The Top 5 Things a Man Needs in a Wife

Continuing the discussion started in this blog on The Top 5 Things a Woman Needs in a Husband!


"The Top 5 Things a Man Needs in a Wife"

#1 SEXUAL FULFILLMENT:

‎" The typical wife doesn’t understand her husband's need for sex any more than the typical husband understands his wife's need for affection. This need in men is so strong that it must be satisfied -- in or out of the marriage. When a man binds himself in marriage, he makes the assumption that his wife will be available to him sexually. If that is not the case, it it sets the stage for an affair -- which will be destructive to the marriage."

#2 RECREATIONAL COMPANIONSHIP:

The need to have fun with his partner is the second need Harley identifies for men. As already stated, we often put our best foot forward in the courtship and this is another area where there may be disappointment after the "I do". "Why don't you do this with me anymore?" is a common lament. Harley cautions wives that having fun together doing the things that you both like is essential to the marriage. "Men place surprising importance on having their wives as recreational companions."

#3 AN ATTRACTIVE SPOUSE:

‎"A man with a need for an attractive spouse feels good whenever he looks at his attractive wife. In fact, that is what emotional needs are all about. When one of his emotional needs is met he feels fulfilled, and when it's not met, he feels frustrated. It may sound immature or superficial, but I've found that most men have a need for an attractive wife. They do not appreciate a woman for her inner qualities alone. They appreciate the way she looks."

#4 DOMESTIC SUPPORT:

He needs peace and quiet. There may be a cultural change/demand that says that men need to take more responsibility in the home for domestic chores, but most men are not embracing this change. The male has a deep need for his wife to "take care of things" -- especially take care of him.

#5 ADMIRATION/RESPECT:

HE NEEDS HER TO BE PROUD OF HIM
Why do males have this need? Admiration energizes and motivates a man and he often expects his wife to be his most ardent fan. He needs to be appreciated for what he IS, not for what he COULD BECOME. While criticism causes men to become defensive, his wife's encouragement enables him to become more confident and enables him to achieve far more.

Read More

The Top 5 Things a Woman Needs in a Husband!

A number of people have asked me about the book I referenced previously and often, "His Needs, Her Needs" so here's a PSA.  You can click below and order it right from here!  After you read it, tell me what you think about it!  Share your thoughts with me on Facebook:

He Who Finds a Wife & Be Worth Finding for ongoing talk about relationship issues from a Christian perspective!!!

So...let's get to it!  From "His Needs, Her Needs" by Dr. Willard Harley...

"The Top 5 Things a Woman Needs in a Husband"

#1 AFFECTION:

"Physical affection symbolizes security, protection, comfort, and approval."

Affection is important in its own right and it has nothing to do with sex. Affection says "I Love You" without "I Lust For You." Hugs, kisses, hand-holding, touches, gifts, back rubs, affectionate words, etc. all fall under the category of affection. Harley says that the "typical male" sees affection as foreplay to sexual encounters and is normally aroused by affectionate physical gestures. A man who growls, 'I'm not the affectionate type' while reaching for his wife's body to satisfy his desires for sex, is missing a chance to meet one of her deepest needs.

#2 CONVERSATION:

We usually put our best foot forward before the marriage and are trying to get acquainted with each other as well as letting the other person know how much we like them. In order to do both, we are usually engaged in a lot of conversation. Long talks at night.
Long conversations on the telephone. Walks where we tell each other about ourselves.

After the wedding, we know about each other and the conversations we used to enjoy seem to be very limited or come to an end altogether. Harley says that men do not seem to need conversation, but women seem to enjoy conversation for its own sake. The most
satisfying conversation is one that focuses on getting to know each other, showing an interest in each other, and discussing topics of interest to both. It is important that she feel a genuine interest and caring for her.

Harley says that the average woman needs 15 hours of quality conversation a week.

#3 HONESTY AND OPENNESS:

"A sense of security is the bright golden thread woven through all of a woman's five basic needs…To feel secure, a wife must trust her husband to give her accurate information about his past, the present, and the future."

‎#4 FINANCIAL SUPPORT:

"Humorous anecdotes abound on women who marry men for their money, but my counseling experience has taught me not to treat this tendency as a joke. In truth, a woman does marry at man for his money -- at least she wants him to earn enough money to support her as well as (or better than) her father did when she was growing up."

#5 COMMITMENT TO FAMILY:

"A woman has a powerful instinct to create a strong family unit. They want their husbands to take a leadership role in the family and to be a
good father. This means having "good family time" and playing an active role in raising the children."

