4 Reasons You Should Be Sick of Relationship Gurus

I'm about finished with relationship advice. I'm done reading it.  I'm (almost) done giving it.  (Also, I am cranky today, so this will read like it.  Maybe I'll come back and edit one day soon?  Maybe not.)  If you can point me towards someone who is actually helping the cause towards people finding and maintain healthy and whole relationships, I will kindly change my tune.  However, most of what I see breaks down into two categories: "Single Folks Gonna Single" and "Wait. You're Married But Don't Want Me To Be?"

Group One consists primarily of single men and women who constantly commiserate (that means the gripe to one another) and share tips that will - inevitably - keep them all single and in the same situation.  Group Two consists of the married "guru" who doesn't seem to have anything to say that can help other people down that path.  They post from their blogs with their pics of their lovely spouse and children but communicate that it probably isn't possible for you to have that life yourself.  Hmmmm...

Anyway... I'm about sick of all of them.  I'm about sick of myself on this topic, too, which is why I rarely talk on it anymore even though I'm asked to interview about once a week.  Instead of my continuing to rant, let me share the main reasons I think you (as a person hopeful of having a happy and healthy relationship with a special person one day) should start tuning EVERYBODY out...

1. The Prevalence of the "Real Men/Women" Tagline.  Anything that uses "real men" and "real women" a lot is a turn-off to me already. It is judgmental.  People are not monolithic automatons behaving all in the same fashion.  There are few things that describe a "real" man or "real" woman in any tangible way beyond their genitals.  We are all always (hopefully) maturing and are somewhere along the road called sanctification.  As best I can tell, the only thing common to real men is not caring a whole lot about what others think a "real man" ought to be doing.

2. Most advice is dripping with low-expectations.  Most of what is out there would more encourage me to walk away from dealing with women (or men if I was a woman) altogether.  Nearly everything people do is viewed with skepticism.  My Lord! Is there anything good to say about people?  Is there anything but criticism and complaining?  I believe there are a lot of good, hard-working, courageous and well-intentioned men out there along with some charming, kind, gracious and spiritual women.  I must be the only one who thinks so.

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3. They only know one line.  I am tired of reading material that has its primary advice "Run!" when dealing with something you don't like. Even more so when they can't (or barely) tell anybody what to seek. It's just run from this... run from that... run, run, ruunnnnnn! etc.  I promise you.  This is firmly lodged in the "Single Folks Gonna Single" mentality.  So many darn red flags.  No green lights?  At all?  I believe we'd be much better off learning to focus on the good qualities of people.

4. It is self-centered and prideful. How about this? How can YOU see through some surface things and help that person mature? Maybe you can and should have some grace towards them?  Most advice continues the presumption that "your" guy or gal must come as a prepared, finished product or they are worthless to you. It ignores the reader's own shortcomings - which are many... being that the reader is a human, too.

5. Bonus.  Instead of wondering whether that person of interest is ready for YOU how about investigating whether you are ready for them?  Ask yourself these non-self-centered (gasp!) questions...

• Am I ready to place their needs above my own?
• Do I make them a better person?
• Am I willing to support their vision for their life?
• Do I have a vision for my own life?
• Do I add value to their life?

If you can say "Yes!" to these questions then maybe, maybe you're truly ready for a relationship.  Otherwise the other person may not be getting that great of a deal themselves.  Think about it.  At the end of the day, it is about sacrificing yourself for that other person's better good. If you can't (or won't) do that, you should be letting them go.  God loves them, too, right?

Either way, it seems to me that the best thing to do is to open your Bible to The Proverbs and start to study.  Also, find a few wise counselors with whom you can talk regularly in real life who have lives you want to emulate and disconnect from almost everything else... even me if you need to.  I won't be upset.  I'll celebrate when I see you out with that special person!



Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY.  Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://www.gigsalad.com/mark_anthony_mccray_houston

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8 Ways to Profit from #LinkedIn - the Forgotten(?) Social Network

I can't let this chance to invite you to connect with me on LinkedIn pass.  Can I?  LinkedIn boasts that it is the World's Largest Professional Network and... I can already tell some of you are yawning even as I imagine you reading this.  Alright.  I'll try to make it snappy, give you some good content and be about my business.

I know for a fact that a lot of you aren't even sure you've got a LinkedIn account up and running and half of you are neglecting yours.  Let's fix that.  I believe you are missing out on some huge opportunities to expand your business and career and here's how you can fix it.  Do these eight things today.

1.  Update your profile.  This should be your top priority. As your online resume, you want to include relevant information and your past experience that will help you stand out above your competitors. Include details that will make a prospective client want to work with you. Include a professional headshot and your current contact information. Grab your names.  If you haven’t already done this, get on LinkedIn and grab your name and your company name (they are more selective with these) and edit the URL on your profile so it reads with your actual name. If you leave what LinkedIn automatically does for you there will be lots of extra numbers and characters which confuse people.

2.  Always include a headshot.  This may appear to be obvious, but you often see pages without a picture. Unlike your Facebook page, this picture should be a little more “professional.” Obviously professional is defined differently based on you and your company, but use good judgment. Creativity can work, but can also backfire.  Generally, LinkedIn is NOT the place to express your creativity.  Use Twitter for that.  Or, even better, Facebook.

