Meeting Your Wife’s Seven Basic Needs

by Advanced Training Institute International

(You can read about meeting your husband's needs here!) 

As a husband, it is your responsibility to nurture and cherish your wife, to instruct your wife, and to meet her needs. You are to love your wife as you love yourself. (See Ephesians 5:22-29, 33.) As you gain insight about your wife’s needs, it is imperative that you take steps to fully meet those needs. As you love your wife as Christ loves the Church, she will be motivated to reverence you. (See Ephesians 5:33.)

Following is a description of seven basic needs of a wife, accompanied by projects that can serve as tools to equip you to be a Godly husband, one who loves his wife as Christ loves the Church. “He that loveth his wife loveth himself”(Ephesians 5:28).

1. A wife needs a husband who demonstrates spiritual leadership.

A husband can lead his wife in her spiritual journey by consistently pursuing a deeper relationship with Christ, honoring Scriptural convictions, making wise decisions, and demonstrating genuine love. As your wife sees you establish Godly standards in your life, she will be motivated to set similar standards in her life and to submit to your leadership.

Maintain Biblical Disciplines

How are you striving to grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord? (See II Peter 3:18.) Review the following list. Which of these activities could be observed in your life? Which of these activities should be observed in your life?

1. Regular reading and study of God’s Word
2. Consistent memorization of Scripture
3. Daily meditation on Scripture
4. Faithfulness in prayer
5. Regular church attendance
6. Fellowship with committed Christians
7. Conversation about spiritual matters

Ask the Lord to show you how to increase in Godliness. As you establish personal goals for spiritual maturity, ask a brother in the Lord to hold you accountable for reaching those goals.

Live by Scriptural Convictions

What evidences of Scriptural convictions do you have or purpose to have? Set aside a period of time in which you can document your convictions and the basis for each one. Here are some examples:

• Demonstrating love for God by loving your wife, children, and others. (See I John 4:20.)
• Purposing to make your home a center of Godly learning and living. (See Psalm 101.)
• Avoiding actions or activities that might cause your wife, children, or others to stumble. (See Romans 14.)

It is not enough to simply identify Scriptural convictions; you must be determined to make decisions that are guided by those convictions and standards. Be an example of obedience and faithfulness to your wife as you uphold Godly convictions in your family.

Do these obstacles hinder your consistent obedience to Godly standards?

• Wrong priorities
• Pride
• Guilt from past failures
• Lack of wisdom
• Losing your temper
• Bondage to enslaving habits
• Influence by, and attention to, television
• Companionship with wrong friends

Determine steps to overcome obstacles and walk in the victory that has been purchased for you by the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Demonstrate Genuine Love

Your wife needs to see a demonstration of genuine love in everything you say and do. Let the prayer of the Apostle Paul to the church in Philippi be your guide: “I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment; that ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ; being filled with the fruits of righteousness, which are by Jesus Christ, unto the glory and praise of God” (Philippians 1:9-11).

List the ways that you demonstrate love to your wife. Then ask her to explain which ones do or do not express love to her, and why.

2. A wife needs to know she is meeting her husband’s vital needs.

A wife finds security and purpose in knowing that she is meeting needs in her husband’s life that no other woman can meet. She needs to know that she is precious in his eyes. (See Genesis 2:18, 21-23.)

The scourge of a woman is jealousy—the fear of being displaced. Your wife needs to be confident not only that you love her but that you also desire her companionship and sincerely need her assistance.

Share Your Needs

Your wife needs to know that as your helpmeet, she “completes” you. (See Genesis 1:21-24.) To give your wife the satisfaction of meeting your needs, explain your needs with openness and clarity and share what she can do to meet those needs and accomplish your top priorities for the family.

It is human nature for a husband to not want to share his needs with his wife, because he doesn’t want to risk losing her admiration. However, you will win your wife’s love more effectively if you honestly share both your failures and your successes.

Thoughtfully Praise Your Wife

Is your wife now meeting needs in your life that no other woman can meet? Compile a list, share your insights with your wife, and express gratefulness to her for meeting those exclusive needs. Here are a few examples to consider as you compile your own unique list:

• She can give you the joy of a physical relationship without guilt. (See Proverbs 5:19-20.)
• She is a safeguard to your hasty decisions because of her need for security and consistency.
• She discerns the real needs of the children.

3. A wife needs a husband who cherishes her.

Cherish means “to protect and love (a person)” and “to care for tenderly; nurture.” A wife needs reassurance that her husband cherishes her, valuing her above all other people, possessions, or activities. Your wife needs to know that your delight in her goes beyond the things she can do for you. If she does not feel cherished, she becomes insecure.

List the character qualities and personality traits that first attracted you to your wife. You may want to write this list in your prayer journal, as a reminder to intercede for your wife in regard to her weaknesses and as a reminder of reasons you “rejoice with the wife of thy youth” (Proverbs 5:18).

Deepen Your Wife’s Security Through Acceptance

A wife needs to know that her husband accepts her “unchangeables,” especially the ones she herself has difficulty accepting. You have a unique opportunity to love your wife by helping her learn the Scriptural basis of self-acceptance.

List any unchangeable physical features, family circumstances, and past experiences that your wife finds difficult to accept, such as a physical handicap, poverty, or divorced parents. Ask the Lord to show you how each of these unchangeables has produced or strengthened in your wife character qualities or attitudes that you admire. Share these insights with your wife and help her understand ways that God has benefited her life through those situations that were, or are, beyond her control.

