S-E-X (Part One)

Confession...there really isn't a Part Two yet, but people always send me questions and comments after I post about sex, so I'm allowing myself a placeholder!

When I wrote about the Top 5 Needs for men, some people were shocked to see "Sexual Fulfillment" at the top of the list. Guys cheered! Some women felt demeaned. Some responded with a loud "Amen!" Mostly, I get questions from women asking "what is good sex to a man?"

As a reminder, here's a portion of what Dr. Harley wrote before:

"The typical wife doesn’t understand her husband's need for sex any more than the typical husband understands his wife's need for affection. This need in men is so strong that it must be satisfied -- in or out of the marriage. When a man binds himself in marriage, he makes the assumption that his wife will be available to him sexually. If that is not the case, it it sets the stage for an affair -- which will be destructive to the marriage."

In fact, I was in a conversation about this just the other day. I think sex is so important to a man than he only has two options if he isn't getting good sex at home: get it elsewhere or wish he was getting it elsewhere and live a miserable life. It is much, much easier for a woman to live a sexless life and be content. It is much, much easier for men to be manipulated by sexual desire. So much so that a lot of men are just ticking time bombs if his need isn't being addressed at home.

But what is good sex?

I can summarize my theory of good sex to a man for his wife in one sentence: Most husbands want their wives to be about five times freakier than they are right now. Period. Five times. He just doesn't know how to tell you. However freaky you think you are right now, multiply it and you'll be closer to what he desires. It's not about frequency all of the time. It's about unrestrained enthusiasm. He doesn't need it every day if he can remember the last time for a week!

Allison Armstrong said good sex is the best 15 minutes a married woman can invest into her life. It improves the marriage, the family, the finances and your spiritual lives all at once...and doesn't take that much work on her part.

I agree 100%!!!

Now...here's another good point about sex. Dr. James Dobson said a couple who isn't having sex at least three times a week is LAZY!

So get on your jobs!!! LOL

Seriously. There was a couple who wrote a book about having sex every day for a year. I think he's somewhere on an IV drip now, but I applaud the effort! Not sure I could go there, but once a month ain't going to work either.

So this is for the married couples obviously so far. If you are single and want to make sure your married sex is terrible, keep having sex right now. Or, you can keep your pants up and you'll send me a "thank you" later. You're welcome.

Send me some questions...let me know what we can write about. This is fun!

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What Does a Good Man Look Like?

This post was written much later in the day than I normally post. I've struggled with the thought about how to identity a good man - and how to help men develop into better men. I wanted to lean on the scriptures very heavily and provide kind of a 1-2-3 roadmap to becoming a better man, a man of God. I feel like I failed. I've spent a couple of days going through stories about Ahab and Boaz and David and Joseph and Solomon and others. I've read about unnamed prophets, kings and other representatives of the kingdom of God for models.

I found a lot of deeply flawed characters.

In fact, only Joseph gets away without any criticism. Even then, a lot of modern teachers will try to inject some into his story and find fault where the Bible doesn't indicate any. Yet even looking at Abraham, Moses, Isaac, Jacob, David, etc., you find a lot of despicable acts, doubts, crimes and general nastiness. It's really remarkable how God used so many folks who had so skeletons in their closets.

That's where I finally found my definition of a "good man" that I could go with. Because what is the common denominators between all these men? What qualities bind them together in the history of the faith? Maybe if we can hone in on a few of them, we can learn more about what it is to be a true man of God in our times?

1. A good man follows God's purpose for their lives no matter the cost. A good man will pass up temptations to get off path with his life. He will be focused. He will be determined to do what the Lord has placed on his heart. This is not about ministry; it's about purpose. It's about design. A good man will fight to be who he was created to be. It might look ugly, but he will be unbending and that is admirable.

