By Crystal Monae - Our Special Guest Blogger
When you can not get around, over, or through a rough patch in a marriage or relationship in general, it could be for many reasons. One of the most common impediments is the inability to go through it together. Either both people want out after there is no quick resolution or one person holds on while the other one checks out. We are a microwave, get-rich-quick, make it happen now, and selfish generation. You pray to God and you expect Him to work a miracle quick, fast, and in a hurry. You hand God your list (He/She is selfish, arrogant, lazy, rude, demanding, not understanding, insecure, easily offended, too thrifty, spends too much money, doesn’t stroke me the right way with my ego or in the bedroom) and then you say to God work it out for me.
We have to remember that it took God time to do a work with us.
Don’t you remember Him nudging you, beckoning you, and all the while still loving you? Did you say, "Yes Lord!" right away? No. You ran. You fought. You hid. You bargained. You straddled. You did all of those things until you realized that God loved you, accepted you, and that He was not going any where. That is what your spouse wants - to know that you love them, that you accept them, and that you are not going any where.
Now you are asking me, "Why don’t they know that already?" Well, have you built a fortress around you and in return, have they have built an igloo around them? You know what I mean. It’s really icy in your home or should I say in your crib because both of you are caged inside acting like babies. And it goes further. No one is talking or you give short answers, no affection or no I want you looks, and no one is putting any validating words of love out there because you stopped saying I love you a long time ago (probably when the sex was canceled).
Now you are saying, "I would, but he/she is so defensive?" Well, are you offensive? Are both of you not playing on the same team, with the same goals, and the same mission? Hmmm....so you pray harder but God is silent. He is not changing them. The silent treatment and withdrawal are by no means improving the situation, because now you have asked Satan to come play with you all in your crib and Satan says, "Now this is my kind of party! Let me see all the ways I can divide what was once whole and keep both of them from kingdom living. This is definitely a 2-for-1 special. If there are kids involved I can destroy them too by ruining their self-esteem, their confidence in their parents, and their confidence in God."
Up goes the heat, up goes the Satanic influence, and the relationship seems unbearable. I said it seems unbearable, only because your spiritual eyes have gone dim and you are too weak to tell Satan it is time for him to go. Pain has evolved into hurt, so you decide that it is time for you to go and let Satan cheer, because you simply can not handle the heartache any longer and you have lost your joy.
The joy of the Lord is your strength.
Picture your family whole and joyous. Envisioning the promise will propel you into destiny. When you give up while God is telling you to stay, what it all boils down to is that you don’t trust God. Now don’t let me loose you here, because I know that you are saying, "I trust God" and that is probably true to some degree. You trust God with you, but you don’t trust God to do a work in your significant other. You want them changed in a twinkling of an eye, even though it took you much longer to simply get saved.
To your natural eye it looks nasty and hopeless. Ah but grace, truth, and time must be invited in. Love is patient. Love is kind. Work through the pain together. Find out the etiology of the pain together.
Love your spouse into restoration.
Know how to love. Find out their love language. Show them the love of God which is so strong that it can not, will not be denied. Who knows, the biggest lesson may be for both of you and not the one who you believe needs a big change. God may want to know if you will stand still for a season or two or three until you come out on the other side.
Will you return a blessing and say it was just too much for me to handle? Will you give up on God? Well my sweet, I must tell you that God will not put more on you than you can bear. We usually give up right when God is about to turn the tide, right when you are about to receive your breakthrough and gain a powerful testimony of God’s faithfulness.
Personally, I have received my greatest rewards when I stayed with God to the bitter end.
If God says stay, you better stay. If God says go, you better go.