4. A wife needs a husband who protects her.

A wife wants her husband to be alert to her spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical strengths and weaknesses and to lovingly provide wise direction and security.

Scripture instructs husbands to dwell with their wives “according to knowledge,” giving honor unto them “as unto the weaker vessel.” (See I Peter 3:7.) A wife needs to be well understood, so that her husband can discern when to be firm and when to be lenient.

Establish Appropriate Boundaries

Your wife especially needs your protection in the form of establishing boundaries so that she will fulfill her responsibilities within appropriate limitations. Work with your wife to discern her top priorities and ensure that she has the time and resources needed to fulfill her responsibilities.

Does your wife need your protection through the loving provision of boundaries in any of the following areas?

• Lack of sleep
• Unfinished projects
• Inappropriate clothing
• Poor eating habits
• Neglecting personal appearance
• Tardiness
• Destructive self-criticism
• Volunteering

5. A wife needs to have intimate communication with her husband.

A wife yearns for intimate communication with her husband. Intimate conversation is a key factor in maintaining oneness of spirit in your marriage. Your wife needs to know that she can safely share her deepest emotions with you.

You would be wise to establish a regular time to invest in your wife by giving her your undivided attention. Your investment will earn an amazing return!

Set Aside Time for Talking Together

Have you and your wife established a regular time to have uninterrupted, intimate conversation? If not, make it a priority to discuss that goal with your wife within the week. (Your enthusiasm about the idea will bless your wife, but you may have to persuade her to make the commitment to give you her undivided attention, especially if she tends to be a diligent wife and mother.) Persevere. It’s worth it.

Consider places your wife would enjoy going in order to have special time with you:

• Breakfast at ________________.
• Lunch at ___________________.
• At home during ______________.

Acknowledge distractions that frequently hinder intimate conversation when you and your wife are together:

• Having your mind on other things
• Phone calls
• Talking to friends you meet
• Loud music or other irritating noises
• Interruptions by the children

Ask the Lord to make you alert and sensitive to distractions, and purpose to avoid them or eliminate them, whichever would be most appropriate.

Address Fears and Concerns

Most wives have deep fears and emotions that they have never shared with their husbands. It is your responsibility tolovingly and patiently help your wife identify and verbalize her fears and gain wisdom from God to resolve them.

During your times of intimate conversation, consider choosing one of the areas listed below and asking her how she feels about it. After listening attentively to her initial response, ask, “In addition to that, do you have any other feelings about it?”

• Insecurity if her husband dies
• Growing old
• Becoming unattractive to her husband
• Poor health
• Failure as a wife and mother
• Being displaced by another woman
• Husband losing his job
• Future of the children

As your wife confides in you, admitting her fears, ask the Lord to give you wisdom to help her resolve each one, through Christ.

6. A wife needs a husband who honors her.

A wife needs to know that her husband honors her. You can honor your wife in many ways, such as being attentive during conversation, using good manners, and praising her.

Practice Good Manners

Review the following list of good manners. If you are not practicing some of them, make a conscious effort to practice the habits that would particularly bless your wife.

• Making her aware of your schedule and priorities
• Being punctual
• Refraining from using crude language
• Personal cleanliness, neatness, and grooming
• Lifting heavy objects for her
• Seating her at the table
• Putting your dirty laundry in its proper place
• Helping her on and off with her coat

Be Attentive

Make a commitment to be attentive to your wife. For example, when she asks you a question, stop what you are doing, look at her, answer her question (even the little ones), and communicate your love for her through your tone of voice as well as your facial expression.

7. A wife needs a husband who invests in her life.

A wife needs her husband’s support and encouragement to learn new skills and broaden her field of interests. Your wife needs to know that you do not take her for granted and that you are eager to invest in her life spiritually, emotionally, physically, and financially.

Offer Support and Encouragement

Your wife needs your active leadership in your relationship. Consider the suggestions below, and invest in your wife’s life as the Holy Spirit shows you specific ways that you can support and encourage her.

1. Provide opportunities for her to develop her gifts, skills, and talents. This may involve opportunities within your family, your church, or your community. Be sensitive to your wife’s desire for more training, if she would like to pursue new areas of service.
2. Together, define the responsibilities that each of you has in your family.
3. Visualize how you can add new dimensions to her responsibilities so that she can recognize the future value, and eternal value, of what she is presently doing.

Seek to Meet Your Wife’s Needs

When you entered the covenant of marriage with your wife, you made a lifelong commitment to love her, which includes meeting her needs as your wife. Such a commitment demands faithfulness, endurance, and love that is willing to make sacrifices. Rely on God’s grace and wisdom as you seek to become a Godly husband who understands his wife’s needs and successfully fulfills his responsibilities.

If you need help determining whether you are the kind of man who can appreciate this kind of woman, you need this teaching...

Order your copy today here: http://store.payloadz.com/details/1874100-audio-books-relationships-10-things-to-consider-about-a-man.html

In the mean time, as you work this out, learn to be humble and strong enough to change. As we've talked about before, there's nothing wrong with giving a little ground to get along better.  It doesn't make you any less of a person nor any weaker of a person.  God bless!


Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.comPhone: 281-846-5720 Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmptyFacebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmptyLinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/postsYouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccrayPinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/ Click HERE for information on Mark as a speaker or presenter and HERE to learn about coaching programs to help you realize your potential and live more prosperously!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.comPhone: 281-846-5720 Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmptyFacebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmptyLinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/postsYouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccrayPinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/ Click HERE for information on Mark as a speaker or presenter and HERE to learn about coaching programs to help you realize your potential and live more prosperously!