2. A good man walks in humility. The bottom line is most good men don't consider themselves to be that good. If you find a guy who's committed to pronounce his own greatness, I'd advise you to run the other way! I've said it before, a proud man doesn't learn and he sure doesn't care about receiving advice. He won't listen to his wife, either. Chuck Swindoll once said that a man who won't listen to a godly wife is a fool. I agree. A good man listens to wise counsel.

3. A good man never gives up on God or themselves. A good man keeps going even when suffering setbacks. You see, when you go through the life stories of the patriarchs you see as much failure as you see success. One thing you never see is quitting. You'll see repentance and promises made to the Lord to be better and do better - even remorse up until their deaths in some cases. A man of God doesn't stay down when knocked down or when he falls. He doesn't stay down when it's his own failing that put him down. A good man gets up tomorrow.

When you have such a man, you have someone special. He'll still screw up, disappoint you, forget important dates, act insensitive. What he won't do is stop trying to get better. He may not be Prince Charming. But Prince Charming is a fairy tale. Real men have done and still do nasty things from time to time. But praise God for them. We need them and their energy and their drive and their courage more than ever.

Even with all that said, I'm sure most of our readers care most about where these men are hiding. Another day...

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5 "Green Lights" for Men!

I tend to write most (and best) when I'm perturbed about something. Today is one of those days! What has me sitting here in wonderful Houston, Texas fuming? Red flags!! Red flags everywhere! Everywhere you turn, relationship gurus, coaches and experts are blogging and speaking about "red flags" - their tired way of talking about qualities you should look out for in the opposite sex to tell you to STOP!!!

I hate it. I hate it. I can't say that enough. Too much negativity!! Too many reasons to tell people to back out of relationships. Too damned many out clauses! I hate it. I'm tired of it. It's crap and it's killing healthy relationships to have people focused so many on warning signs instead of talking about what to look for - the green lights!

Let me get to the point. Here are things I believe a man should be looking for in a woman. I've keep it general for the most part so as to not descend into something that looks like a too personal wish list. I've written about the "lists" that men and women create before! I'll cover the other side next - what qualities we men should be developing in ourselves.

Here's my list. I had help. Based on what I've studied in God's Word, here are some things to seek out in a woman and reasons to proceed!! I wrote a little on this yesterday and I have a little more to add. Tomorrow, I'll be writing about what to look for in a man!

1. A Humble Servants Heart (Rebekah) - I've written about this before because I love her story. Rebekah demonstrated so much heart, humility and generosity that it impressed me tremendously. This has become one of the things I most look for and most admire in women.

2. Courage to Take Risks (Rahab) - Is any woman from the Old Testament mentioned as much in the New Testament as Rahab? I'll have to check. She was promised that she'd be famous for the ages for her courage and she is! She laid everything on the line to follow God's plan and it became salvation for her and for all of us! (This is Boaz' mom, by the way!)

3. Diligence (The Virtuous Wife) - An organized industrious woman is a rare jewel to find! No offense to anyone reading, but I've found the Proverbs 31 woman hype to be out of control. So much self-labeling from my sisters... I guess I'm okay with it from an aspirational point of view. She sets a high standard for sure. I've always appreciated her example.

4. Strong in the Faith (Timothy's Mother) - Timothy might be the only person (certainly in the New Testament) who's encouraged to live up to the faith of his mother!! In 2 Timothy 1:5 how powerful of Paul to recognize Timothy's mother and grandmother! It also shows that it is very possible for a woman to help raise her sons right since there is no evidence of Timothy's father being around or a factor in his development. Some suggest this is why Paul is drawn to him so much. But even Paul reminds his protege of the example shown to him by his matriarchs.

5. Respect (Sarah) - The Bible says (Peter, in fact, instead of the so-called misogynistic Paul) that Sarah obeyed Abraham...calling him lord. I know very few like that scripture but I didn't make it up. It's in there! In context, we see that Peter knows that this kind of reverence is a scary thing - and the right thing. A single woman should not be "obeying" a single man. A married woman shouldn't be deferring to anyone except her OWN husband. Still, we can see whether any of these things are going to be a problem long before marriage if we have any discernment.

