By Melissa Rich
“God's people are called the humble themselves and take the place of humble service in The Kingdom. We are called to serve others, not ask to be served by others…We are called to let God love others through us. Jesus was the perfect example of what a humble servant leader looks like.” Jess P.
“Now that I, Your Lord & Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them." -John 13:14-17(NIV)
How much more should we exemplify this in our marriage? I am going to speak to women because I am a woman. Much of this can apply to men as well but this one is primarily for women…again.
I have focused a lot on the “heart” lately in my posts. Actually, I have focused on heart and attitude more than anything else on Be Worth Finding for the past year. Why? Because everything we do is coming from the heart. Whatever position we take on any situation is going to come from our understanding; it is going to come from what flows out of our heart.
Maintaining a pure heart is not something that comes easily. It means that we learn how to rise above so many things because we understand that those things can stop that which we are in pursuit of. We learn that the goal is more important to us than the emotion we feel right now. We understand that our emotion and even our opinions are subject to a higher truth, God…thus we must subject ourselves to that truth.
Wherever we are in life, we are assigned a role and/or a position. With this, we have responsibilities and limitations. In each role we have someone to whom we answer to but beyond any person, we answer to God.
Well, with the man appointed by God as the head of the home, it is critical that we as women learn how to blend in with his flow. I am not saying that this man will never make adjustments for you or that he shouldn’t ever accommodate you; please do not take it there. What I am saying is that only ONE has been given the title of “HEAD OF HOME”. In most cases two heads are better than one but when it comes down to it; one will need to make the final decision. It is to our benefit to learn his patterns so that we can blend in and become a support to him.
LEARNING AND BLENDING
For this reason, one of the most important things we can do is to “learn him”. Study his patterns and habits. Think about ways to accommodate him. This is the loving way to approach your man. It isn’t about becoming a door mat. The man God intends for you has no intention of you becoming a doormat. What I am speaking of is “assuming a pure-hearted man comes for you” and he is whole-heartedly pursuing the vision God has given him. You will sometimes, maybe often, want to pull him in another direction because of “your needs” but I am challenging you to consider well before pulling him off his God appointed task. Learn how to accommodate that man for the sake of the calling on his life. It is so hard to write this because unless you understand your value, this will seem like self-abuse. When you understand your value, and God has healed your brokenness from past relationships, it is not difficult to see yourself in a supportive role, making sacrifices without feeling used or abused.
Wherever I have gone in life, I have sought to serve the leader; whoever they were, I sought to align myself with the visionary and both support and help with the mission. I did it out of a sense of honor and because I believed so strongly in doing whatever was placed in my hand with all my heart. I knew that God appointed that leader and I was to honor the position given by “God”. Part of serving that leader was to learn their rhythm and flow with them rather than to; 1. Try to force them in another direction or 2. Insist on going in another direction myself which leads to rebellion.
I am a firm believer that you either go along with the captain of the ship or you find another ship to travel with. Once you make the decision to join that ship, you have a commitment of honor to not only “follow” but to “support”. This is how it is when you choose to live your life according to God’s principles. He places you and you “serve”. We are all called to serve.
ROLE OF A SERVANT
This, of course, comes from my completely servant minded mentality as it relates to marriage. I believe that God has given the man a natural leadership tendency. No matter how much leadership is in me, it is secondary to him. I know that it is just as valuable and just as necessary but it is still secondary. And this mindset does not cause me to feel diminished at all. To me it is an honor when God appoints me to serve someone.
Whatever role God places us in, it is always one of service and it is an honor to serve God in any capacity He chooses for our lives. It may take a long time but God really will prepare us and teach us how to be a “helpmeet” and not an independent looking for validation in life. Although I have a million ideas and aspirations, I have felt as though God has been preparing me for this man and I have always believed that my greatest position will be as his “helpmeet”.
When we understand the importance of the role give to us by God, we seek to fulfill that role with all our heart as unto the Lord, not man. We have a responsibility to God so we focus our attention on fulfilling the role He has given us. Just the same, that man has a responsibility before God and we leave him in the hands of God. As hard as it is, we cannot use him as our measuring tool for what we are willing to give. That mentality will mess up a marriage. Give freely because God has given freely to you.
BE A BLESSING- INTENTIONALLY
With this I will end this article. It has taken a very long time for my heart to change in such a way that I understand the difference between a ‘bitter response” and a “pure response”. When God heals the heart, it frees us to open up and give without always measuring our return. It isn’t about your lack of importance at all, it is about “learning your man” and blending in with his rhythm so that you can flow “with him”. “He” NEEDS to be able to lead and it would be so much better for your home if you could allow him that role and position and if we as women could anticipate some of his needs and make it our heart and intention to be a blessing to him.
In conclusion, ponder this and really go outside yourself for a minute and consider; there is no harm in preparing your heart now for what is soon to come…if God were to come down and personally explain to you how important it was for Him to make Eve for Adam and why her presence in his life was so critical for HIS success and GOD’S purposes to be established, how would you see your role as a wife? How would you look at things differently?
No matter what your demands are, when you decide to marry, your primary and first concern is to please God and to be a blessing to your husband and not only a blessing but a support and help in all things. Again, with a Godly man who is pursuing God’s purposes, you have a bigger picture to work with and a bigger reason to support him in every way possible. And all that you do is as unto the Lord and for His glory. When God blesses you with a husband, remember, you have been blessed to be a blessing; so do not hold back. Bless that man with all you have to give and do it as a service and extension of your love for the God who so graciously gave you that husband.
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