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Meeting Your Husband’s Seven Basic Needs

or "How to Be a Godly Wife" by Advanced Training Institute International

(You can read about meeting your wife's needs here!) 

As a wife, you are uniquely qualified to fully meet your husband’s needs and cause him to “rejoice in the wife of his youth” (Proverbs 5:18).

In His Word, God clearly establishes the responsibilities of a husband and a wife. (See Genesis 3:16, Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:18-19, and I Peter 3:1-7.) It is the wife’s responsibility to honor and reverence her husband.

Following is a description of seven basic needs of a husband, accompanied by ideas to help you to become a Godly wife. As you gain insights into your husband’s needs, take steps to meet those needs.

1. A man needs a wife who is loyal and supportive.

Helping her husband fulfill his goals and dreams is a wife’s main responsibility. Remember that you are to support his vision—he establishes the goals and priorities for your family. A foolish wife will crush her husband’s spirit by resisting his decisions, and God will hold her accountable for disobedience to His instructions. (See Ephesians 5:22-24.) If your husband’s goals are not in harmony with Scripture, you should make a wise appeal.

Realize that your husband’s perspective is different than yours.

A man’s goals often involve long-range achievement. Therefore, a man is willing to sacrifice short-term convenience in order to meet an important long-term goal. However, a wife’s perspective usually centers on short-term goals associated with her responsibilities in the family and home. During times of pressure, a wife should keep the “big picture” in mind. Accept difficult situations from God without giving Him a deadline to remove them.

Encourage your husband.

Encourage your husband not to give up on God-given goals. Urge him to verbalize his dreams and hopes, and give him your wholehearted support. Ask him how you can help him reach his goals. If your husband fails to set goals or give direction to you and your family, pray for him and trust God to work in his life. (See Proverbs 3:5-7.)

Be enthusiastic about your husband’s achievements. Sharing his excitement is more important than sharing his work. Your husband needs and wants your faithful, loyal, and enthusiastic support.

Believe in your husband—no matter what.

Loyalty can be demonstrated only in adversity. A husband needs to know that his wife is committed to him no matter what and that she will look first to him for counsel and direction. Use difficult times to reflect the depth of your commitment to your husband, and do not ask others for counsel without his permission.

A wife is never supposed to “take over.”

In response to pressures within the family or within a marital relationship, a foolish wife will take matters into her own hands. When you intrude into one area of responsibility, even with the “good” motive of meeting urgent needs, your husband will most likely surrender other responsibilities as well. Initially, it may appear that you succeed in fulfilling responsibilities that should be carried out by your husband. However, in the long run, the decision to usurp or ignore your husband’s responsibility to meet those needs will do much more harm than good. (See Proverbs 14:1.)

It’s God’s job to convict your husband—not yours.

Purpose not to become your husband’s conscience. Wisely appeal wrong decisions, and then give him room to fail. Be loyal, faithful, and enduring. Trust in God to work everything together for good. (See Romans 8:28.)

Seek your husband’s advice first.

A wife should demonstrate loyalty to her husband’s wishes, goals, and standards. Therefore, when a need arises, you should seek your husband’s guidance and counsel first, especially in regard to family issues, rather than seeking advice from other family members and friends.

If you have questions about spiritual matters, you should first take them to your husband. If the two of you are unable to find the answers, then request help from wiser, more mature believers, such as your pastor, parents, or other mentors. (See I Corinthians 14:35.)

Enjoy the privilege of physical intimacy.

God grants spouses full access to each other’s bodies for sexual gratification. “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other . . .” (I Corinthians 7:3-5; see also Ephesians 5:24 and Colossians 3:17-19). Resistance or indifference to your husband’s need for physical intimacy is the unspoken crushing of his spirit.

2. A man needs a wife who honors his leadership.

Scripture instructs a wife to reverence her husband. (See Ephesians 5:33.) What does that mean? To reverence a husband means “to respect, defer to, revere him; to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy him.”

Honor your husband’s God-given authority.

When a wife observes her husband’s weaknesses, it can be difficult to reverence him, but God requires every wife to reverence her husband because of his God-given position of authority as her husband. The Lord will direct your life through your husband’s leadership and protection. As you reverence your husband—voluntarily and sincerely adore and be devoted to him—God will bless you. That is the plan, and it works. Trust God. Reverence your husband. (See I Peter 3:1-6.)

Express appreciation and admiration for your husband’s Godliness.

Spiritual leadership encompasses more than praying, reading the Bible, and witnessing. It involves inward strength of character that is demonstrated by standing for what is right. Whenever a man refuses to compromise Scriptural convictions, he deserves the highest praise and admiration from his wife. Let your husband hear you praise him to others.

Express your confidence in your husband.

God works through a husband’s decisions, whether they are good decisions or bad decisions. Bad decisions reveal a man’s needs and give his wife the opportunity to appeal and to grow in Godly character such as faith, patience, and forgiveness. (See Colossians 3:12-18, I Thessalonians 5:15, and Ephesians 4:31-32.) Reassure your husband of your confidence in him and in the Lord. Pray for him; tell your husband how God is working in your life through his leadership. (See I Thessalonians 5:12-13.)

Help your husband understand your needs.

Often, a wife assumes that her husband knows what protection she needs. However, most men need direction on how to protect a wife. It is important for you to tell your husband about your hidden fears, pressures, and weaknesses and to suggest things that he can do to provide protection for you physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Ask him to pray for you and with you, especially when you are going through times of temptation, discouragement, or pressure.

