Day 22: "Loyalty, Unity & Boundaries"

By Melissa Rich

I saw this on a post of one of our readers the other day. It describes what I am about to talk about PERFECTLY!

A relationship should be between
(^_^) & (^_^)
NOT ---> (^_^) & (^_^) + (-_(-_(-_-)_-)_-)

I once heard a married woman counsel that you should never tell other men/women you & your man’s business because they may take opportunity when they see the two of you struggling and when your marriage is vulnerable. You just never know. Be wise.

Loyalty

You will not always agree, nor will everything always be perfect but loyalty is still possible even amidst imperfect times. The marriage cannot stand if the two attach their loyalties outside the covenant of marriage. There is a power in that bond and commitment not even just to each other but to the “whole” of who the two of you now are. Marriage requires a sense of abandonment to one another. You leave and cleave. Now everything stays within that circle. (Obviously excluding any type of abuse).

Once you have entered into that “one flesh” realm, things change. You are now bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. As we said on Day 20, you are now two parts to a whole. Your first priority after God is your husband/wife. From that relationship, everything else flows. Having complete resolve in your heart now that you will be taking on a new role; your allegiance will always come back to him/her.

Unity

One flesh is one flesh. There is no “you” and “I” any longer. It is now “we” in everything because the two are now, “one”. There will be times when you aren’t even sure you agree but you cover the “marriage” because everything that is about him/her is still about you. Protecting the marriage now becomes intentional. You fully understand that by acting against him/her, you act against the covenant you have agreed to. You have to retrain your brain to hesitate before making decisions sometimes without considering the “whole”. It is a new life. A new way of living in every way and that will also require a new way of thinking and acting. Learning to be one takes a mind shift. Unity doesn’t come without intention. It is purposeful.

Boundaries

Cover one another’s nakedness, don’t expose it.

Learn to be quiet, prayerful and introspective. There are some things that just should never be said or repeated. As tempting as it may be, refrain from calling your sister, aunt, mother, best friend every time something does not go your way or every time you are just upset in general. If there is going to be loyalty and unity, the two must have each other’s backs. Remember your loved ones will take sides and long after you and your spouse have resolved they will still have too much information about your relationship.

Your marriage is a binding covenant. It is protected by the terms of that agreement. When the agreement between two is broken in any way, it puts the marriage at risk. Always have each other’s backs not allowing anything in to break that barrier of unity you have between you; unless “by agreement” you invite an additional person/s in to your situation for counsel.

Marriage is a “team”. Loyalty, Unity & Boundaries are team principles. We do not need to wait until marriage for some of these habits to be formed.

From the moment two people say, “I do”, they become subject to the binding laws of marriage. They become one flesh. The Bible is clear, we “leave and cleave”. It is a new world; a new life, new guidelines and especially, new benefits. Having loyalty, walking in unity and maintaining proper boundaries with those outside your marriage will do more for your marriage than all the talking in the world. Learn to trust God and one another if you want the union to grow stronger and be secure.