Meeting Your Husband’s Seven Basic Needs

or "How to Be a Godly Wife" by Advanced Training Institute International

(You can read about meeting your wife's needs here!) 

As a wife, you are uniquely qualified to fully meet your husband’s needs and cause him to “rejoice in the wife of his youth” (Proverbs 5:18).

In His Word, God clearly establishes the responsibilities of a husband and a wife. (See Genesis 3:16, Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:18-19, and I Peter 3:1-7.) It is the wife’s responsibility to honor and reverence her husband.

Following is a description of seven basic needs of a husband, accompanied by ideas to help you to become a Godly wife. As you gain insights into your husband’s needs, take steps to meet those needs.

1. A man needs a wife who is loyal and supportive.

Helping her husband fulfill his goals and dreams is a wife’s main responsibility. Remember that you are to support his vision—he establishes the goals and priorities for your family. A foolish wife will crush her husband’s spirit by resisting his decisions, and God will hold her accountable for disobedience to His instructions. (See Ephesians 5:22-24.) If your husband’s goals are not in harmony with Scripture, you should make a wise appeal.

Realize that your husband’s perspective is different than yours.

A man’s goals often involve long-range achievement. Therefore, a man is willing to sacrifice short-term convenience in order to meet an important long-term goal. However, a wife’s perspective usually centers on short-term goals associated with her responsibilities in the family and home. During times of pressure, a wife should keep the “big picture” in mind. Accept difficult situations from God without giving Him a deadline to remove them.

Encourage your husband.

Encourage your husband not to give up on God-given goals. Urge him to verbalize his dreams and hopes, and give him your wholehearted support. Ask him how you can help him reach his goals. If your husband fails to set goals or give direction to you and your family, pray for him and trust God to work in his life. (See Proverbs 3:5-7.)

Be enthusiastic about your husband’s achievements. Sharing his excitement is more important than sharing his work. Your husband needs and wants your faithful, loyal, and enthusiastic support.

Believe in your husband—no matter what.

Loyalty can be demonstrated only in adversity. A husband needs to know that his wife is committed to him no matter what and that she will look first to him for counsel and direction. Use difficult times to reflect the depth of your commitment to your husband, and do not ask others for counsel without his permission.

A wife is never supposed to “take over.”

In response to pressures within the family or within a marital relationship, a foolish wife will take matters into her own hands. When you intrude into one area of responsibility, even with the “good” motive of meeting urgent needs, your husband will most likely surrender other responsibilities as well. Initially, it may appear that you succeed in fulfilling responsibilities that should be carried out by your husband. However, in the long run, the decision to usurp or ignore your husband’s responsibility to meet those needs will do much more harm than good. (See Proverbs 14:1.)

It’s God’s job to convict your husband—not yours.

Purpose not to become your husband’s conscience. Wisely appeal wrong decisions, and then give him room to fail. Be loyal, faithful, and enduring. Trust in God to work everything together for good. (See Romans 8:28.)

Seek your husband’s advice first.

A wife should demonstrate loyalty to her husband’s wishes, goals, and standards. Therefore, when a need arises, you should seek your husband’s guidance and counsel first, especially in regard to family issues, rather than seeking advice from other family members and friends.

If you have questions about spiritual matters, you should first take them to your husband. If the two of you are unable to find the answers, then request help from wiser, more mature believers, such as your pastor, parents, or other mentors. (See I Corinthians 14:35.)

Enjoy the privilege of physical intimacy.

God grants spouses full access to each other’s bodies for sexual gratification. “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other . . .” (I Corinthians 7:3-5; see also Ephesians 5:24 and Colossians 3:17-19). Resistance or indifference to your husband’s need for physical intimacy is the unspoken crushing of his spirit.

2. A man needs a wife who honors his leadership.

Scripture instructs a wife to reverence her husband. (See Ephesians 5:33.) What does that mean? To reverence a husband means “to respect, defer to, revere him; to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy him.”

Honor your husband’s God-given authority.

When a wife observes her husband’s weaknesses, it can be difficult to reverence him, but God requires every wife to reverence her husband because of his God-given position of authority as her husband. The Lord will direct your life through your husband’s leadership and protection. As you reverence your husband—voluntarily and sincerely adore and be devoted to him—God will bless you. That is the plan, and it works. Trust God. Reverence your husband. (See I Peter 3:1-6.)

Express appreciation and admiration for your husband’s Godliness.

Spiritual leadership encompasses more than praying, reading the Bible, and witnessing. It involves inward strength of character that is demonstrated by standing for what is right. Whenever a man refuses to compromise Scriptural convictions, he deserves the highest praise and admiration from his wife. Let your husband hear you praise him to others.

Express your confidence in your husband.

God works through a husband’s decisions, whether they are good decisions or bad decisions. Bad decisions reveal a man’s needs and give his wife the opportunity to appeal and to grow in Godly character such as faith, patience, and forgiveness. (See Colossians 3:12-18, I Thessalonians 5:15, and Ephesians 4:31-32.) Reassure your husband of your confidence in him and in the Lord. Pray for him; tell your husband how God is working in your life through his leadership. (See I Thessalonians 5:12-13.)

Help your husband understand your needs.

Often, a wife assumes that her husband knows what protection she needs. However, most men need direction on how to protect a wife. It is important for you to tell your husband about your hidden fears, pressures, and weaknesses and to suggest things that he can do to provide protection for you physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Ask him to pray for you and with you, especially when you are going through times of temptation, discouragement, or pressure.

Submission to your husband is a reflection of your faith in God.

The Bible speaks of holy women of old whose subjection to a husband’s leadership was a demonstration of their faith in God. (See I Peter 3:5.)

For example, Abraham failed to protect his wife Sarah (see Genesis 12:10-20 and Genesis 20), yet she still “obeyed Abraham, calling him lord” (I Peter 3:6a). Sarah trusted God to meet her needs through her authority (Abraham), and God worked supernaturally on Sarah’s behalf to protect her from harm. That verse goes on to exhort all wives to follow her example: “. . . Whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well [“be a well-doer . . . as a duty”], and are not afraid with any amazement” (I Peter 3:6b).

Don’t undermine your husband’s leadership.

Proverbs 14:1 says, “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” A foolish wife can unknowingly—or deliberately—crush her husband’s spirit by making foolish choices. For example, if you seek to be financially independent, your self-sufficiency can crush your husband’s spirit. God gave your husband the responsibility to provide for his family. A wise wife will trust God to provide for her family’s needs through her husband’s leadership.

