." ~Genesis 2:18


I've Got Bieber-Fever!

Hello. My name is Mark Anthony McCray. I am 39 years old. I was raised on Run DMC, Public Enemy, Eric B and Rakim and A Tribe Called Quest. You're more likely to catch me listening to Lupe Fiasco, Mos Def or The Roots than anybody else. My name is Mark Anthony McCray and now....I'm a Belie-BER!

When it's Daddy-Daughter Weekend, we usually don't watch a lot of movies. I am a geek and my daughters are normally subject to my geekiness so I prefer time with them in the park, taking in local festivals or we might go to the library or Half-Price Books. We rarely veg out and watch movies, but we took in two this weekend: "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas" (maybe I'll blog about that another day) and "Never Say Never" aka the "life" story of Justin Bieber.

I have three daughters. They are 13, 11 and 10. I was outnumbered and overwhelmed by an irresistible force, so don't roll your eyes at ME!

Anyway, there are three main lessons of which I was reminded while taking in this young phenom's "life" story. (I'll keep putting "life" in quotation marks until he does a biography after he's turned at least 30.) Suffice to say, I was very impressed:

1. We become who we say we are. Justin (we're on a first name basis like that), said to himself and anyone who would listen that he was going sell out Madison Square Garden one day. I recognize that affirmation won't make things happen magically (or will it?), but I also recognize that the power of life and death is in the tongue. Our lives become the substance of what we speak.

2. Hard work is still the most misunderstood factor in success. The kid is SUPER-talented. Always was apparently. Singing, dancing, multiple instruments...all self-taught. There's no question he was special from the beginning. However, without hard work, it would have come to NOTHING. Likewise, there are areas in which you are special and almost beyond compare. How hard are you working in your areas of giftedness?

3. You can't stop a person who won't quit. There's always a way. Even though he was from a small town and a single-parent household, he "Never said never" and proceeded to perform at malls, on street corners and his big break came from uploading YouTube videos. No major label wanted to hear from him. There was no category for him in their minds. But he found an audience. He made an audience. It's hard to stop a person who won't be denied.

4. Girls will be girls. I enjoyed watching them laugh, swoon and sing along more than I have anything in a long time. And there's nothing wrong with that! I don't think he has a single lyric more controversial than "Baby, baby, oooooooooooo, girl!" so I'm good with him for now.

Whether you're a fan or not (I still can't say I know a single word of a single song), you have to learn to recognize and appreciate excellence - and learn from a good role model when he's staring you in the face...even if that role model is still too young to drive.


“If indeed you have heard Him…”: 10 Keys to Healthy Relations on Our Ships

20 But you did not learn Christ in this way,
21 if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus,
22 that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit,
23 and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind,
24 and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.
25 Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.
26 Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
27 and do not give the devil an opportunity.
28 He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need.
29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.
30 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
32 Be kind to one another, tender‐hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

This is a brief version of a recent Bible Study I conducted at HOPE Church - Pearland recently.  As a part of the Relational Wellness portion of our "Journey to Wellness", we looked at what I like to think of as a Christian Code of Conduct wherein Paul outlines several expectations regarding how we must manage our relationships with one another.  

There's an important thought here.  We often take verses out of context and fail to read passages "in order" the way the Holy Spirit inspired the writer to put them down on paper.  Before we get into talking about husbands and wifes, children and parenting or household order, Paul reminds us of two things:

  1. We are all Believers called to a higher standard of understanding and living in Christ.  Before that woman is my wife, she is my sister in Him.  Before that man is her husband, he is her brother in the Lord.  Therefore, before we talk about managing a household together, we need to have a great grasp on the Lord's expectations of our behavior towards each other as His children.
  2. These are not suggestions or merely good ideas.  The preface "If indeed you have heard Him..." tells us these rules belong to us, those who call Christ our Lord.  If we've heard Him, if we know Him, if we're going to walk in Truth, here's how we are to walk.  There's no escape clause that allows us to "snap" just because we're tired and our husbands are "on our last nerve" or put her in "her place" verbally when we've had a long day!

I picked up and began to read through the fourth chapter of Ephesians because of the old 20/20 rule that I learned from a friend and teacher.  It states this: when you want to make sure you're understanding a passage in its proper context, take a moment to read twenty verses before and twenty verses after.  Good advice!  Therefore, when reading about the Christian Curse Word, "Submission", I decided to go back a little further to see what else Paul was teaching us about relationships in his letter to the saints in Ephesus, a group of Believers whom he had visited twice before his first imprisonment and who were dear to his heart.

What keys do we see for healthy Christian relationships in Ephesians 4?  How does each verse examined provide us some guidance?  Here are 10 that I found hiding in plain sight:

1. If indeed you have heard Him...lay aside the old self. (v. 22)

There's no room for "that's the way I've always been...take it or leave it!" in healthy relationships.  It's time to put away all those bad things we were in the past...