Submission to your husband is a reflection of your faith in God.

The Bible speaks of holy women of old whose subjection to a husband’s leadership was a demonstration of their faith in God. (See I Peter 3:5.)

For example, Abraham failed to protect his wife Sarah (see Genesis 12:10-20 and Genesis 20), yet she still “obeyed Abraham, calling him lord” (I Peter 3:6a). Sarah trusted God to meet her needs through her authority (Abraham), and God worked supernaturally on Sarah’s behalf to protect her from harm. That verse goes on to exhort all wives to follow her example: “. . . Whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well [“be a well-doer . . . as a duty”], and are not afraid with any amazement” (I Peter 3:6b).

Don’t undermine your husband’s leadership.

Proverbs 14:1 says, “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” A foolish wife can unknowingly—or deliberately—crush her husband’s spirit by making foolish choices. For example, if you seek to be financially independent, your self-sufficiency can crush your husband’s spirit. God gave your husband the responsibility to provide for his family. A wise wife will trust God to provide for her family’s needs through her husband’s leadership.

3. A man needs a wife who develops inward and outward beauty.

Every woman wants to be the wife of her husband’s dreams. The inward qualities of a meek spirit and quiet spirit are the keys to genuine attractiveness. “Let it [your adorning] be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek [mild, humble] and quiet [undisturbed and undisturbing] spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price” (I Peter 3:4).

Learn to have a meek and quiet spirit.

A wife demonstrates a meek and quiet spirit when she yields all her personal rights and expectations to God and is sincerely thankful for things that are done for her. A wife must be confident that “all things work together for good to them that love God . . .” (Romans 8:28). As you put your trust in the Lord, you can walk in peace, without worry or fear.

To develop a meek and quiet spirit you should:

• Understand the difference between your rights (what you expect or deserve from others) and your responsibilities (what you need to do).
• Yield your rights and expectations to God.
• Fulfill your responsibilities faithfully and diligently, regardless of what others are doing or failing to do. (See Proverbs 31:10-31.)
• Grow in Godly character by properly responding to disappointments. (See Colossians 3:12-18.)
• Practice contentment and gratefulness. (See Philippians 4:11-13 and I Timothy 6:6-12.)

Be conscious of your potential influence in your family.

The home is a symbol of the husband’s wisdom, provision, and protection, but the wife’s spirit sets the mood of the home. It is essential for a wife to promote an atmosphere of peace in the home. (See Psalm 34:14, II Corinthians 13:11, and Colossians 3:15.) Work toward that goal by keeping your home free of clutter, training the children to be orderly, and requesting needed home repairs promptly.

As you carefully evaluate the needs, schedules, and resources available to your family, you will become an efficient helpmeet. By coordinating family activities and responsibilities, you will eliminate tension and help establish a calm household.

Stay beautiful for your husband.

In addition to nurturing a meek and quiet spirit inwardly, a wife should strive to maintain her outward beauty as well. A wife should dress to please her husband. She should have a joyful countenance and select clothing that draws attention to it. A wife should always be well groomed.

Practice self-control, especially in the area of diet.

God is concerned about the bondage of overeating and gluttony, and many wives struggle with the issue of self-control, especially after giving birth to children. Weight control requires consistent conformity to God’s principles of living.

Let God and your husband know you care about your weight. Ask your husband to help you identify and remove hindrances to weight control, such as unhealthy foods, poor meal schedules, medical problems, or bitterness. Work together to accomplish specific goals. Your efforts to stay healthy and physically fit will bless your husband.

4. A man needs a wife who will make appeals, not demands.

If a wife discerns that her husband is going to cause damage to the Lord’s reputation, to their family, to others, or to himself, she should appeal to him, following proper guidelines:

• Be in right standing with God and your husband. (See Matthew 7:21 and Romans 10:9-11.)
• Use the right basis for the appeal: your husband’s reputation, goals, or authority. (See Matthew 6:9-13.)
• Discern the right timing. (See Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7.)
• Thoroughly present accurate facts. (See James 4:3.)
• Have right attitudes. (See Matthew 6:15 and Psalm 51:10.)
• Choose the right wording. (See Psalm 19:14, Ephesians 4:29, and Ecclesiastes 5:2.)
• Respond with grace to your husband’s decision.

Learn more about making wise appeals >>

Your husband’s success should be the motivation for your appeal.

Concern for your husband’s reputation, goals, or authority should be the motivation for your appeal. You should explain your needs and concerns without condemning him, wait for the right timing to present the appeal, and then respond to his final decision with a meek and quiet spirit.

Serve your husband well.

If you fail to demonstrate loyalty, genuine love, and a servant’s heart, your appeal will probably not be accepted. (See I Peter 3:1-6.) However, when a wife does demonstrate those attitudes, she will have tremendous influence with her husband.

Guard your heart and your mouth.

Ask your husband to tell you when he senses that you have a resistant spirit, and then repent and ask for his forgiveness. Gain insights from the examples of Godly women in Scripture who made appeals, such as Esther. (See Esther 3-9.)

Do not discredit your husband, like Abigail discredited her husband when she appealed to King David (see I Samuel 25:25), because in the future those who react to your husband can easily distort and misuse your words to bring dishonor to him.

5. A man needs a wife who understands his need for time alone with God.

A man needs time to be alone with the Lord. If you react and feel rejected when your husband takes time to be alone with the Lord, you will frustrate him. The richer a man’s fellowship with God is, the sweeter a man’s fellowship with his wife and family will be.