3. A man needs a wife who develops inward and outward beauty.

Every woman wants to be the wife of her husband’s dreams. The inward qualities of a meek spirit and quiet spirit are the keys to genuine attractiveness. “Let it [your adorning] be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek [mild, humble] and quiet [undisturbed and undisturbing] spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price” (I Peter 3:4).

Learn to have a meek and quiet spirit.

A wife demonstrates a meek and quiet spirit when she yields all her personal rights and expectations to God and is sincerely thankful for things that are done for her. A wife must be confident that “all things work together for good to them that love God . . .” (Romans 8:28). As you put your trust in the Lord, you can walk in peace, without worry or fear.

To develop a meek and quiet spirit you should:

• Understand the difference between your rights (what you expect or deserve from others) and your responsibilities (what you need to do).
• Yield your rights and expectations to God.
• Fulfill your responsibilities faithfully and diligently, regardless of what others are doing or failing to do. (See Proverbs 31:10-31.)
• Grow in Godly character by properly responding to disappointments. (See Colossians 3:12-18.)
• Practice contentment and gratefulness. (See Philippians 4:11-13 and I Timothy 6:6-12.)

Be conscious of your potential influence in your family.

The home is a symbol of the husband’s wisdom, provision, and protection, but the wife’s spirit sets the mood of the home. It is essential for a wife to promote an atmosphere of peace in the home. (See Psalm 34:14, II Corinthians 13:11, and Colossians 3:15.) Work toward that goal by keeping your home free of clutter, training the children to be orderly, and requesting needed home repairs promptly.

As you carefully evaluate the needs, schedules, and resources available to your family, you will become an efficient helpmeet. By coordinating family activities and responsibilities, you will eliminate tension and help establish a calm household.

Stay beautiful for your husband.

In addition to nurturing a meek and quiet spirit inwardly, a wife should strive to maintain her outward beauty as well. A wife should dress to please her husband. She should have a joyful countenance and select clothing that draws attention to it. A wife should always be well groomed.

Practice self-control, especially in the area of diet.

God is concerned about the bondage of overeating and gluttony, and many wives struggle with the issue of self-control, especially after giving birth to children. Weight control requires consistent conformity to God’s principles of living.

Let God and your husband know you care about your weight. Ask your husband to help you identify and remove hindrances to weight control, such as unhealthy foods, poor meal schedules, medical problems, or bitterness. Work together to accomplish specific goals. Your efforts to stay healthy and physically fit will bless your husband.

4. A man needs a wife who will make appeals, not demands.

If a wife discerns that her husband is going to cause damage to the Lord’s reputation, to their family, to others, or to himself, she should appeal to him, following proper guidelines:

• Be in right standing with God and your husband. (See Matthew 7:21 and Romans 10:9-11.)
• Use the right basis for the appeal: your husband’s reputation, goals, or authority. (See Matthew 6:9-13.)
• Discern the right timing. (See Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7.)
• Thoroughly present accurate facts. (See James 4:3.)
• Have right attitudes. (See Matthew 6:15 and Psalm 51:10.)
• Choose the right wording. (See Psalm 19:14, Ephesians 4:29, and Ecclesiastes 5:2.)
• Respond with grace to your husband’s decision.

Learn more about making wise appeals >>

Your husband’s success should be the motivation for your appeal.

Concern for your husband’s reputation, goals, or authority should be the motivation for your appeal. You should explain your needs and concerns without condemning him, wait for the right timing to present the appeal, and then respond to his final decision with a meek and quiet spirit.

Serve your husband well.

If you fail to demonstrate loyalty, genuine love, and a servant’s heart, your appeal will probably not be accepted. (See I Peter 3:1-6.) However, when a wife does demonstrate those attitudes, she will have tremendous influence with her husband.

Guard your heart and your mouth.

Ask your husband to tell you when he senses that you have a resistant spirit, and then repent and ask for his forgiveness. Gain insights from the examples of Godly women in Scripture who made appeals, such as Esther. (See Esther 3-9.)

Do not discredit your husband, like Abigail discredited her husband when she appealed to King David (see I Samuel 25:25), because in the future those who react to your husband can easily distort and misuse your words to bring dishonor to him.

5. A man needs a wife who understands his need for time alone with God.

A man needs time to be alone with the Lord. If you react and feel rejected when your husband takes time to be alone with the Lord, you will frustrate him. The richer a man’s fellowship with God is, the sweeter a man’s fellowship with his wife and family will be.

Recognize the benefits of his time alone.

Every man should have a private meeting place where he can fellowship with God without interruptions or distractions. A man’s desire to be alone with God does not indicate rejection of his wife but rather provides him with an opportunity to gain a broader perspective on life and to be refreshed spiritually.

Encourage your husband to establish a quiet place where he can study, pray, read, and think. Increase your prayers for your husband when he is seeking the Lord. Encourage your husband to share with the family that which God is teaching him. Offer to share burdens that affect his spirit over long periods of time. (See Galatians 6:2.)

6. A man needs a grateful wife.

Expectations destroy gratefulness. Gratefulness is the basis of joyfulness, and a joyful wife is a crown to her husband. (See Proverbs 12:4.) An unhappy wife is a public rebuke to him. A husband feels like a prisoner of his wife’s expectations if she does not release them to the Lord. (See Psalm 62:5.)

Frequently express sincere gratitude.

A wife should continually be expressing sincere gratitude for the loving provision of her husband rather than continually reminding him of his shortcomings and failures. To develop a grateful spirit, you should expect nothing and learn to be appreciative of each little expression of your husband’s love.

Thank your husband for the things he is currently doing for you. Point out your husband’s strengths and encourage him to further develop them, for the glory of God. Praise your husband for wisely avoiding worldly traps and for making righteous decisions.

Become a virtuous woman.

Memorize the fruit of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22-23, and then visualize how the struggles and joys of your marriage can help you develop Godly qualities. Trust God to work all things together for your good, your husband’s good, and your family’s good. (See Romans 8:28.)

7. A man needs a wife who will be praised by others.

When a woman is praised for her character and for her good works, she brings honor to her husband and to the Lord.“Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates” (Proverbs 31:30-31).