3.  Connect to all of your current contacts.  Build your own LinkedIn community by connecting with anyone and everyone you know. Use your Outlook or Gmail database to help. The more connections you have, the more secondary connections you will have, which will allow you to view more profiles, and expand your personal and corporate network.  This is a "dig your well before you're thirsty" kind of thing.  The time to network is before you need to network.  You never know who you'll meet online or whom you'll need to call on one day.

4.  Join groups.  Join groups that are applicable to your business and the connections you are trying to establish. Joining groups allows you to stay on top of market trends and important information within your field.  This is the best way to get your name out there in your field.  And don't just join.  Participate.  Talk.  Give feedback in discussions.  Post your blog articles.  Just don't spam.  Spamming will get your posts blocked or get you kicked out of groups.  You don't want that.  Trust me.

5.) Use LinkedIn as a prospecting tool.  Use LinkedIn as a “search engine.” Search for companies you are interested in, and then find out who the key personnel are. Once you find the right person, send them an email via LinkedIn. Often a message via LinkedIn comes off as warmer than a regular email. Additionally, your message won’t get mixed in with the 300 other emails that person receives daily.

6.) Get recommended by your customers.  A recommendation on LinkedIn is very powerful, and a great addition to your profile. It demonstrates to prospective clients that you are an expert in your field. Even a short paragraph of 100 words can have a powerful impact on your reputation. Encourage clients to recommend you; keeping in mind that a great way to get someone to recommend you, is to recommend them first. The positive energy they get from you may lead to them writing an even better recommendation for you.

7.) Expand your LinkedIn reach with Twitter.  There is a little checkbox at the bottom of your “Share an update” box that copies everything you share with your Connections to all of your Twitter followers.  Use it. Perhaps you've been wondering what else you can tweet about anyway.  Well, here you go!

8. Supercharge your Job Search.  Here's a bonus. If you're looking to use LinkedIn to improve your job search, check out these additional notes specific to helping boost your job search:

Here's a final encouragement for you if you're an online marketer.  I've always experienced better feedback (i.e., sales) from my LinkedIn community more so than from my Twitter or Google+ and, for some things, it's even better than Facebook.  My experience is that people come to LinkedIn expecting to do business as opposed to expecting to exchange recipes and cute videos of cats.  That's a powerful thing that you can put to use with just a little effort.

Good luck!




Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY.  Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://www.gigsalad.com/mark_anthony_mccray_houston

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6 Things to Do When You're Scared to Death

Have you every felt terrified about your life, your job, your future?  Come on.  Be honest.  I have.  I'll be honest.  I feel like I've had a long relationship with fear and worry.  I know what terror feels like.  It's a step beyond anxiety and two steps beyond just worrying.  Terror freezes you in your tracks.

The good news is I have finally divorced terror.  Of course, it keeps trying to come around, but we're not in a relationship anymore.  Fear doesn't live with me any longer.  Terror is a horrible thing and, as an entrepreneur/ministry worker/father/single parent you are going to deal with it from time to time until you learn how to press through it.  Here are some ways that I've learned how to keep going.

1.  Remember that YOU are a lion.  You have been given the gift to be bold as a lion.  The Word of God reminds Believers that your standing in God gives you permission to stand and not retreat.  What enemy should make you turn back? Nothing! Timidity is not your birthright so don't claim it.

2.  Change the story you tell yourself.  Pick a power statement that you can rehearse to yourself again and again.  You have got to stop reading the bad news to yourself about yourself.  You are NOT helping anything.  You're only dragging yourself down further.  Remind yourself  "I can do this."  "I can make it through this."  "This is not the final page in my story."  "I will win in the end."

3.  Do not allow yourself to be broken.  The Bible tells you over and over not to be dismayed.  To be dismayed means to be cast down, broken or shattered.  Discouragement happens.  That is a natural part of life.  Don't let your troubles break you.  Your enemy wants you broken.  Your enemy wants you to stay down.  He knows you'll win in the end if only you don't quit.

4.  Command yourself to be grateful and not worry.  Literally sit down and count your blessings.  Make a list.  Are you listening to me?  I'm saying actually take out a sheet of paper and remind yourself of all the great things in your life that you know you didn't and don't deserve.  If you are honest, you will admit there are many of them.  Being grateful is a great way to rid yourself of worries.

5.  Brainstorm solutions.  I learned this from Brian Tracy.  Sit down and think of twenty actions you can take right now to change your situation.  The first five will be easy.  The second five might take you a minute.  Then the work really begins.  Press through until you have at least twenty options in front of you on a sheet of paper.

6.  Take an action.  If you're really going to be bold, take several.  Go through the list you just made and find something you can do right now.  It doesn't matter if it's large or small.  What truly matters is that you make a decision and act on it.  Your intention is to start a virtuous cycle.

I hope you can use one or two of these to help you in your walk.  Stop allowing fear to paralyze and depress you.  You will find out (as I did) that every worry is valuable energy wasted.  I want to see you grab hold of God's best for your life.  I'm in the battle with you.  Let's win this thing!

Are you looking for more guidance on building and expanding your business or just getting some clarity in your life to improve your personal productivity?  Do you want to join a like-mined group of professionals where you can learn to press through your goals together?  Check out my Peak Performance Group Coaching.  It could be the place for you to start making real progress towards your most important goals.

Now, tell me something... how have YOU learned to press through fear?

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY.  Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!



He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://www.gigsalad.com/mark_anthony_mccray_houston

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