Recognize the benefits of his time alone.

Every man should have a private meeting place where he can fellowship with God without interruptions or distractions. A man’s desire to be alone with God does not indicate rejection of his wife but rather provides him with an opportunity to gain a broader perspective on life and to be refreshed spiritually.

Encourage your husband to establish a quiet place where he can study, pray, read, and think. Increase your prayers for your husband when he is seeking the Lord. Encourage your husband to share with the family that which God is teaching him. Offer to share burdens that affect his spirit over long periods of time. (See Galatians 6:2.)

6. A man needs a grateful wife.

Expectations destroy gratefulness. Gratefulness is the basis of joyfulness, and a joyful wife is a crown to her husband. (See Proverbs 12:4.) An unhappy wife is a public rebuke to him. A husband feels like a prisoner of his wife’s expectations if she does not release them to the Lord. (See Psalm 62:5.)

Frequently express sincere gratitude.

A wife should continually be expressing sincere gratitude for the loving provision of her husband rather than continually reminding him of his shortcomings and failures. To develop a grateful spirit, you should expect nothing and learn to be appreciative of each little expression of your husband’s love.

Thank your husband for the things he is currently doing for you. Point out your husband’s strengths and encourage him to further develop them, for the glory of God. Praise your husband for wisely avoiding worldly traps and for making righteous decisions.

Become a virtuous woman.

Memorize the fruit of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22-23, and then visualize how the struggles and joys of your marriage can help you develop Godly qualities. Trust God to work all things together for your good, your husband’s good, and your family’s good. (See Romans 8:28.)

7. A man needs a wife who will be praised by others.

When a woman is praised for her character and for her good works, she brings honor to her husband and to the Lord.“Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates” (Proverbs 31:30-31).

Several passages of Scripture describe the traits of a Godly woman, especially Proverbs 31:10-31, Titus 2:3-5, and I Timothy 5:9-10, 14. You would be wise to carefully study these passages and make it your goal to adhere to the standards they set forth so “that the Word of God be not blasphemed [i.e., vilified, defamed]” (Titus 2:5) and you will not“give occasion to the adversary [Satan] to speak reproachfully” (I Timothy 5:14). As a Godly wife, you will be given strength and honor, and you “shall rejoice in time to come” (Proverbs 31:25).

You can become a Godly wife.

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her . . . . She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:10-12).

You can become a virtuous wife, doing your husband good and not evil all the days of his life. As you meet your husband’s needs, you will bring glory to God, and the heart of your husband will trust in you. Your husband will “rejoice in the wife of his youth!”

If you need help determining whether the guy you're dating is the kind who can appreciate this kind of woman, you need this teaching...

Order your copy today here: http://store.payloadz.com/details/1874100-audio-books-relationships-10-things-to-consider-about-a-man.html



In the mean time, as you work this out, learn to be humble and strong enough to change. As we've talked about before, there's nothing wrong with giving a little ground to get along better.  It doesn't make you any less of a person nor any weaker of a person.  God bless!


Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.comPhone: 281-846-5720 Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmptyFacebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmptyLinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/postsYouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccrayPinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/ Click HERE for information on Mark as a speaker or presenter and HERE to learn about coaching programs to help you realize your potential and live more prosperously!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.comPhone: 281-846-5720 Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmptyFacebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmptyLinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/postsYouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccrayPinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/ Click HERE for information on Mark as a speaker or presenter and HERE to learn about coaching programs to help you realize your potential and live more prosperously!

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"They Won't Think" by Thomas Alva Edison

EVERY MAN has some forte, something he can do better than he can do anything else. Many men, however, never find the job they are best suited for. And often this is because they do not think enough. Too many men drift lazily into any job, suited or unsuited for them; and when they don't get along well they blame everybody and everything but themselves. Grouches are nearly always pinheads, small men who have never made any effort to improve their mental capacity. The brain can be developed just the same as the muscles can be developed, if one will only take the pains to train the mind to think. Why do so many men never amount to anything? Because they don't think. I am going to have a sign put up all over my plant, reading "There is no expedient to which a man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking."

That is true. There is hardly a day that I do not discover how painfully true it is.

What progress individuals could make, and what progress the world would make, if thinking were given proper consideration! It seems to me that not one man in a thousand appreciates what can be accomplished by training the mind to think.

It is because they do not use their thinking powers that so many people have never developed a creditable mentality. The brain that isn't used rusts. The brain that is used responds. The brain is exactly like any other part of the body: it can be strengthened by proper exercise, by proper use. Put your arm in a sling and keep it there for a considerable length of time, and, when you take it out, you find that you can't use it. In the same way, the brain that isn't used suffers atrophy.

By developing your thinking powers you expand the capacity of your brain and attain new abilities. For example, the average person's brain does not observe a thousandth part of what the eye observes. The average brain simply fails to register the things which come before the eye. It is almost incredible how poor our powers of observation--genuine observation--are. Let me give an illustration: When we first started the incandescent lighting system we had a lamp factory at the bottom of a hill, at Menlo Park. It was a very busy time for us all. Seventy-five of us worked twenty hours every day and slept only four hours--and thrived on it.

I fed them all, and I had a man play an organ all the time we were at work. One midnight, while at lunch, a matter came up which caused me to refer to a cherry tree beside the hill leading from the main works to the lamp factory. Nobody seemed to know anything about the location of the cherry tree. This made me conduct a little investigation, and I found that although twenty-seven of these men had used this path every day for six months not one of them had ever noticed the tree.