Several passages of Scripture describe the traits of a Godly woman, especially Proverbs 31:10-31, Titus 2:3-5, and I Timothy 5:9-10, 14. You would be wise to carefully study these passages and make it your goal to adhere to the standards they set forth so “that the Word of God be not blasphemed [i.e., vilified, defamed]” (Titus 2:5) and you will not“give occasion to the adversary [Satan] to speak reproachfully” (I Timothy 5:14). As a Godly wife, you will be given strength and honor, and you “shall rejoice in time to come” (Proverbs 31:25).

You can become a Godly wife.

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her . . . . She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:10-12).

You can become a virtuous wife, doing your husband good and not evil all the days of his life. As you meet your husband’s needs, you will bring glory to God, and the heart of your husband will trust in you. Your husband will “rejoice in the wife of his youth!”

If you need help determining whether the guy you're dating is the kind who can appreciate this kind of woman, you need this teaching...

Order your copy today here: http://store.payloadz.com/details/1874100-audio-books-relationships-10-things-to-consider-about-a-man.html



In the mean time, as you work this out, learn to be humble and strong enough to change. As we've talked about before, there's nothing wrong with giving a little ground to get along better.  It doesn't make you any less of a person nor any weaker of a person.  God bless!


Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.comPhone: 281-846-5720 Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmptyFacebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmptyLinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/postsYouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccrayPinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/ Click HERE for information on Mark as a speaker or presenter and HERE to learn about coaching programs to help you realize your potential and live more prosperously!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.comPhone: 281-846-5720 Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmptyFacebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmptyLinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/postsYouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccrayPinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/ Click HERE for information on Mark as a speaker or presenter and HERE to learn about coaching programs to help you realize your potential and live more prosperously!

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"They Won't Think" by Thomas Alva Edison

EVERY MAN has some forte, something he can do better than he can do anything else. Many men, however, never find the job they are best suited for. And often this is because they do not think enough. Too many men drift lazily into any job, suited or unsuited for them; and when they don't get along well they blame everybody and everything but themselves. Grouches are nearly always pinheads, small men who have never made any effort to improve their mental capacity. The brain can be developed just the same as the muscles can be developed, if one will only take the pains to train the mind to think. Why do so many men never amount to anything? Because they don't think. I am going to have a sign put up all over my plant, reading "There is no expedient to which a man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking."

That is true. There is hardly a day that I do not discover how painfully true it is.

What progress individuals could make, and what progress the world would make, if thinking were given proper consideration! It seems to me that not one man in a thousand appreciates what can be accomplished by training the mind to think.

It is because they do not use their thinking powers that so many people have never developed a creditable mentality. The brain that isn't used rusts. The brain that is used responds. The brain is exactly like any other part of the body: it can be strengthened by proper exercise, by proper use. Put your arm in a sling and keep it there for a considerable length of time, and, when you take it out, you find that you can't use it. In the same way, the brain that isn't used suffers atrophy.

By developing your thinking powers you expand the capacity of your brain and attain new abilities. For example, the average person's brain does not observe a thousandth part of what the eye observes. The average brain simply fails to register the things which come before the eye. It is almost incredible how poor our powers of observation--genuine observation--are. Let me give an illustration: When we first started the incandescent lighting system we had a lamp factory at the bottom of a hill, at Menlo Park. It was a very busy time for us all. Seventy-five of us worked twenty hours every day and slept only four hours--and thrived on it.

I fed them all, and I had a man play an organ all the time we were at work. One midnight, while at lunch, a matter came up which caused me to refer to a cherry tree beside the hill leading from the main works to the lamp factory. Nobody seemed to know anything about the location of the cherry tree. This made me conduct a little investigation, and I found that although twenty-seven of these men had used this path every day for six months not one of them had ever noticed the tree.

The eye sees a great many things, but the average brain records very few of them. Indeed, nobody has the slightest conception of how little the brain 'sees' unless it has been highly trained. I remember dropping in to see a man whose duty was to watch the working of a hundred machines on a table. I asked him if everything was all right.

Yes, everything is all right, he said.

But, I had already noticed that two of the machines had stopped. I drew his attention to them, and he was mortified. He confessed that, although his sole duty was to watch and see that every machine was working, he had not noticed that these two had stopped. I could hide myself off and keep busy at thinking forever. I don't need anybody to amuse me. It is the same way with my friends John Burroughs, the naturalist, and Henry Ford, who is a natural-born mechanic. We can derive the most satisfying kind of joy from thinking and thinking and thinking.

The man who doesn't make up his mind to cultivate the habit of thinking misses the greatest pleasure in life. He not only misses the greatest pleasure, but he cannot make the most of himself. All progress, all success, springs from thinking.

Of course, even the most concentrated thinking cannot solve every new problem that the brain can conceive. It usually takes me from five to seven years to perfect a thing. Some things I have been working on for twenty-five years--and some of them are still unsolved. My average would be about seven years. The incandescent light was the hardest one of all; it took many years not only of concentrated thought but also of world-wide research. The storage battery took eight years. It took even longer to perfect the phonograph.

Which do I consider my greatest invention? Well, my reply to that would be that I like the phonograph best. Doubtless this is because I love music. And then it has brought so much joy into millions of homes all over the country, and, indeed, all over the world. Music is so helpful to the human mind that it is naturally a source of satisfaction to me that I have helped in some way to make the very finest music available to millions who could not afford to pay the price and time necessary to hear the greatest artists sing and play.

Many inventions are not suitable for the people at large because of their carelessness. Before a thing can be marketed to the masses, it must be made practically fool-proof. Its operation must be made extremely simple. That is one reason, I think, why the phonograph has been so universally adopted. Even a child can operate it.

Another reason, is that people are far more willing to pay for being amused than for anything else.

One great trouble with the world to-day is that people wander from place to place, and are never satisfied with anything. They are shiftless and thoughtless. They revolt at buckling down and doing hard work and hard thinking. They refuse to take the time and the trouble to lay solid foundations. They are too superficial, too flighty, too easily bored. They fail to adopt the right spirit toward their life work, and consequently fail to enjoy the satisfaction and the happiness which comes from doing a job, no matter what it is, absolutely in the best way within their power. Failing to find the joy which they should find in accomplishing something, they turn to every imaginable variety of amusement. Instead of learning to drink in joy through their minds, they try to find it, without effort, through their eyes and their ears--and sometimes their stomachs. It is all because they won't think, won't think!

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GET SOME BALLS!