Also, what's really a red flag anyway? I'd be willing to bet that most of the things labeled as such are "pink" at best - things that can be worked out, talked through or just ignored after a while. I challenge the definition at it's core. Think about it. Don't you get to a better place anyway if you become more focused on identifying the genuine instead of spotting a fake? You'll also appreciate what you have more when you find it.

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Testimony from a reader: "The Courage to Leave Someone Behind"

We wanted to share this testimony from one of our readers...


Hi Mark,

I read your response! Thanks for that perspective. As I read that response, I was drawn to another link (Day 5 of the series 31 Days to Healthier Relationships- "The Courage To Leave Someone Behind") you posted on your page because it was something I had to do recently.

Talk about the Lord speaking to me through scripture, a dream, wise counsel, prayer and fasting....all of which confirmed what I knew I had to do in my heart. Believe me, it was not easy. We had been friends for almost 4 years and there was potential for marriage and all that, but he "could not hear from God" and wasn't ready to commit to me.

Another issue was that we operated under the guise of "best friends" but everything about our interactions was more like people in a relationship. It was a convoluted bundle of emotional confusion, constant need to establish boundaries, take breaks, etc... What kind of friendship needs all of that?

So I got the courage to end the friendship entirely. I am in a new season, new city, new career and I just felt it in my heart that I can't bring the old with me. Based on our cycle of dysfunction, I knew that we would have an argument or something irritating would happen at least within 2-3 months.

One of the scriptures that spoke to me was 1 Corinthians 13:11 - when I was child, I spoke and thought like a child.....but now that I am [grown] I put away childish things". Then also Hebrews 12: 1- 3 "Cast aside every weight and every sin that snares....and run the race that is set before you..." The final scripture that God spoke was in Genesis 20, when God asked Abram to sacrifice Issac on the altar. I am doing a one year bible study and how about the day I was scheduled to read Genesis 20, I just "so happened" to be talking about that passage with a friend earlier that day? I didn't know what was next in my study...but when I turned to it, there it was....

After I made the decision, I then saw a series of teachings and messages that helped to confirm and encourage me in my decision. Your reference to Abram and Lot was among the scriptures that I saw AFTER I made the decision to obey God. You are actually the 2nd person I know of that used that scripture to explain when God calls for a divine separation. The first person was Pastor Toure Roberts...

This word blessed my socks off because it was confirmation. So your blog was definitely confirmation.

I tell you, I am learning the blessing in obedience! Even when Saul tried to bring a sacrifice to the Lord, Samuel rebuked him saying "obedience is better than sacrifice" meaning - the highest form of worship in God's eyes is obedience. He doesn't care about your songs, your monetary offerings, etc. more than he does our obedience. If we will obey God completely, it will bring us the greatest outcome. When I look back at the last 2 years of my life and the friendship I had, to be honest, I would not have missed anything. There was no good fruit from our friendship the last 2 years and if I had obeyed God the first time he spoke to my heart, I could have saved myself a lot of time, energy and heartache. But I thank God.....I learned my lesson with a counterfeit and not the real thing!

I heard a word of encouragement just this past Sunday on the topic of mistakes. The pastor referenced Peter in the text and the fact that God knew he was going to fail (where Jesus said "Satan wants to sift you like wheat") but still designed his future/destiny knowing that the mistake would be made, yet gave him a favorable outcome (e.g. became an apostle of the gospel). The clincher in the message was that Jesus said, in reference to the mistake, - "I pray that your faith will not fail you". I am not doing this message any justice in the simple way I am writing it, but I hope you can see what I am trying to say.

Alright! Thanks again for your blog. Leaving behind friendship and relationships are not easy....but indeed they are necessary at times....

God Bless.

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An Honest Letter to My Sisters

from Mark Anthony McCray

I wasn't going to post on this today.