The eye sees a great many things, but the average brain records very few of them. Indeed, nobody has the slightest conception of how little the brain 'sees' unless it has been highly trained. I remember dropping in to see a man whose duty was to watch the working of a hundred machines on a table. I asked him if everything was all right.

Yes, everything is all right, he said.

But, I had already noticed that two of the machines had stopped. I drew his attention to them, and he was mortified. He confessed that, although his sole duty was to watch and see that every machine was working, he had not noticed that these two had stopped. I could hide myself off and keep busy at thinking forever. I don't need anybody to amuse me. It is the same way with my friends John Burroughs, the naturalist, and Henry Ford, who is a natural-born mechanic. We can derive the most satisfying kind of joy from thinking and thinking and thinking.

The man who doesn't make up his mind to cultivate the habit of thinking misses the greatest pleasure in life. He not only misses the greatest pleasure, but he cannot make the most of himself. All progress, all success, springs from thinking.

Of course, even the most concentrated thinking cannot solve every new problem that the brain can conceive. It usually takes me from five to seven years to perfect a thing. Some things I have been working on for twenty-five years--and some of them are still unsolved. My average would be about seven years. The incandescent light was the hardest one of all; it took many years not only of concentrated thought but also of world-wide research. The storage battery took eight years. It took even longer to perfect the phonograph.

Which do I consider my greatest invention? Well, my reply to that would be that I like the phonograph best. Doubtless this is because I love music. And then it has brought so much joy into millions of homes all over the country, and, indeed, all over the world. Music is so helpful to the human mind that it is naturally a source of satisfaction to me that I have helped in some way to make the very finest music available to millions who could not afford to pay the price and time necessary to hear the greatest artists sing and play.

Many inventions are not suitable for the people at large because of their carelessness. Before a thing can be marketed to the masses, it must be made practically fool-proof. Its operation must be made extremely simple. That is one reason, I think, why the phonograph has been so universally adopted. Even a child can operate it.

Another reason, is that people are far more willing to pay for being amused than for anything else.

One great trouble with the world to-day is that people wander from place to place, and are never satisfied with anything. They are shiftless and thoughtless. They revolt at buckling down and doing hard work and hard thinking. They refuse to take the time and the trouble to lay solid foundations. They are too superficial, too flighty, too easily bored. They fail to adopt the right spirit toward their life work, and consequently fail to enjoy the satisfaction and the happiness which comes from doing a job, no matter what it is, absolutely in the best way within their power. Failing to find the joy which they should find in accomplishing something, they turn to every imaginable variety of amusement. Instead of learning to drink in joy through their minds, they try to find it, without effort, through their eyes and their ears--and sometimes their stomachs. It is all because they won't think, won't think!

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GET SOME BALLS!

"You've got to accentuate the positive…
Eliminate the negative…
And latch on to the affirmative…
Don't mess with Mister In‐Between!" ~ Johnny Mercer
　
Why Am I Writing About Balls?

I was attending a Men’s Retreat a while back and participated in an interesting exercise that changed my views on self-talk, the internal dialogue we all have with ourselves. I’ll describe it for you below. First, I want to tell you where I was at the time. Let me give you the punch line right up front: “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”

These are the words written by Solomon in Proverbs Chapter 23, Verse 7. They became real for me last summer as I began to fully understand that my world was a product of what I was saying about myself. Let me be blunter. I was very dissatisfied with my life.

I wasn’t being productive. I wasn’t fruitful. I wasn’t experiencing joy, expansion or any elements of what one would consider an abundant life. I was a Believer and Jesus said He had come so that men might have an abundant life. My life – whatever it was – wasn’t abundant and I knew it.

I also knew that I was responsible. There was no room in my mind for "shaking the fist at God" exasperation that we so often see in the movies or on television. The only person at whom I could shake my fist was Mark. I was mad at myself. I was disappointed. I was frustrated. I had let myself down. My own internal dialogue had betrayed me. As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. Apparently, I had not been thinking much of myself – and it showed!
　
Now – back to the Men’s’ Retreat…

Let me paint this picture for you this way…

The speaker stood in front of the room and picked up a Styrofoam ball. You know? The kind that Nerf makes. He began to describe that ball as the embodiment of every negative opinion the enemy, Satan, the Accuser of the Brothers, would say about us. He told us the ball represented the worst in us. Envision, if you will, a little Nerf ball as the literal physical manifestation of all of these negative character traits and more, and imagine the enemy or, (worse) yourself, saying these things to yourself:
• You are a liar and you lack integrity.
• You are an alcoholic and if you give it up, you’ll just become addicted to something else.
• You are addicted to pornography and you can’t stop.
• You are a horrible dad and your children will never recover from your mistakes.
• You are a bad husband. You don’t even deserve a good wife.

Do any of these sound familiar to you? Perhaps you’ve said one or more of these to yourself over the years…over the last few months. Maybe you said one of these to yourself just this morning? If not these, I understand spiritual warfare enough to know, there is something the enemy has convinced you to say to yourself that is counter to the word of God, and destructive to you living out your purpose and calling. I know it as sure as I’m sitting here because I’m not ignorant of the devil’s tactics.

(Back to the retreat so I can show you one way to fight back!)

The speaker takes this ball that represents many of the lies the devil wants us to believe about ourselves, walks down into the crowd and he tosses it to someone – some guy innocently sitting a few feet from him. The guy, being cooperative or simply stunned by having an object hurled at him, catches it.

Point made. We just didn’t realize it yet.