"You've got to accentuate the positive…
Eliminate the negative…
And latch on to the affirmative…
Don't mess with Mister In‐Between!" ~ Johnny Mercer
　
Why Am I Writing About Balls?

I was attending a Men’s Retreat a while back and participated in an interesting exercise that changed my views on self-talk, the internal dialogue we all have with ourselves. I’ll describe it for you below. First, I want to tell you where I was at the time. Let me give you the punch line right up front: “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”

These are the words written by Solomon in Proverbs Chapter 23, Verse 7. They became real for me last summer as I began to fully understand that my world was a product of what I was saying about myself. Let me be blunter. I was very dissatisfied with my life.

I wasn’t being productive. I wasn’t fruitful. I wasn’t experiencing joy, expansion or any elements of what one would consider an abundant life. I was a Believer and Jesus said He had come so that men might have an abundant life. My life – whatever it was – wasn’t abundant and I knew it.

I also knew that I was responsible. There was no room in my mind for "shaking the fist at God" exasperation that we so often see in the movies or on television. The only person at whom I could shake my fist was Mark. I was mad at myself. I was disappointed. I was frustrated. I had let myself down. My own internal dialogue had betrayed me. As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. Apparently, I had not been thinking much of myself – and it showed!
　
Now – back to the Men’s’ Retreat…

Let me paint this picture for you this way…

The speaker stood in front of the room and picked up a Styrofoam ball. You know? The kind that Nerf makes. He began to describe that ball as the embodiment of every negative opinion the enemy, Satan, the Accuser of the Brothers, would say about us. He told us the ball represented the worst in us. Envision, if you will, a little Nerf ball as the literal physical manifestation of all of these negative character traits and more, and imagine the enemy or, (worse) yourself, saying these things to yourself:
• You are a liar and you lack integrity.
• You are an alcoholic and if you give it up, you’ll just become addicted to something else.
• You are addicted to pornography and you can’t stop.
• You are a horrible dad and your children will never recover from your mistakes.
• You are a bad husband. You don’t even deserve a good wife.

Do any of these sound familiar to you? Perhaps you’ve said one or more of these to yourself over the years…over the last few months. Maybe you said one of these to yourself just this morning? If not these, I understand spiritual warfare enough to know, there is something the enemy has convinced you to say to yourself that is counter to the word of God, and destructive to you living out your purpose and calling. I know it as sure as I’m sitting here because I’m not ignorant of the devil’s tactics.

(Back to the retreat so I can show you one way to fight back!)

The speaker takes this ball that represents many of the lies the devil wants us to believe about ourselves, walks down into the crowd and he tosses it to someone – some guy innocently sitting a few feet from him. The guy, being cooperative or simply stunned by having an object hurled at him, catches it.

Point made. We just didn’t realize it yet.

The point was this: so often we take the devil’s accusations and lies and we make them our own by receiving them without question. We don’t even challenge the validity or usefulness! An enemy tosses us a lie and we catch it! Damage done.

He explained this to us to our amazement and embarrassment. We were ashamed at how easily we could all be duped into accepting the worse opinions of ourselves. It was funny. Almost.
What happened truly made the point hit home for me. He takes this ball. He describes more of the lies it represents.
• You aren’t very smart. It’s only a matter of time before people figure it out.
• You don’t belong here and you’ll never fit in.
• People don’t respect you – and there’s no reason for them to respect you anyway.
• People don’t love you – and there’s no reason for them to love you anyway.
• You aren’t talented. God forgot to give you any gifts.

There’s a small twist to follow, however. He’s aware that we won’t be fooled into casually catching something so vile and destructive this time around. Instead he pleads with us. "Hey, please, I’m going to toss this ball and I need someone to catch it. Please? Just help me make my point."

Then he tosses the ball. Some dude catches it.

"Why did you catch it?" he rebukes him.

"I was just trying to be cooperative" was the response.

Point made powerfully. Sometimes we accept negative words about ourselves just because we don’t want to seem argumentative, difficult or hard to get along with. We’re just getting along to go along…or going along to get along… however I’m supposed to say that. Either way, we figure it’s easier to just allow our wife to say that we aren’t much of a man, or to call ourselves "stupid" under our voice than it is to fight back.

I can promise you this. No one of us men caught any more Styrofoam balls that day! I’m not sure I’ve caught any since then!
　
Eliminate the Negative

I thought about this experience for a couple of days. I couldn’t get away from it. It lived in my mind moment by moment and I felt like there was a powerful key I could take to another level in there somewhere. Here’s what I did.

I went down to the local toy store and bought a Nerf ball and a Sharpie. I couldn’t wait to get home so I sat there in the parking lot after leaving the store, unwrapped everything like a kid on Christmas and began to write all over my new Styrofoam basketball about the size of a grapefruit.

I wrote down all the evil, poisonous and limiting words that I had so often said to myself about myself. I’ll confess to some of the words that I wrote on my ball – you can call these the lies:
• I’m cursed.
• I’ll never get it together.
• I’m lazy.
• I’m poor.
• I’m not a good man.
• I’m a bad dad.
• And much, much more. I probably needed a bigger ball I had so much crap in my head!

I wrote these words out and looked at them there in front of my eyes. I stared at them and came to the revelation that I AM NOT THOSE THINGS. THOSE THINGS LIVE OUTSIDE OF ME. I DON’T HAVE TO CATCH THEM, RECEIVE THEM OR OTHERWISE OWN THEM! THEY ARE NOT ME!!! THEY ARE NOT ME!!!
It was so freeing that I’ll never forget it. Not ever. There’s another step the Lord gave me, however, because the job wasn’t done.
　
Accentuate the Positive and Latch on to the Affirmative

Freedom is freedom and it’s great, valid and valuable. Freedom isn’t empowerment necessarily and I still needed power.

Keep in mind; I don’t think I’ve gone home yet. I think I’m still sitting in the parking lot at Wal-Mart at this point. I started thinking about power and progress and how could I begin to move my life forward. Halting the destruction is great. I still needed to begin to build. Remember, I had done a lot of damage in my own life by way of the dialogue I had allowed between my ears. There was much work to do.