I had an online conversation last night and seeing the posts on Be Worth Finding and He Who Finds a Wife this morning steered me in this direction. Frankly, I struggled to sleep last night because I have so much on my mind these days about so many issues. This is one of them. I hear you loud and clear! Many of my sisters in Christ want to be married. You want a husband. I want to tell all of you that your day is coming, but I know that's not true. Statistically, many of you will not get married...or remarried. That's just a fact. If you're already 35 or older, the chances fall waaaaaaaay down if you believe the reports. I do.

However, I don't believe the statistics have to apply to YOU if you get what I'm saying. Just because something is true on the global level doesn't mean it has to be true on the individual level. I believe there are attitudes and dispositions that can make a woman much more likely to be courted by a good man for a serious marital commitment. LOL That's a lot of words to say "a good man will cherish you enough to propose" I guess!

I've written about this before and I'm going back to it again. If you look at Genesis 24, you'll find the story of Abraham and Isaac in terms of the decision being made to find Isaac a wife. Looking at verses 1-14 you'll find Abraham sending his servant out to look for a good woman. Interesting. Even more interesting is that the servant was wise enough to ask God what to look for in a woman. I love it! Let's look at what happens...

Rebekah Is Chosen

15 Before he had finished speaking, behold, Rebekah who was born to Bethuel the son of Milcah, the wife of Abraham's brother Nahor, came out with her jar on her shoulder.
16 The girl was very beautiful, a virgin, and no man had had relations with her; and she went down to the spring and filled her jar and came up.
17 Then the servant ran to meet her, and said, "Please let me drink a little water from your jar."
18 She said, "Drink, my lord"; and she quickly lowered her jar to her hand, and gave him a drink.
19 Now when she had finished giving him a drink, she said, "I will draw also for your camels until they have finished drinking."
20 So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, and ran back to the well to draw, and she drew for all his camels.
21 Meanwhile, the man was gazing at her in silence, to know whether the LORD had made his journey successful or not.
22 When the camels had finished drinking, the man took a gold ring weighing a half-shekel and two bracelets for her wrists weighing ten shekels in gold,
23 and said, "Whose daughter are you? Please tell me, is there room for us to lodge in your father's house?"
24 She said to him, "I am the daughter of Bethuel, the son of Milcah, whom she bore to Nahor."
25 Again she said to him, "We have plenty of both straw and feed, and room to lodge in."
26 Then the man bowed low and worshiped the LORD.

What a story! There is so much that impresses me here as we look at how Rebekah became one of the matriarchs of the faith. There is so much here that, I believe, applies to us today. Many women are attractive, but very few will gain the attention of a quality man - the kind of man they say they want. Rebekah did, however. That's why I love her story. Here are some of the things I've picked up from her tale:

1. Rebekah was not actively out looking for a man. She wasn't trying to be found. She wasn't attending seminars on how to be sexier. She wasn't interested in running game on the playas. Rebekah was about her own business...

2. Rebekah was approachable. It would have been well within her abilities to totally ignore the servant. She also wasn't haughty. She didn't go with the "how dare you" routine or make it hard to learn about her personal life (within reason) even...

3. Rebekah was generous. The servant didn't approach until she had her water already...yet she didn't tell him "go get your own" but she shared what was hers...

4. Rebekah was consumed with service. She went beyond "beyond" by serving his camels. She didn't say "here's my jar. Do it yourself. I'm tired!" But she far exceeded the call. As a point of fact, the Bible says she went about helping quickly and even ran! How many people do you see who run to help someone else?

What was the result? Stunned silence at first. Worshipping God in thanks at the last. What was her outcome? Stability, wealth and a place among the great Matriarchs of the faith.

Forgive the extra-long blog. I just thought it was interesting. I am not suggesting that you let dudes live with you on your couch, pay for all your dates or loan Pookie some cash until he gets on his feet. HOWEVER...There is a LOT to be said for a woman who is kind, giving, patient and concerned for someone's well-being outside of her own. That's all I'm saying. I think this story is a tremendous model. A gentle smile and a little kindness will go a long way. Men are always watching and assessing. Just like the Servant. What do men see when they look at you?