The point was this: so often we take the devil’s accusations and lies and we make them our own by receiving them without question. We don’t even challenge the validity or usefulness! An enemy tosses us a lie and we catch it! Damage done.

He explained this to us to our amazement and embarrassment. We were ashamed at how easily we could all be duped into accepting the worse opinions of ourselves. It was funny. Almost.
What happened truly made the point hit home for me. He takes this ball. He describes more of the lies it represents.
• You aren’t very smart. It’s only a matter of time before people figure it out.
• You don’t belong here and you’ll never fit in.
• People don’t respect you – and there’s no reason for them to respect you anyway.
• People don’t love you – and there’s no reason for them to love you anyway.
• You aren’t talented. God forgot to give you any gifts.

There’s a small twist to follow, however. He’s aware that we won’t be fooled into casually catching something so vile and destructive this time around. Instead he pleads with us. "Hey, please, I’m going to toss this ball and I need someone to catch it. Please? Just help me make my point."

Then he tosses the ball. Some dude catches it.

"Why did you catch it?" he rebukes him.

"I was just trying to be cooperative" was the response.

Point made powerfully. Sometimes we accept negative words about ourselves just because we don’t want to seem argumentative, difficult or hard to get along with. We’re just getting along to go along…or going along to get along… however I’m supposed to say that. Either way, we figure it’s easier to just allow our wife to say that we aren’t much of a man, or to call ourselves "stupid" under our voice than it is to fight back.

I can promise you this. No one of us men caught any more Styrofoam balls that day! I’m not sure I’ve caught any since then!
　
Eliminate the Negative

I thought about this experience for a couple of days. I couldn’t get away from it. It lived in my mind moment by moment and I felt like there was a powerful key I could take to another level in there somewhere. Here’s what I did.

I went down to the local toy store and bought a Nerf ball and a Sharpie. I couldn’t wait to get home so I sat there in the parking lot after leaving the store, unwrapped everything like a kid on Christmas and began to write all over my new Styrofoam basketball about the size of a grapefruit.

I wrote down all the evil, poisonous and limiting words that I had so often said to myself about myself. I’ll confess to some of the words that I wrote on my ball – you can call these the lies:
• I’m cursed.
• I’ll never get it together.
• I’m lazy.
• I’m poor.
• I’m not a good man.
• I’m a bad dad.
• And much, much more. I probably needed a bigger ball I had so much crap in my head!

I wrote these words out and looked at them there in front of my eyes. I stared at them and came to the revelation that I AM NOT THOSE THINGS. THOSE THINGS LIVE OUTSIDE OF ME. I DON’T HAVE TO CATCH THEM, RECEIVE THEM OR OTHERWISE OWN THEM! THEY ARE NOT ME!!! THEY ARE NOT ME!!!
It was so freeing that I’ll never forget it. Not ever. There’s another step the Lord gave me, however, because the job wasn’t done.
　
Accentuate the Positive and Latch on to the Affirmative

Freedom is freedom and it’s great, valid and valuable. Freedom isn’t empowerment necessarily and I still needed power.

Keep in mind; I don’t think I’ve gone home yet. I think I’m still sitting in the parking lot at Wal-Mart at this point. I started thinking about power and progress and how could I begin to move my life forward. Halting the destruction is great. I still needed to begin to build. Remember, I had done a lot of damage in my own life by way of the dialogue I had allowed between my ears. There was much work to do.

Since I’m calling this blog "Get some balls!" you can guess what happened next. I went back into the store and bought another Nerf basketball and went back to my permanent marker. I decided that changing my confessions by getting rid of the bad was a good start. I had one more thing to do. I had to find GOOD confessions as a replacement. Here are some of things I wrote on the second ball:
• I am blessed.
• I am intelligent and wise.
• I am a great dad.
• I am hard-working.
• I am filled with purpose.
• And more! I needed a lot of help. We’ve already talked about that!
　
Don't mess with Mister In-Between

Now I’ve got two balls and they’re both covered with words and phrases. Some positive and affirming. Some negative and damning. Both balls are too small. I shake my head. Here’s what I came up with as my next step towards healing and progress. You’ll like this.

I created a new habit for the next 30 days. I didn’t want my new approach to be short-lived. I was literally praying and asking God to rewire my brain by this time. My new discipline follows:

Every morning before I left the house, I picked up the ball with all the damning words on it and declared out loud: "I leave these qualities behind! They are not me! Even if they ever were me, they are in my past. I don’t own them. I don’t owe anyone to take them on. I’m moving forward in God by the power of Christ!"

Then I would take that ball and place it on the counter or on the floor – or anywhere really – and remind myself that I have left those things behind. They don’t have the right to ride around with me that day. I don’t need them. They stay behind.

Next I picked up the other ball and began a new set of confessions: "I am happy and healthy! I am disciplined. I am diligent, creative and responsive. I am gifted! God is blessing me and my life is turning around! I am a fruitful and productive man! I am blessed of God!"

This ball didn’t get placed on the counter. Nope! This one came with me. I carried it out the door with the reminder that I am walking with these attributes. They are a part of me. I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me and I take the Spirit of God with me everywhere I go. Bless God!
　
Be Careful Watch You Catch

I performed these rituals for a while. I’ll admit that they helped me up out of a dark place. So often we take life’s beatings and internalize them. It’s a trick of your enemy to immobilize you forever. Some have even taken their own lives because they continued believing only the worst about themselves, to the point of thinking their friends, families and even the world would be better off if they weren’t in it.

Tragic.