Since I’m calling this blog "Get some balls!" you can guess what happened next. I went back into the store and bought another Nerf basketball and went back to my permanent marker. I decided that changing my confessions by getting rid of the bad was a good start. I had one more thing to do. I had to find GOOD confessions as a replacement. Here are some of things I wrote on the second ball:
• I am blessed.
• I am intelligent and wise.
• I am a great dad.
• I am hard-working.
• I am filled with purpose.
• And more! I needed a lot of help. We’ve already talked about that!
　
Don't mess with Mister In-Between

Now I’ve got two balls and they’re both covered with words and phrases. Some positive and affirming. Some negative and damning. Both balls are too small. I shake my head. Here’s what I came up with as my next step towards healing and progress. You’ll like this.

I created a new habit for the next 30 days. I didn’t want my new approach to be short-lived. I was literally praying and asking God to rewire my brain by this time. My new discipline follows:

Every morning before I left the house, I picked up the ball with all the damning words on it and declared out loud: "I leave these qualities behind! They are not me! Even if they ever were me, they are in my past. I don’t own them. I don’t owe anyone to take them on. I’m moving forward in God by the power of Christ!"

Then I would take that ball and place it on the counter or on the floor – or anywhere really – and remind myself that I have left those things behind. They don’t have the right to ride around with me that day. I don’t need them. They stay behind.

Next I picked up the other ball and began a new set of confessions: "I am happy and healthy! I am disciplined. I am diligent, creative and responsive. I am gifted! God is blessing me and my life is turning around! I am a fruitful and productive man! I am blessed of God!"

This ball didn’t get placed on the counter. Nope! This one came with me. I carried it out the door with the reminder that I am walking with these attributes. They are a part of me. I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me and I take the Spirit of God with me everywhere I go. Bless God!
　
Be Careful Watch You Catch

I performed these rituals for a while. I’ll admit that they helped me up out of a dark place. So often we take life’s beatings and internalize them. It’s a trick of your enemy to immobilize you forever. Some have even taken their own lives because they continued believing only the worst about themselves, to the point of thinking their friends, families and even the world would be better off if they weren’t in it.

Tragic.

Don’t let the worst parts of my experience be your testimony. If you need tangible help changing your confession, maybe you should get some balls?



Mark Anthony McCray is the Founder of "Live Big, Die Empty" a movement designed to help people live life more abundantly and walk in the purposes for which they were created. Write or call 832-566-2001 for more information and follow Mark on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/MARKMCCRAY and http://www.twitter.com/LiveBigDieEmpty

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HELP!!! I'm a "5" on a Scale from 1 to 10!

Let me ask you to consider something. How would you rate your life on a scale from 1 to 10? Honestly?

Let me ask you to consider something else. If you're reading this, you've probably answered somewhere between 3 and 5. Let's call it a 5 for discussion purposes.

Finally - just food for thought - consider that everything you know, all you've learned and experienced, every relationship you have or have had, everything you've been up to this point...has created a "5" life.

If the sum total of everything that you've put in your mind and spirit up to this point in life has created a "5" life, maybe you need to start feeding your mind, heart and soul something different? Something new? That means you need to start asking yourself different questions, reading different books, listening to different people.

I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable without offering a solution. You're not alone. There are people who can honestly answer 7 or above. Most of those people aren't reading this blog, however.

If you're living a "5" life, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to continue with that? Are you going to try to convince yourself that it's okay?

Don't do that! A 5 life isn't okay. You were created for a 10 life!

Let me share a couple of resources with you to help you get closer to living a 10 life. I can't take credit for all these. First, here are some questions that my Pastor, Thaddeus Eastland, has been asking us to ponder as we "Journey to Wellness" at HOPE Church - Pearland over the next several weeks:

1. What are my areas of giftedness? Where can I uniquely make the most difference?

2. Where can I best give God a return on the gifts He has given me?

3. Where is my ability to give, add, display courage, persevere INEXHAUSTIBLE?

4. Where do I consistently see God's grace showing up in my life?

5. Where is my energy renewed and restored - even after I've spent it all?

6. Everyone says they can give what it takes, but in what areas can I take what it gives? All the abuse, pain, isolation and challenge and yet keep going?

7. Why have I been dispatched to Earth?

As you prayerfully and honestly consider your answers, I believe you'll grow closer and closer to having some clarity and living a 10 life!

Also, here's a FREE audio program that I found and think you'll appreciate. It will encourage you. It's called "No Dream is Too Big!" by Vic Johnson and you can get it for FREE here: http://www.box.net/shared/9nsti73diz

Finally, you can begin to “Live Big and Die Empty”! Start by "Liking" this page http://www.facebook.com/LiveBigDieEmpty and then ordering my book and you're on your way because I need your financial support to get everything done and delivered.

Pre-order your copy of "Live Big. Die Empty" today for only $17.95 and get the guidance you need to take your life to a new level. Filled with powerful exercises and observations that will revolutionize the way you look at yourself and your life, you need this if you're tired of living a small life. Pre-orders get this special introductory pricing! If you're close enough, you'll even get a big ole hug!

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=38MCJ4F2VAQ9U

Mark Anthony McCray is the Founder of "Live Big, Die Empty" a movement designed to help people live life more abundantly and walk in the purposes for which they were created. Write or call 832-566-2001 for more information and follow Mark on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/MARKMCCRAY and http://www.twitter.com/LiveBigDieEmpty

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Why do I keep telling people to "Live Big. Die Empty"?

Who is Mark Anthony McCray and why do I keep telling people about "Live Big. Die Empty" all the time?

I am a regular guy with a lot of passion born from pain and promise. Some would consider me to have been a successful person, but I always knew that there was much more inside me than my outside world reflected. I never compared myself to others, but to the man that I knew I could be…that I was SUPPOSED to be. I got tired of not being that person who God created me to be. Sick and tired. Crying tears tired. I know a number of you have been there, too.

In my life I have launched several businesses, worked in full-time ministry, participated in a number of charitable and volunteer activities, served on advisory boards and political committees and more. I’ve never been one to slide through life hiding in a corner. That’s just not me. But I knew I wasn’t “successful” in the way I knew I wanted to be. Not only was I not enjoying life and getting the most out of it, but I certainly wasn’t living abundantly. Jesus said that He came that we would have life more abundantly. I wasn’t experiencing that kind of life and obviously didn’t have a clue as to how to get it.

I started seeking God for answers on this topic:
How can a person be truly successful?
What is success?
How can I live a big life instead of the small life in which I felt stuck?
How can I bring to pass all the visions and dreams that I felt like the Lord had trapped in my heart?
How can I live big and die empty?
I've got some of the answers now. I've been laboring on this book and the resources that will come along with it. It will bless you. Stay tuned. Even better, you can support me with a Pre-Order. Write markanthonymccray@gmail.com for more information and stay connected to my Twitter account.