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Day Fifteen: "A Heart For Service"

By Melissa Rich

“God's people are called the humble themselves and take the place of humble service in The Kingdom. We are called to serve others, not ask to be served by others…We are called to let God love others through us. Jesus was the perfect example of what a humble servant leader looks like.” Jess P.

“Now that I, Your Lord & Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them." -John 13:14-17(NIV)

How much more should we exemplify this in our marriage? I am going to speak to women because I am a woman. Much of this can apply to men as well but this one is primarily for women…again.

PURE HEART

I have focused a lot on the “heart” lately in my posts. Actually, I have focused on heart and attitude more than anything else on Be Worth Finding for the past year. Why? Because everything we do is coming from the heart. Whatever position we take on any situation is going to come from our understanding; it is going to come from what flows out of our heart.

Maintaining a pure heart is not something that comes easily. It means that we learn how to rise above so many things because we understand that those things can stop that which we are in pursuit of. We learn that the goal is more important to us than the emotion we feel right now. We understand that our emotion and even our opinions are subject to a higher truth, God…thus we must subject ourselves to that truth.

APPOINTED HEAD

Wherever we are in life, we are assigned a role and/or a position. With this, we have responsibilities and limitations. In each role we have someone to whom we answer to but beyond any person, we answer to God.

Well, with the man appointed by God as the head of the home, it is critical that we as women learn how to blend in with his flow. I am not saying that this man will never make adjustments for you or that he shouldn’t ever accommodate you; please do not take it there. What I am saying is that only ONE has been given the title of “HEAD OF HOME”. In most cases two heads are better than one but when it comes down to it; one will need to make the final decision. It is to our benefit to learn his patterns so that we can blend in and become a support to him.

LEARNING AND BLENDING

For this reason, one of the most important things we can do is to “learn him”. Study his patterns and habits. Think about ways to accommodate him. This is the loving way to approach your man. It isn’t about becoming a door mat. The man God intends for you has no intention of you becoming a doormat. What I am speaking of is “assuming a pure-hearted man comes for you” and he is whole-heartedly pursuing the vision God has given him. You will sometimes, maybe often, want to pull him in another direction because of “your needs” but I am challenging you to consider well before pulling him off his God appointed task. Learn how to accommodate that man for the sake of the calling on his life. It is so hard to write this because unless you understand your value, this will seem like self-abuse. When you understand your value, and God has healed your brokenness from past relationships, it is not difficult to see yourself in a supportive role, making sacrifices without feeling used or abused.

SERVANT ATTITUDE

Wherever I have gone in life, I have sought to serve the leader; whoever they were, I sought to align myself with the visionary and both support and help with the mission. I did it out of a sense of honor and because I believed so strongly in doing whatever was placed in my hand with all my heart. I knew that God appointed that leader and I was to honor the position given by “God”. Part of serving that leader was to learn their rhythm and flow with them rather than to; 1. Try to force them in another direction or 2. Insist on going in another direction myself which leads to rebellion.

I am a firm believer that you either go along with the captain of the ship or you find another ship to travel with. Once you make the decision to join that ship, you have a commitment of honor to not only “follow” but to “support”. This is how it is when you choose to live your life according to God’s principles. He places you and you “serve”. We are all called to serve.

ROLE OF A SERVANT

This, of course, comes from my completely servant minded mentality as it relates to marriage. I believe that God has given the man a natural leadership tendency. No matter how much leadership is in me, it is secondary to him. I know that it is just as valuable and just as necessary but it is still secondary. And this mindset does not cause me to feel diminished at all. To me it is an honor when God appoints me to serve someone.

Whatever role God places us in, it is always one of service and it is an honor to serve God in any capacity He chooses for our lives. It may take a long time but God really will prepare us and teach us how to be a “helpmeet” and not an independent looking for validation in life. Although I have a million ideas and aspirations, I have felt as though God has been preparing me for this man and I have always believed that my greatest position will be as his “helpmeet”.

