4 Reasons You Should Be Sick of Relationship Gurus

I'm about finished with relationship advice. I'm done reading it.  I'm (almost) done giving it.  (Also, I am cranky today, so this will read like it.  Maybe I'll come back and edit one day soon?  Maybe not.)  If you can point me towards someone who is actually helping the cause towards people finding and maintain healthy and whole relationships, I will kindly change my tune.  However, most of what I see breaks down into two categories: "Single Folks Gonna Single" and "Wait. You're Married But Don't Want Me To Be?"

Group One consists primarily of single men and women who constantly commiserate (that means the gripe to one another) and share tips that will - inevitably - keep them all single and in the same situation.  Group Two consists of the married "guru" who doesn't seem to have anything to say that can help other people down that path.  They post from their blogs with their pics of their lovely spouse and children but communicate that it probably isn't possible for you to have that life yourself.  Hmmmm...

Anyway... I'm about sick of all of them.  I'm about sick of myself on this topic, too, which is why I rarely talk on it anymore even though I'm asked to interview about once a week.  Instead of my continuing to rant, let me share the main reasons I think you (as a person hopeful of having a happy and healthy relationship with a special person one day) should start tuning EVERYBODY out...

1. The Prevalence of the "Real Men/Women" Tagline.  Anything that uses "real men" and "real women" a lot is a turn-off to me already. It is judgmental.  People are not monolithic automatons behaving all in the same fashion.  There are few things that describe a "real" man or "real" woman in any tangible way beyond their genitals.  We are all always (hopefully) maturing and are somewhere along the road called sanctification.  As best I can tell, the only thing common to real men is not caring a whole lot about what others think a "real man" ought to be doing.

2. Most advice is dripping with low-expectations.  Most of what is out there would more encourage me to walk away from dealing with women (or men if I was a woman) altogether.  Nearly everything people do is viewed with skepticism.  My Lord! Is there anything good to say about people?  Is there anything but criticism and complaining?  I believe there are a lot of good, hard-working, courageous and well-intentioned men out there along with some charming, kind, gracious and spiritual women.  I must be the only one who thinks so.

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3. They only know one line.  I am tired of reading material that has its primary advice "Run!" when dealing with something you don't like. Even more so when they can't (or barely) tell anybody what to seek. It's just run from this... run from that... run, run, ruunnnnnn! etc.  I promise you.  This is firmly lodged in the "Single Folks Gonna Single" mentality.  So many darn red flags.  No green lights?  At all?  I believe we'd be much better off learning to focus on the good qualities of people.

4. It is self-centered and prideful. How about this? How can YOU see through some surface things and help that person mature? Maybe you can and should have some grace towards them?  Most advice continues the presumption that "your" guy or gal must come as a prepared, finished product or they are worthless to you. It ignores the reader's own shortcomings - which are many... being that the reader is a human, too.

5. Bonus.  Instead of wondering whether that person of interest is ready for YOU how about investigating whether you are ready for them?  Ask yourself these non-self-centered (gasp!) questions...

• Am I ready to place their needs above my own?
• Do I make them a better person?
• Am I willing to support their vision for their life?
• Do I have a vision for my own life?
• Do I add value to their life?

If you can say "Yes!" to these questions then maybe, maybe you're truly ready for a relationship.  Otherwise the other person may not be getting that great of a deal themselves.  Think about it.  At the end of the day, it is about sacrificing yourself for that other person's better good. If you can't (or won't) do that, you should be letting them go.  God loves them, too, right?

Either way, it seems to me that the best thing to do is to open your Bible to The Proverbs and start to study.  Also, find a few wise counselors with whom you can talk regularly in real life who have lives you want to emulate and disconnect from almost everything else... even me if you need to.  I won't be upset.  I'll celebrate when I see you out with that special person!



Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY.  Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
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For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://www.gigsalad.com/mark_anthony_mccray_houston

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Feel+Felt+Found (How to Get People to Hear What You're Saying)

Do you feel like you struggle to be heard when you most need to be?  Here's a simple way to offer advice that people NEED and have them actually LISTEN to you. You've heard it said that people don't care what you know until they know that you care. That's true! Now, here's the way to show them that you care quickly and in in a few short statements:

FEEL - "I understand what you're feeling." - Use this statement (or one like it) to make it clear that you are listening and relating to what is on their heart and mind.  This is to people that you aren't being condescending.

FELT - "I have felt the same way." - Show them that you've been there before...either in the same situation or in a similar one.  Now they feel like you can relate to them.  Don't lie.  Just be transparent and authentic.

FOUND - "Here's what I've found..." - Detail what you learned and how you rose out of that place in life. These become the action items you want them to take.

Don't quote these directly! That said, if you use this pattern, people will receive what they need to hear from you much better. They will feel that you care...and then care about what you know!  Once you're done sharing, honor their ability to process your words and leave them alone.  Watch if Feel + Felt + Found doesn't make you a better communicator!

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. If you like it and want more, check out The Expert Excellence Webinar (c) - Position Yourself, Promote and Profit as an Expert!   YOU NEED this training.  Your career needs it!  Get it today.  Remember, you're going to have to learn something different to get something different.

To your success!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY.  Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!



He can be reached in the following ways:

Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

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You're talking already. Why not get paid?

You promised me you wouldn't enter 2014 with your business and career on autopilot, remember?  It's time to do something you've never done to get to some places you've never been.

I got over 50 speaking professionals to give me their BEST SECRETS for getting paid speaking engagements and I'm going to give some of them to you for in this exciting and informative coaching call.

Do you want to become a paid speaker and teach lessons from the things you've learned throughout your life? Of course you do! Speaking gives you the opportunity to help and at the same time, earn yourself additional income and, believe it or not, people will pay you to teach them the life lessons you've learned.

Public speaking is a business and it can become a BIG business for you.  Unfortunately, unless someone shares some guidance with you, you will basically need to start from scratch. Nobody knows who you are or what you can do. It can be very demoralizing not knowing what steps to take or how to get engagements.  You can get there, but it will cost you a lot of hard work, mistakes and money.  What I've done is put together information that would take you months (or years) to learn on your own.

Some of what I covered in this training call...

* The very first thing every successful speaker must do...

* How to get paid while you learn the speaking business (this is the best on-the-job-training you'll ever hear about).

* Where you can find the opportunities that NOBODY else knows about.

* More, more and more...

Purchase your download of this broadcast for just $7 HERE!

If you like it and want more, check out The Expert Excellence Webinar (c) - Position Yourself, Promote and Profit as an Expert!   YOU NEED this training.  Your career needs it!  Get it today.  Remember, you're going to have to learn something different to get something different.

To your success!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY.  Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!



He can be reached in the following ways:

Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

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The Nine Most Powerful Words You Can Say

"Where do you feel like you are right now?"

When you are working with a new prospect or just following up on a lead, once you have let them talk and tell you all about the deal or their situation, ask them this question.

It might seem redundant - like they just finished telling you the answer to this question - but I assure you you'll get more from asking this question than just more details about the loan request. When you ask someone where they feel they are, they will start to share more of their hurts, pains and frustrations -- leading you that much closer to getting their business.

"Where do you feel like you are right now?"

When you ask it directly (and sympathetically), the responses you get will lay out the path towards winning your prospect's trust and transform them into a client. By asking them their perspective, you've changed from a salesperson to a business partner, moving from across the table, figuratively speaking, to a seat next to them.

Bonus: When people say that they are frustrated with what they have been hearing from other service providers or don't like how they've been treated, the best question is the most direct. Your reply should be along the lines of this: "What exactly have the other lenders said that you haven't liked?" or "What is the other web designer telling you that doesn't make you comfortable?"

Does it sound like you're trying to angle to get their business? Of course it does! YOU ARE!

...and they will appreciate the direct approach more than you might think.

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