You can begin to “Live Big and Die Empty”, too! Start by "Liking" this page http://www.facebook.com/LiveBigDieEmpty and then order my book and you're on your way!

Pre-order your copy of "Live Big. Die Empty" today for only $17.95 and get the guidance you need to take your life to a new level. Filled with powerful exercises and observations that will revolutionize the way you look at yourself and your life, you need this if your tired of living a small life. Pre-orders get an autographed copy and this special introductory pricing!

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=38MCJ4F2VAQ9U

Mark Anthony McCray is the Founder of "Live Big, Die Empty" a movement designed to help people live life more abundantly and walk in the purposes for which they were created. Write or call 832-566-2001 for more information and follow Mark on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/MARKMCCRAY and http://www.twitter.com/LiveBigDieEmpty

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Would you pay $9.99 an hour to get more clear about your life's purpose?

I have a question for you: How much would you pay me to work for you or teach you?

Seriously. If you could hire me to teach you, coach you and train you - how much would you be willing to pay for it? Would changing the direction of your life for the better be worth $39.95 a month?

If you could learn new exercises, techniques and strategies for planning your life, building a business, increasing your income and understanding your purpose, would it be worth the price of a meal?

FIRST, some feedback from one of my protégés

"Thank you for your help! Thanks for calling me this morning. Talking with you was a great help. I think it is worth mentioning again that you have been an inspiration to me over the years. Also, I have accomplished quite a bit based on the knowledge I gleamed from you over the years that I have known you.

Now, I feel I am at a place where I need I am no longer able to maximize my potential and need to surround myself with people who are accomplishing great things and who have the capacity and desire to accomplish great things. At this point in my life, I am ready to expand my vision and expand my tents and I need the counsel of others to accomplish all that God has in me to do."

Here's another one...

"Some good words for a good man...From the get go Mark became a very inspirational figure for me. Not only did he motivate me to work harder for my goals, but he helped me get one step closer to them. When I needed help and guidance he has been there for me. I know that I can count on him for help, great advice, leadership, or even just an ear. :-) Thanks again!"

The stories continue. I have given a number of people a couple of tips that transformed their lives, but then realized that it would be much better if I put together Mastermind-Accountability-Power Groups to help even more people. I now have so many projects that I'm usually not available to be hired to teach, coach and mentor people one-on-one.

HERE'S THE POINT...

Very rarely, I create a small "Inner Circle" or high-end coaching program, and these normally range from a few hundred to a few thousand per year in tuition (and again, this is for GROUP training and coaching).

And honestly, because I've invested the last several years of my life creating the VERY BEST training programs for all key areas of success with life, business and money - it's actually BETTER to go through one of my highly-organized training programs with a group to benefit from everyone's feedback.

Right now, I'm opening up a new group for a purpose, money, wealth and business training program that I'm going to be teaching over 60 days.

Included in this package of training are some of my very best online business and life-mapping education programs.

I just did a little bit of quick math and realized that when you register for this program, you're paying about $9.99 an hour for the incredible training you're getting.

Under ten bucks an hour.

And I (and will be able to) PREPARE for each of the segments that I facilitate in this training - so it's very conscious, very focused and very effective.

Now, the reality is that I've probably invested at least a thousand hours reading, attending live seminars, learning from mentors, coaching others, testing and implementing the techniques you're going to learn in this program to succeed in life and business...

So it's more like hiring me for pennies an hour to do the research, then asking me to summarize it all for you in easy-to-understand and easy-to-use formats - so you can succeed faster than I did (which many people who have used my trainings have done).

As you can see, I'm trying to give you another perspective on how to think about this important investment in your education and your future success. If you don't educate yourself about life, business, money and wealth, I can guarantee you success won't happen by happenstance.

This program is only open for registration for a few days. I really want you to see the incredible value that you're going to get when you participate in these trainings with me - so
I'm offering a no-commitment guarantee.

You cancel the program at any time if you don't like it, all you have to do is send me an email and let me know that you gave it a shot, but it's just not right for you.

The only thing you've got to lose is your fear, uncertainty and weakness about life, business and money...

Email me today! I hope to see you in the program!

Mark Anthony

P.S. Think about what I said about the $9.99 an hour. This is a real opportunity for you to get trained by me for a bargain.

Please take a few moments to check out my "Live Big. Die Empty." Forum and Blog! "Live Big. Die Empty" contains some of the techniques that I used to start taking my life in a better direction - to start living bigger so that I could bring to fruition everything God placed in me.

You can begin to “Live Big and Die Empty”, too! Start by "Liking" this page http://www.facebook.com/LiveBigDieEmpty and then order my book and you're on your way!

Pre-order your copy of "Live Big. Die Empty" today for only $17.95 and get the guidance you need to take your life to a new level. Filled with powerful exercises and observations that will revolutionize the way you look at yourself and your life, you need this if your tired of living a small life. Pre-orders get an autographed copy and this special introductory pricing!

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=38MCJ4F2VAQ9U

Mark Anthony McCray is the Founder of "Live Big, Die Empty" a movement designed to help people live life more abundantly and walk in the purposes for which they were created. Write or call 832-566-2001 for more information and follow Mark on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/MARKMCCRAY and http://www.twitter.com/LiveBigDieEmpty

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“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” [FREE DOWNLOAD]

“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”

If we really understood those words, it would change our lives. I can tell you the very day I got on the path to true success because it was the day that I realized that the whole process started between my ears! I was then and I am now what I believed I was.

You are who you think you are! No more. No less. In your heart or soul - the collection of your mind, emotions and will - you have created a definition of yourself and so have I. All of us do this. And our outer world continually manifests what that set of definitions in the same way that a thermostat will always adjust the temperature of a room back to its setting.

I call this "The Thermostat Principle" and you should keep reading! It's the subject of my next book.

Click HERE if you want a free copy of the James Allen masterpiece "As a Man Thinketh"

Think about it this way. If the thermostat of a room is set for 74 degrees, what happens when the door is opened on a hot day? Right! The air conditioner will turn on and begin to blow cold air until the room gets back to the level for which it’s been set: 74 degrees. If the thermostat is set for 74 degrees and it’s a cold day outside, the furnace will kick on and blast warm air into the entire house just to get the temperature in the room back up to 74 degrees. The entire system is set up to make sure it returns to that setting – the definition of “comfortable” with which you have set the thermostat.