Don’t let the worst parts of my experience be your testimony. If you need tangible help changing your confession, maybe you should get some balls?



Mark Anthony McCray is the Founder of "Live Big, Die Empty" a movement designed to help people live life more abundantly and walk in the purposes for which they were created. Write or call 832-566-2001 for more information and follow Mark on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/MARKMCCRAY and http://www.twitter.com/LiveBigDieEmpty

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HELP!!! I'm a "5" on a Scale from 1 to 10!

Let me ask you to consider something. How would you rate your life on a scale from 1 to 10? Honestly?

Let me ask you to consider something else. If you're reading this, you've probably answered somewhere between 3 and 5. Let's call it a 5 for discussion purposes.

Finally - just food for thought - consider that everything you know, all you've learned and experienced, every relationship you have or have had, everything you've been up to this point...has created a "5" life.

If the sum total of everything that you've put in your mind and spirit up to this point in life has created a "5" life, maybe you need to start feeding your mind, heart and soul something different? Something new? That means you need to start asking yourself different questions, reading different books, listening to different people.

I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable without offering a solution. You're not alone. There are people who can honestly answer 7 or above. Most of those people aren't reading this blog, however.

If you're living a "5" life, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to continue with that? Are you going to try to convince yourself that it's okay?

Don't do that! A 5 life isn't okay. You were created for a 10 life!

Let me share a couple of resources with you to help you get closer to living a 10 life. I can't take credit for all these. First, here are some questions that my Pastor, Thaddeus Eastland, has been asking us to ponder as we "Journey to Wellness" at HOPE Church - Pearland over the next several weeks:

1. What are my areas of giftedness? Where can I uniquely make the most difference?

2. Where can I best give God a return on the gifts He has given me?

3. Where is my ability to give, add, display courage, persevere INEXHAUSTIBLE?

4. Where do I consistently see God's grace showing up in my life?

5. Where is my energy renewed and restored - even after I've spent it all?

6. Everyone says they can give what it takes, but in what areas can I take what it gives? All the abuse, pain, isolation and challenge and yet keep going?

7. Why have I been dispatched to Earth?

As you prayerfully and honestly consider your answers, I believe you'll grow closer and closer to having some clarity and living a 10 life!

Also, here's a FREE audio program that I found and think you'll appreciate. It will encourage you. It's called "No Dream is Too Big!" by Vic Johnson and you can get it for FREE here: http://www.box.net/shared/9nsti73diz

Finally, you can begin to “Live Big and Die Empty”! Start by "Liking" this page http://www.facebook.com/LiveBigDieEmpty and then ordering my book and you're on your way because I need your financial support to get everything done and delivered.

Pre-order your copy of "Live Big. Die Empty" today for only $17.95 and get the guidance you need to take your life to a new level. Filled with powerful exercises and observations that will revolutionize the way you look at yourself and your life, you need this if you're tired of living a small life. Pre-orders get this special introductory pricing! If you're close enough, you'll even get a big ole hug!

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=38MCJ4F2VAQ9U

Mark Anthony McCray is the Founder of "Live Big, Die Empty" a movement designed to help people live life more abundantly and walk in the purposes for which they were created. Write or call 832-566-2001 for more information and follow Mark on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/MARKMCCRAY and http://www.twitter.com/LiveBigDieEmpty

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Why do I keep telling people to "Live Big. Die Empty"?

Who is Mark Anthony McCray and why do I keep telling people about "Live Big. Die Empty" all the time?

I am a regular guy with a lot of passion born from pain and promise. Some would consider me to have been a successful person, but I always knew that there was much more inside me than my outside world reflected. I never compared myself to others, but to the man that I knew I could be…that I was SUPPOSED to be. I got tired of not being that person who God created me to be. Sick and tired. Crying tears tired. I know a number of you have been there, too.

In my life I have launched several businesses, worked in full-time ministry, participated in a number of charitable and volunteer activities, served on advisory boards and political committees and more. I’ve never been one to slide through life hiding in a corner. That’s just not me. But I knew I wasn’t “successful” in the way I knew I wanted to be. Not only was I not enjoying life and getting the most out of it, but I certainly wasn’t living abundantly. Jesus said that He came that we would have life more abundantly. I wasn’t experiencing that kind of life and obviously didn’t have a clue as to how to get it.

I started seeking God for answers on this topic:
How can a person be truly successful?
What is success?
How can I live a big life instead of the small life in which I felt stuck?
How can I bring to pass all the visions and dreams that I felt like the Lord had trapped in my heart?
How can I live big and die empty?
I've got some of the answers now. I've been laboring on this book and the resources that will come along with it. It will bless you. Stay tuned. Even better, you can support me with a Pre-Order. Write markanthonymccray@gmail.com for more information and stay connected to my Twitter account.

You can begin to “Live Big and Die Empty”, too! Start by "Liking" this page http://www.facebook.com/LiveBigDieEmpty and then order my book and you're on your way!

Pre-order your copy of "Live Big. Die Empty" today for only $17.95 and get the guidance you need to take your life to a new level. Filled with powerful exercises and observations that will revolutionize the way you look at yourself and your life, you need this if your tired of living a small life. Pre-orders get an autographed copy and this special introductory pricing!

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=38MCJ4F2VAQ9U

Mark Anthony McCray is the Founder of "Live Big, Die Empty" a movement designed to help people live life more abundantly and walk in the purposes for which they were created. Write or call 832-566-2001 for more information and follow Mark on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/MARKMCCRAY and http://www.twitter.com/LiveBigDieEmpty

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