When we understand the importance of the role give to us by God, we seek to fulfill that role with all our heart as unto the Lord, not man. We have a responsibility to God so we focus our attention on fulfilling the role He has given us. Just the same, that man has a responsibility before God and we leave him in the hands of God. As hard as it is, we cannot use him as our measuring tool for what we are willing to give. That mentality will mess up a marriage. Give freely because God has given freely to you.

BE A BLESSING- INTENTIONALLY

With this I will end this article. It has taken a very long time for my heart to change in such a way that I understand the difference between a ‘bitter response” and a “pure response”. When God heals the heart, it frees us to open up and give without always measuring our return. It isn’t about your lack of importance at all, it is about “learning your man” and blending in with his rhythm so that you can flow “with him”. “He” NEEDS to be able to lead and it would be so much better for your home if you could allow him that role and position and if we as women could anticipate some of his needs and make it our heart and intention to be a blessing to him.

In conclusion, ponder this and really go outside yourself for a minute and consider; there is no harm in preparing your heart now for what is soon to come…if God were to come down and personally explain to you how important it was for Him to make Eve for Adam and why her presence in his life was so critical for HIS success and GOD’S purposes to be established, how would you see your role as a wife? How would you look at things differently?

No matter what your demands are, when you decide to marry, your primary and first concern is to please God and to be a blessing to your husband and not only a blessing but a support and help in all things. Again, with a Godly man who is pursuing God’s purposes, you have a bigger picture to work with and a bigger reason to support him in every way possible. And all that you do is as unto the Lord and for His glory. When God blesses you with a husband, remember, you have been blessed to be a blessing; so do not hold back. Bless that man with all you have to give and do it as a service and extension of your love for the God who so graciously gave you that husband.

As always, we encourage you to…

1. Post your comments below or join the page & discussion at: https://www.facebook.com/BeWorthFinding

2. Email questions to: beworthfinding@gmail.com

or anonymously on Formspring: http://www.formspring.me/beworthfinding

3. Re-tweet, repost or send this to your friends!

We are building a community and are dedicated to helping as many people as we can to have happier, healthier and more fruitful relationships!!!

We hope to hear from you!

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Day Fourteen: "Eliminating the Blame Game"

By Melissa Rich

Dear Lord, I want to bring Joe before you tonight. Lord YOU know how difficult he can be and how stubborn. Lord YOU KNOW how hard he is to deal with and how many times I have extended myself towards him. YOU KNOW how often I have tried to talk to him and yet he continues to ignore my needs. Deal with him Lord. Change his heart and make him more like You. Cause him to see what I am saying and make him change his ways Lord. I just can’t take it anymore. If You don’t do something, I just don’t know what I will do. Amen.

I am hoping that you are still reading and that something felt a bit “off” as you read through that prayer. Did anyone notice that the entire prayer was centered around how “good” SHE is and how “bad” HE is? Did anyone notice how freely she invited God to change “him” but never considered that maybe “she” is the one who needs to change? Did anyone notice how unloving her prayer was? How self-centered? She wasn’t praying for “his” well-being but for her own satisfaction. There is a very big difference between an effective and an ineffective prayer. There is a verse that says whatsoever you ask in “MY” name… meaning, “in accordance with Him”. Not just using His name to call it forth. If it isn’t His heart and His mind, it isn’t in “His” name.