You can order your copy of this great resource here!

Read More

How Deeply Did You Look? by Richard "Big Rich" Evans

I'm honored to have this submission from Guest Blogger, Richard "BigRich" Evans!! Here you go!!! This was originally posted on his blog here: BLOG POST!

I remember when my daughter was several years younger she would always mention to me that she felt that I was not dating the right type of woman for who she saw me as being. Her comment was that I tended to date big women when in her eyes I was much too attractive for that. I always told her that when I set out to find someone I never worried as much about how they were built as much as I was concerned about how they treated me and mine.

I have come to realize that America has tried to brainwash people into what mainstream society considers to be important. Never mind that not every woman has long legs, a short torso, is thin and has amazing curves and looks. Now I am certain that if given enough time and money, almost any woman could acquire some of those things, but that defies the laws the nature. We did not all come out of the womb perfect and to be honest, that was by design. If we lived in a land of utopia and every person was gorgeous, would that really improve the quality of life? Would poverty, hunger, racism and sexism end because everyone was pretty? I think not.

So for me, I was never the one to get caught up on her body type as long as she had curves. Was not one to get that deep into looks as long as she was not hideous. So in other words, an average woman by societies standards who happened to have great personality and ability was perfect for me.

Too often now, we want a woman/man to look and act a certain way and to have certain things. Oftentimes, we do not have the companion components to what we want. So if the person we are wanting has all the things we want but yet they do not see any of what they want in us, NOTHING is happening.

Now I am not saying that I want everyone to run out and search for average or to even be content with average. No, average works only with certain things and those that are average have to be above average in other areas. But if we ourselves are average and not above average in some areas, we need to do a self assessment.

Look beyond the body, the height and the face. Look towards the personality, the heart and the mind of others. After all, looks are what can get you shot dead in the streets, but your personality may just keep you alive.

Read More

Join us for the first Christian Relationship Roundtable & Mixer!!!

Join us at the Christian Relationship Roundtable presented by Mark Anthony McCray of Live BIG! Die Empty. on Friday, December 2 from 6PM to 8PM at Java Hut.  The theme for the event will be "10 Things a Woman Must Consider About a Man Before Becoming Seriously Involved" and will be an evening of great fellowship, fun and refreshments!

After countless hours of prayer and planning and advertising, I am excited to say that we are ready!!!! It is going to be an incredible evening with some of the most incredible people in the Houston area!  The Crystal Monae will also be there sharing her words of wisdom.

We are going to have music, awesome food and drink, fun and learn a lot as we:

1 - Provide opportunities for unmarried adults to meet and fellowship with other Christians
2 - Address issues that are pertinent and unique to Christian Singles
3 - To edify the saints so they are healed, blessed and ready for relationship success

All single adults (never married, divorced, widowed) are welcomed and encouraged to attend!  Trust me.  You won't want to miss this, guys and ladies.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!! Please be in prayer for those attending and those participating in the event. May God Be Glorified and may people be healed and blessed!  Be sure to check out our Facebook sites for more information about this and future events:

https://www.facebook.com/LiveBigDieEmpty
https://www.facebook.com/HeWhoFindsAWife
https://www.facebook.com/BeWorthFinding

Capacity is limited.  Be sure to save your space by registering TODAY!!

http://christianrelationshipevents.eventbrite.com/

Read More

Too Many *!@#$^& Friends!!!

Is it time to clean up your "Friends" list?

It was for me. I finally got to the point where Facebook was stopping me from "liking" any more pages, accepting any more friends. Basically, I was in social media jail! If you can't even join YOUR OWN new page, you've got too many connections! If were to Unlike my favorite page for any reason, I couldn't add it back. It was time for me to clean house. Maybe it is for you, too? Here's how I approached it!

The first thing I chose to do is eliminate business, ministry and "cause" pages so that I'm focused more on relating to actual people. You'll be surprised how many untended pages you might be connected to. Also, when you go through your list you'll see a lot of people have duplicate profiles. Housecleaning was much needed for me! I had sent Friend Requests to so many people with cute faces that I would never meet, wasn't interested in meeting and often didn't even speak English.

I went through a phase where I "friended" and accepted requests from almost ANYBODY. I guess I felt like I was getting my name out there. You may have done the same. The funny thing is this: my connections with real people have exploded over the last several days after doing a little bit of housecleaning. That means I was probably missing some real connections in the cluttler of my newsfeed and pages.