Our systems – our lives, relationships, work, habits – everything tend to line up to bring us back to our internal setting. When I first really, truly understood this it made me kind of sad and somber. I looked at what I felt like was a lack of productivity and a lack of success and realized that I had created my own world. For better or for worse, I was 100% responsible for what I saw as a result of how I thought.

I had set my thermostat to “Just Above Average” and left it there for years! Therefore, no matter difficult things became from time to time, I was always able to get my life back to just above average. When I would experience big successes, I would follow them up with a setback or something that would bring my life back down to just above average. If new opportunities came to me, I would habitually choose the ones that produced more just above average-ness instead of the ones that opened a door to possible greatness. My thermostat was constantly adjusting my world.

Through it all, at least my thermostat was working! I could take some victory from that, right?

So then it made me happy after I got over myself! I got happy because I knew that I was just as close to changing my life by changing my thoughts! If the way I thought and the way I thought about myself had created a just-above-average life, then elevating my thoughts could elevate my life! Right?!!

Exactly.

There’s another thing, too. If you leave the door open so that it’s difficult for the temperature to come back to the proper setting, the air conditioner or furnace will literally go all day and all night trying to get back to the setting for which they are programmed, burning up a lot of energy in the process. This is what happens in a lot of our lives. We burn ourselves out and used a lot of energy to try to change the circumstances in our lives – our temperature – but we don’t realize that it’s more productive, faster and costs us less energy to just change our settings.

My next task was to begin to search for ways to rewire my brain. "Live Big. Die Empty" contains some of the techniques that I used to start taking my life in a better direction - to start living bigger so that I could bring to fruition everything God placed in me.

You can begin to “Live Big and Die Empty”, too! Join me on Facebook!

Are you looking for more guidance on building and expanding your business?  Get your copy of "From Idea to Ignition: How to Get Your Business off the Ground" today and also check out "The Sales Monster - 10 Ultimate No B.S. #MonsterTips to Help You Sell More and Earn More Money NOW!"  Both are packed full of information and insights you can take to the bank!  Available for download right to your Inbox after purchase with tons of bonus material!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY.  Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!



He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://www.gigsalad.com/mark_anthony_mccray_houston

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His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage

HAVE YOU PURCHASED YOUR COPY OF HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS YET?! CLICK HERE!!

A number of people have asked me about the book I referenced a few days ago, "His Needs, Her Needs" so here's a PSA. You can click below and order it right from here! After you read it, tell me what you think about it! Tweet your thoughts to me at http://twitter.com/livebigdieempty

From "His Needs, Her Needs" by Dr. Willard Harley...

"The Top 5 Things a Woman Needs in a Husband"

#1 AFFECTION:

"Physical affection symbolizes security, protection, comfort, and approval."

Affection is important in its own right and it has nothing to do with sex. Affection says "I Love You" without "I Lust For You." Hugs, kisses, hand-holding, touches, gifts, back rubs, affectionate words, etc. all fall under the category of affection. Harley says that the "typical male" sees affection as foreplay to sexual encounters and is normally aroused by affectionate physical gestures. A man who growls, 'I'm not the affectionate type' while reaching for his wife's body to satisfy his desires for sex, is missing a chance to meet one of her deepest needs.

#2 CONVERSATION:

We usually put our best foot forward before the marriage and are trying to get acquainted with each other as well as letting the other person know how much we like them. In order to do both, we are usually engaged in a lot of conversation. Long talks at night.
Long conversations on the telephone. Walks where we tell each other about ourselves.

After the wedding, we know about each other and the conversations we used to enjoy seem to be very limited or come to an end altogether. Harley says that men do not seem to need conversation, but women seem to enjoy conversation for its own sake. The most
satisfying conversation is one that focuses on getting to know each other, showing an interest in each other, and discussing topics of interest to both. It is important that she feel a genuine interest and caring for her.

Harley says that the average woman needs 15 hours of quality conversation a week.

#3 HONESTY AND OPENNESS:

"A sense of security is the bright golden thread woven through all of a woman's five basic needs…To feel secure, a wife must trust her husband to give her accurate information about his past, the present, and the future."

‎#4 FINANCIAL SUPPORT:

"Humorous anecdotes abound on women who marry men for their money, but my counseling experience has taught me not to treat this tendency as a joke. In truth, a woman does marry at man for his money -- at least she wants him to earn enough money to support her as well as (or better than) her father did when she was growing up."

#5 COMMITMENT TO FAMILY:

"A woman has a powerful instinct to create a strong family unit. They want their husbands to take a leadership role in the family and to be a
good father. This means having "good family time" and playing an active role in raising the children."



"The Top 5 Things a Man Needs in a Wife"

#1 SEXUAL FULFILLMENT:

‎" The typical wife doesn’t understand her husband's need for sex any more than the typical husband understands his wife's need for affection. This need in men is so strong that it must be satisfied -- in or out of the marriage. When a man binds himself in marriage, he makes the assumption that his wife will be available to him sexually. If that is not the case, it it sets the stage for an affair -- which will be destructive to the marriage."

#2 RECREATIONAL COMPANIONSHIP:

The need to have fun with his partner is the second need Harley identifies for men. As already stated, we often put our best foot forward in the courtship and this is another area where there may be disappointment after the "I do". "Why don't you do this with me anymore?" is a common lament. Harley cautions wives that having fun together doing the things that you both like is essential to the marriage. "Men place surprising importance on having their wives as recreational companions."

#3 AN ATTRACTIVE SPOUSE:

‎"A man with a need for an attractive spouse feels good whenever he looks at his attractive wife. In fact, that is what emotional needs are all about. When one of his emotional needs is met he feels fulfilled, and when it's not met, he feels frustrated. It may sound immature or superficial, but I've found that most men have a need for an attractive wife. They do not appreciate a woman for her inner qualities alone. They appreciate the way she looks."

#4 DOMESTIC SUPPORT:

He needs peace and quiet. There may be a cultural change/demand that says that men need to take more responsibility in the home for domestic chores, but most men are not embracing this change. The male has a deep need for his wife to "take care of things" -- especially take care of him.

#5 ADMIRATION/RESPECT:

HE NEEDS HER TO BE PROUD OF HIM
Why do males have this need? Admiration energizes and motivates a man and he often expects his wife to be his most ardent fan. He needs to be appreciated for what he IS, not for what he COULD BECOME. While criticism causes men to become defensive, his wife's encouragement enables him to become more confident and enables him to achieve far more.