Let’s talk about the BLAME GAME. The object of this game is to avoid all responsibility no matter what. Never admit that you are wrong. Never consider what you could improve. Never evaluate yourself for what may need adjustments. Always point the finger at the other person. Always focus on everything they are doing wrong rather than anything they are doing right. Always stand your ground no matter what because in all things, YOU ARE ALWAYS RIGHT. This is a very good way to destroy any relationship, if that relationship ever had a chance of getting off the ground in the first place. An argument arises and the conversation goes something like this,

BLAMER: Well if YOU would stop _____ and YOU would start ______, maybe then _____. “Blanks” because there are a million scenarios like this. If only YOU would, then everything would be different. That is the obvious message. Meanwhile, the one saying “if only YOU would…” is clearly focused only on the “other” person. Their entire position is one of blame. Everything that happens to them is because of that “other” person and the funny thing about the “blamer” is that eventually, even what they choose to do becomes the fault of the “other” person. The “blamer” never takes personal responsibility and everything that happens to them, around them or as a result of their own choices is someone “else's” responsibility. This person is clearly unaware of the power they possess to change their own life.

It is a mindset that some fall in to and if we want to be honest, it is a “self-righteous” mindset. They insist that there is nothing “they” can do to help the situation because they have clearly done nothing wrong. While this may appease the person for a moment while they are justifying everything in their head, they will find that until they identify that “they” are the common denominator in all their drama, they will continue to have troubled relationships that never satisfy. There is something that happens when we focus all our attention on the other…we miss the opportunity to grow.

Why are we writing this series? Because we believe there are some very basic things that people struggle with in relationships that have solutions. By informing others, we hope to help you to have more fruitful and emotionally healthy relationships. Blaming is potentially toxic to any relationship but it has a solution.

People who blame often forget to ask themselves a simple question, “What part do I play in this? Is anything I did either creating or exacerbating this situation?” That simple, humble question could save a lot of people a lot of trouble in their relationships.

Now if you change your mind and decide, I don’t want to play the “blame game” anymore, it isn’t working for me, the solution is this, “begin to take personal responsibility for everything you say and do as well as the outcomes.” Stop making everything that is wrong in your life everyone else’s fault. Stop using others as an excuse for your wrong or bad choices. What “he” did to you 5 years ago is NOT the reason you are still acting this way. “You” have “chosen” to continue in this pattern for your life. Now, it’s all YOU baby!

Here are some of the ways a person who is taking personal responsibility will act:

--A person who is taking personal responsibility takes responsibility for their choices, actions and reactions. They do not make excuses, for that which they did that was inappropriate or down right wrong. They are humble enough to correct themselves and maybe even apologize when necessary.

--A person who is taking personal responsibility for themselves and all their actions would ask, “is there anything I could have done differently that would have caused the situation to turn out better?” Instead of continually dwelling on what the other person could have done better, this person is pondering their own room for improvement. As they do this, they find it easier to extend grace because they realize how much grace they have needed to get to where they are now.

--A person who takes personal responsibility is more interested in the integrity of their own personal growth than they are about seeing to it that someone else is doing everything a certain way. They spend their time asking God to help them to change and improve “themselves” so they can be more of an asset in the relationship. They understand that the only one they have the power to change is themselves.

--Most of all, a person who is taking personal responsibility does not feel that terrible continual sense of being out of control. They do not feel compelled to try and control everything around them. They focus their energies on being the best individual they can be because they know that is what “they” have to bring to the table. That is what “they” can offer to the relationship.

So now, you get to decide. Think about your relationships. How many situations do you find yourself in where you are pointing the finger continually outward instead of turning your gaze inward for introspection? Without a doubt, blaming others will leave you miserable because it gives all your power away. Taking personal responsibility will both empower and mature you because it is you placing a demand on the best that you have to offer. At the end of the day, you will be able to give an account for yourself and close that chapter because you had the power to both choose and correct that which you were unhappy with all the while, leaving that other person in the hands of the same God who has been helping you to change and improve your ways. It’s not always easy, but this is a far better way than the other.

As always, we encourage you to…

1. Post your comments below or join the page & discussion at: https://www.facebook.com/BeWorthFinding

2. Email questions to: beworthfinding@gmail.com

or anonymously on Formspring: http://www.formspring.me/beworthfinding

3. Re-tweet, repost or send this to your friends!

We are building a community and are dedicated to helping as many people as we can to have happier, healthier and more fruitful relationships!!!

We hope to hear from you!

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