There are studies out there that say we can only truly manage 150 online relationships anyway. Therefore, the focus should be on building the best, most fruitful, most fulfilling 150 we can!! That's my new goal...wonderful relationships with more of the right people!

Blessings!

Read More

Walking Funny: "Encourage My Brothers" Version

I was out looking at real estate recently. The agent was walking me to look at condos but she had a funny way of walking. As I followed behind her, I found her extremely difficult to follow because she kind of stopped and started and even swung her legs in a way that it looked like she was about to change directions. To say it was frustrating would be an understatement!  I am a naturally fast walker. I almost ran over her at least twice!  She had said the unit was towards the back of the property but didn't tell me where. I wasn't sure where we were going or I might have gone ahead or walked in front.

Imagine trying to follow or even walk with someone when you aren't sure what direction they're going even moment to moment? I'm still mad thinking about it. I never called her back if I'm honest about it. I really don't want to deal with that stress.  Maybe I'm making too much of it, but you weren't there!

Anyway, here's the point to my true story: do the people around you - those relying upon you for direction - know what direction you're going?  Do you look like you're going one way and then swing back the other at the last second?  As men, it's time to stop limping between two opinions, two ways of thinking about ourselves and our God, two ways of thinking about our visions.  We have to get off the fence because there are people counting on us for direction.  There are people who would help us if they only knew where we needed help.  I believe setting direction and casting vision are unique responsibilities of men and in line with the way the Lord has designed us at our core.  Let's not be afraid of that.  Let's take courage and make more decisions.  There is so much power in the simple statement: I'm going this way!  

Do people even know your intended destination?  If not, they might be feeling pretty frustrated right now.  Those who love us are waiting on some of us to have an "...as for me and my house" moment!  I'm sure they love you, so they aren't mad at you.  They might even want to help you get there.  But they have a hard time when you're walking funny instead of walking straight.

Read More

Walking Funny

I was out looking at real estate recently. The agent was walking me to look at condos but she had a funny way of walking. As I followed behind her, I found her extremely difficult to follow because she kind of stopped and started and even swung her legs in a way that it looked like she was about to change directions. To say it was frustrating would be an understatement!  I am a naturally fast walker. I almost ran over her at least twice!  She had said the unit was towards the back of the property but didn't tell me where. I wasn't sure where we were going or I might have gone ahead or walked in front.

Imagine trying to follow or even walk with someone when you aren't sure what direction they're going even moment to moment? I'm still mad thinking about it. I never called her back if I'm honest about it. I really don't want to deal with that stress.  Maybe I'm making too much of it, but you weren't there!

Anyway, here's the point to my true story: do the people around you - those relying upon you for direction - know what direction you're going?  Do you look like you're going one way and then swing back the other at the last second? Do people even know your intended destination?  If not, they might be feeling pretty frustrated right now. I'm sure they love you, so they aren't mad. They might even want to help you get there.  But they have a hard time when you're walking funny instead of walking straight.

Read More

My Motivation

Here's part of my own motivation. I talk a lot about what I believe to be God's calling and imprint on our lives...mine included. However, let me live up to what I tweeted recently and be even more honest and transparent. I want my children to know me as a man who always did the most he could with what he had. I don't want them to feel like I wasted opportunity or money or life. Further, I want them to see me as a living example - an epistle, if you will - to which they can aspire.

I chose an entrepreneurial path because I wanted them to see that as an option for their own lives. That motivated me to launch out when my oldest daughter was around four years old. I didn't want my daughters to have any recollection of their father doing anything except diligently maximizing his time and opportunities - for better or worse. That's pretty much the bottom line.

Entrepreneurship isn't for everyone. Much of it may not be for me! Still, I never wanted them to know me as a man who gave up or settled. No settling! Not ever! I have often felt like I've failed my girls as a man and father. Perhaps other parents have felt the same way? It probably comes with the territory. I don't know. What I do know is I want them to know me as a man who gave all he had - every day.

That's my motivation.

Read More

How am I doing? Honestly?

One of the things that amazes me the most is how people don't allow me to have moods, bad days or even be angry about anything. Nothing! I love social media and engaging people. I don't consider myself a very private person and don't mind sharing what's on my mind. What's funny, however, is how people react (over-react?) whenever I post a Status Update that says anything except "I'm happy, happy, happy, happy, happy!"

Come on, folks.

