The Incredible Praise-to-Criticism Ratio

One quality I have always observed in people is how they use their tongues. Do you promote healing? Does you build up? Or do you criticize, condemn and destroy? (Yes. Sarcasm fits into the destructive category, I'm afraid.)

"There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, But the tongue of the wise brings healing." - Proverbs 12:18

It is said that it takes several compliments to undo the damage of one criticism. Harvard says effective teams have a ratio that works: 5.6 compliments for every criticism. They call it the "Praise-to-Criticism" Ratio.

Long before I knew what to call it, I knew Solomon's words. I also wonder whether this applies to successful marriages and child rearing. I suspect you know which way I'm leaning on that. So I watch people. I watch them in real life. I watch them online. I read their tweets. I look at how they talk to their children. I can't tell you how important this measure of a man or woman is to me. If you can't build people up, you can't be in my life. If you can't minister hope and grace, I can't be in a relationship with you and I must not compromise on this.

Candidly, these days I openly wonder whether some of us would have anything to say if we weren't ridiculing somebody.  Sigh. We've got to do better, saints. We've got to do better.  If YOU need this kind of help, consider joining one of my coaching programs. 



Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.comPhone: 281-846-5720 Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/ Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

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The Nine Most Powerful Words You Can Say

"Where do you feel like you are right now?"

When you are working with a new prospect or just following up on a lead, once you have let them talk and tell you all about the deal or their situation, ask them this question.

It might seem redundant - like they just finished telling you the answer to this question - but I assure you you'll get more from asking this question than just more details about the loan request. When you ask someone where they feel they are, they will start to share more of their hurts, pains and frustrations -- leading you that much closer to getting their business.

"Where do you feel like you are right now?"

When you ask it directly (and sympathetically), the responses you get will lay out the path towards winning your prospect's trust and transform them into a client. By asking them their perspective, you've changed from a salesperson to a business partner, moving from across the table, figuratively speaking, to a seat next to them.

Bonus: When people say that they are frustrated with what they have been hearing from other service providers or don't like how they've been treated, the best question is the most direct. Your reply should be along the lines of this: "What exactly have the other lenders said that you haven't liked?" or "What is the other web designer telling you that doesn't make you comfortable?"

Does it sound like you're trying to angle to get their business? Of course it does! YOU ARE!

...and they will appreciate the direct approach more than you might think.

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