2. If indeed you have heard Him...be renewed in the spirit of your mind. (v. 23)

...and as we're letting go of the past, we need new instructions.  We learned in Romans that we can be transformed in our minds by refusing to be conformed to the way the "world" does things and instead dedicating ourselves to studying the word of God...

3. If indeed you have heard Him...put on the new self. (v. 24)

...and as we do so, we're challenging put on the new self, to be different.  This imagery used is similar to that of a caterpillar going through metamorphosis.  We're putting down the old and picking up the new.  We're to wear clothing worthy of our new stations in life.

4. If indeed you have heard Him...lay aside falsehood. (v. 25)

Here's the rule about secrets in marriage: don't have any.  Here's the rule about lying: never, ever do it.  Lying breeds mistrust.  Mistrust destroys intimacy.  Lack of intimacy creates distance.  When we grow distant, the relationship can't survive.

5. If indeed you have heard Him...be angry, and yet do not sin. (v. 26)

Paul didn't say don't get angry.  Anger can be productive.  Sometimes, it's even necessary.  Holding it for too long only gives our enemy an opportunity to do his best work.  Let it go and don't give him any more victories over you!

stop stealing, be productive and share. (v. 28)

We have an obligation to stop taking what isn't ours and be productive enough to give some of what is ours away.  Amazing!  

7. If indeed you have heard Him...speak words that edify and heal. (v. 29)

Our tongues have power.  We set the course of our lives by our words.  I am learning this.  Even better, I am learning to say words that are fruitful!  So many people testify of how they have been hurt, harmed and destroyed by hateful words spoken over them in childhood, marriage, church.  It works the other way, too.  We can and must do better.

8. If indeed you have heard Him...do not grieve the Holy Spirit. (v. 30)

How often has the Holy Spirit told us to do something different - maybe the exact opposite - of the action we decided to take?  Listen to His guidance.  He knows what's needed and when.  

9. If indeed you have heard Him...bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander and malice are no longer allowed! (v. 31)

There's no room to fully address this verse.  If you'll picture in your mind a person who always holds grudges, plots ways to retaliate for harms, stews and steams and generally can't even stay quiet about it.  Maybe this picture fits?

...but I'm thinking this one might be better?  Is this the way you act?  When you get mad do people need to stay out of your way?  Shame!  We can do better, saints!

10. If indeed you have heard Him...be kind, tender and forgiving. (v. 32)

This verse speaks for itself.  It's a mirror.  I challenge us to look into it often and measure ourselves accordingly.  Love is kind.  

How can we summarize this lesson? What else do we see in the word of God that can help us have healthy relationships?  Here are some concluding thoughts…

These verses precede Chapter 5 where Paul discusses marriage, roles and order in the family…almost as if he’s establishing a code of conduct for all kingdom citizens first. (See Ephesians 4:1-3)  I like to think about it that way.  It takes some pressure off the conversation about submission, love and mutual respect when you realize those only apply to people who are in Christ and in marriage.  Paul is writing to Christians.  He instructs wives to be subject to their own husbands...not a random "Joe" who happens to have male genitals.

“But you did not learn Christ in this way…”  What way?  Our relationships are not to be marked by “practices of impurity WITH greediness.” (Ephesians 4: 17-19)  Wow.  Impurity WITH greediness?  Sounds like a horrible combination.  In any regard, those behaviors belong to people outside of the fellowship.  The opposite expressions (purity and generosity?) ought to be our marks.  That is to say things by which we are known.

“If indeed you have heard Him…”  Are you a Believer? A Disciple? Have you heard the Truth?  Then you are called to a higher standard than the “lusts of deceit.” (Ephesians 4:22)  Lust means a "strong desire to have" and is contrasted with love which is a strong desire to give.  Deceiving people to get what we want out of them is a nasty, ugly trait and has no part in the life of the saint.

Anger destroys.  Don’t let it reign in your life! (Ephesians 4:26-27)  Unresolved anger has destroyed lives, families and even civilizations.  I am told by mental health professionals that failing to let go of anger is a common denominator among those who develop mental illness - illnesses so far gone that they have to be institutionalized.  Some people don't take it literally to not allow the sun to go down on your wrath, but I do.  I don't want to carry those destructive emotions a moment longer than I need to.

Also note, there's no restriction against getting angry.  Anger can be a healthy emotion if channeled properly.  I would even argue that nothing productive ever comes to pass in our lives until we get angry about something.  Be angry.  Do not sin.  Easy to say.  Hard to do.  It's not impossible to do, however.  The Lord doesn't give us directions that are impossible to follow.  That would be cruel...and He's not a cruel God.

“The tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12:18, Proverbs 15:4, Ephesians 4: 29-30)  If there is nothing else to be gained from this study, I hope people will walk away with an understanding that we don't have to remain broken and hurt forever.  We can heal and be healed by changing what we say to ourselves about ourselves and changing how we speak to our brothers and sisters.

Be blessed!