I'm kind of pissed about it really. If I say anything about having a hard day, being mad about something, being tired or stressed, people freak out. Some even say stuff like "You're better than that!" or something else that suggests that I'm not supposed to be human or a common man. Some people get mad at me. They tend to forget that 99% of the time I reveal something negative, I'm also saying I'm taking it to God in prayer. They say things like "How am I supposed to make it through the day when you aren't encouraging me?!"

People! Christ is there for you and He neither sleeps nor slumbers. I do. Mr. "Live BIG! Die Empty." needs some zzzz's right now.

This is part of the pressure that makes public figures feel like retreating into sex, drugs and deviant behavior. Don't worry. I'm not going that direction. But I see how some of these things happen. People feel pressure to be perfect and if/when they're not, people come down on them HARD!

This is the same stuff that hinders people from getting real deliverance from their problems. You ask someone how they're doing and - especially if they're a Christian - they're supposed to say "I'm blessed and highly favored of the Lord!!" all the time, every time, no exceptions! They are slow to say, "Hey, would you pray for me when you think of it. This is a tough season." You don't want to sound unspiritual.

So...how am I doing? I'm great. Not in a happy talk way. I'm doing fine. I'm tired, however. It's been a long week. I feel like I've been in a boxing match physically and emotionally. It's probably time for a vacation and certainly time for a breakthrough in some areas. I need to take some courageous chances. Look for that from me. I'll be sticking my neck out there even more over the next several weeks.

Pray for me. E-mail me your prayer request, too. I'd be glad to pray for you! I'm going to get a cup of coffee and dive into my e-mails now. Thanks for the therapy session. I'm done complaining. I'm blessed and highly favored!!

Read More

7 Ways to Make Social Media Work Harder for You

1. First of all, you want to make sure you've created and updated profiles on all of the most popular social media sites. If you have, you want to connect to well-connected people so the power of their networks will begin to work for you. The most popular, of course, is Facebook...by far. But there's also LinkedIn, Twitter and the fast-growing Google+. Here are links to connect with me. I'd be proud to know you and I share tips and resources all the time!

Mark Anthony McCray on Facebook
Mark Anthony McCray on Twitter
Mark Anthony McCray on LinkedIn
Mark Anthony McCray on Google+

2. You will want to create a page for your business if you don't have one. It's easy. Facebook shows you how. Then invite your current contacts to connect with you. You can email all of your non-Facebook contacts and invite them to "Like" your Facebook fan or business page! Here's how:

1. Click on "Edit Page" to the upper right once you are on your business page.
2. On the left, you will see a menu of options. Click on "Resources"
3. You will see a few more options to the right. Click on "Tell Your Fans"
4. You will see options to contact your Yahoo!, Comcast, AOL and other address books there.
5. You can also contact up to 5000 people from your Outlook Address Book if you choose "Other Tools" and upload your Outlook address book. LinkedIn is one of your options, as well!

Good luck! This should help your social media marketing be more successful if you can reconnect with people who you've known and done business with outside of Facebook!

3. Once you have reached 25 connections on your Facebook page, Facebook allows you to shorten the domain to something more attractive. Use this link to shorten your web domains on Facebook: http://facebook.com/username and be selective. You can only do this once.

4. You can use a site like Fiverr.com to have some graphics made for you such as logos and product mock-ups. There are dozens of artists and other regular people who will do all kinds of neat things for you for only $5. I've used it myself several times with great results!

5. Did you know you can download a copy of everything you've ever posted on Facebook? I just did and I have a file of all my Status Updates, etc since 2008! This is a great things because I am going to be able to go back and capture some of the best stuff for use in my blogs and other writings! If you click on "Account Settings" on your Home page, you'll see an option to "Download a copy" of your Facebook data. Just follow the instructions and you'll receive an email with a backup copy of all your photos, messages, status updates and more shortly.

6. I may be the last person to discover this, but if you add Klout for Google Chrome to your browser (assuming you use Chrome, as I do) it shows you everyone's Klout score as you Tweet. Your's too! Klout at the Chrome Webstore I like it because watching my score touches my competitive side and, more importantly, keeps me accountable to stay engaged with my contacts.

7. FINALLY....Join my Facebook Experts Group....If you are a writer, speaker, coach, trainer, author or ANYTHING that fits into the "Expert" market space, you need to be a part of this group! Nothing against motivational quotes and scriptures, but that's not what this group is for. This group is all about "shop talk" and exchanging tips, resources, etc. that will HELP YOU BUILD YOUR BUSINESS.

Join us and please add someone else who you think will be a great resource and/or recipient! The philosophy of this page is simple...if you know where the water is, point it out to other thirsty folks!!!

Read More