ORDER YOUR COPY OF HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS HERE!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:

Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Web: http://www.markblowsminds.com

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Feeling Lost? Think "What Would Bear Grylls Do?"

Don’t Panic!

Experts will tell you that the number one reason people die when lost in the woods, jungle or desert is that they PANIC. This is just as true of people capsized from a boat, stuck in the path of a tornado or caught in the perfect storm of a mortgage crisis. Pick your example. If you are anything like me, as a real estate professional, there have been many times over the last year that I have felt alone, stranded and sometimes clueless. As the economy imploded around us, it often became difficult to figure out not how to thrive in these times, but just survive. The regular rules no longer apply when you’re not able to even figure out what game you’re playing.

When the regular rules don’t apply, we are all well-served to consult with people who have come through life threatening, fear-inducing and emotionally paralyzing circumstances. So, this article is about survival – how to stay in the game long enough to figure out your path back to thriving – how to make sure the wild doesn’t win. And who’s better to consult when it comes to survival strategy than the world’s most famous survivor, Bear Grylls?

Who is Bear Grylls?

C’mon! Really? If you have been living under a rock and have no idea of whom I’m writing, Bear Grylls is quite an interesting figure who is best known for his television series Man vs. Wild, shown on the Discovery Channel, and for being one the craziest sons-of-a-gun walking the planet. This man will drink or eat almost anything. After all, you’ve got to get your vitamins! (Pronounced with a short “I” sound and said very, very quickly.)

I came across his show a couple of years ago, purely by accident, and became mesmerized by this guy who seemed to be a real-life MacGyver. He could make a shelter out of leaves and toothpicks, make a raft out of trash and bones and make a meal out of some of the strangest and least appetizing plants and animals that God ever created. I developed a man-crush before the first episode was over and I was absolutely hooked. Bear could and would do anything it took to survive! Bear was, simply put, the Man.

Sure, his program is sensationalized, but it’s still impressive (and repulsive) to see a man gut a sheep, eat its eyeballs, make a water bottle out of its stomach and sleep in its skin. Therefore, not only as a fan of his work, but as deeply invested and committed real estate professional, it occurred to me that my life looks a lot like some of the episodes of Man vs. Wild that I had seen over the last couple of years.

It all got me pondering what Bear would do if he were in my position and how might his rules of survival apply to my life? So, I did some research…meaning that I watched some more television…to catalogue the most persistent rules of survival that Bear preaches. Then, I started looking at my experiences as an entrepreneur to find parallels and determine how much of his training and strategy I could apply to my own life. Here is what I believe he would tell you and me to do:

The Bear “Essentials”

1. Stop and get your bearings.

The first thing to do when you find yourself lost and feeling overwhelmed is to stop and figure out where you are – to the best of your ability. For a mortgage broker, this could mean spending a little extra time in the newspapers and online on the industry inside information sites trying to understand market trends a bit better. For me, it means taking a little extra time talking to my active lenders to hear where they feel like things are in the market.

2. Plan a route back to civilization.

The second thing to do is survey the landscape and chart your best path back to where you want to be. When talking with banks and lenders, ask them where they see the opportunities. Then look at your own practices to determine whether there are some adjustments that you can make to your business model or your marketing plan. Maybe there is a new approach that you can use in your targeted marketing?

3. As soon as you’ve determined your direction, get moving.

Once you have figured out which way you want to go, don’t waste any time – get moving! Standing still doesn’t do you any good and it can waste precious resources such as sunlight, supplies and emotional energy. Using the example of targeted marketing, an imperfect plan executed is going to be better for your bottom line than a perfect plan unexecuted. If you’ve decided to go after the multi-family market, start making some calls and writing some letters – today!

4. Find water and food from any source necessary. Maybe even eat some eyeballs.

You can’t afford to be picky when your alternative may be starvation. Perhaps it’s time to work with Clients that you would normally screen out? Maybe you can find work in another industry as you build your practice back up? Maybe it’s time to partner up with others seeking new opportunities, as well? In any regard, one of the most important rules in the wilderness is to get some nutrition. You’ve got to keep your strength up. You’re not out of the woods yet.

5. Make shelter and fire.

It might take you longer than you hoped to get back to a safe and prosperous place. When you see signs pointing that way, you may have to stop and make yourself shelter and fire so that you can stay warm and plan the next day’s movements. For mortgage professionals, this could mean reconnecting with old friends and joining some networking groups again. Gaining some encouragement, trading some war stories and – more important – some good tips for turning things better could mean the difference between being warmed or freezing out in the cold.

6. Avoid danger as you progress.

The woods are full of predators. It’s possible that there are more dangers lurking than ever before. It’s truly a wild landscape in real estate these days. Watch your step. Study more than you’ve ever studied. Do your best to read the signs further out ahead of your steps. It can be helpful to adopt again the mindset that you may have had when you first started: be curious, be cautious, but be excited again about relearning the pluses and pitfalls of your industry.

7. Master your emotions and try to enjoy a few thrills along your way.

It’s not going to be easy, but you can’t let yourself get down and stay down emotionally. Part of the art of survival is to try to make it a game. If you keep pressing on, each day can have its own small victories and joys. Everyone suffers losses in this business. You’re not unique. But you’ve got to celebrate the small victories to keep yourself in the game for the big wins to come.

For a number of business owners, these are very trying times. However, if you still love your work, you may be looking for ways to stay in as opposed to getting out. If I can be of any encouragement to you, it would be to continue to look for ways to serve customers and solve problems. There is no shortage of problems out there to solve, so the world is still in need of smart, talented and driven people to solve them. In doing so, I am confident that you will find your way out of the woods. When Bear makes it out of the woods, he usually ends the show with a huge shout for joy…a kind of rebel yell. I am looking forward to hearing yours!

Now, I want to hear from you. What are some survival tactics that you’ve used or seen that have worked well? Please email me. I am working on putting together a new guidebook for people like you and I who are always looking for better ways to get more customers. Also, if you ask, I will send you some bonus ideas that might work for you.


Mark Anthony McCray is the Founder of "Live BIG! Die Empty." a movement designed to help people live life more abundantly and walk in the purposes for which they were created. Write or call 832-566-2001 for more information and follow Mark on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/LiveBigDieEmpty.

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