Preparing for Marriage...Not Just the Wedding.

This is where a lot of Christian ministries get it wrong, I believe. We spend 99% of our time teaching people how to be happy and content singles...which is good...but spend 0% to 1% of the time talking about how to be happy and content married...and even less time talking about preparing for marriage. A good friend of mine sent me a great article about "10 Ways You Can Prepare for Marriage" for single women. Good article.

Here are a few things I would add:

1. Find a happily married woman of 20+ years (they are out there) and befriend her. I've never seen anyone cut through the bull of what's important versus what isn't like an older woman! Here's one you can ask questions from time to time!

2. Strongly consider your other friendships. If most of your closest friends aren't or have never been married, you might think about making some shifts. Our peer groups influence us more than we think.

3. Begin practicing submission now. NOT the way it sounds. You don't submit to anyone except your OWN husband, but you can practice things like going along with another person's idea, finding constructive ways to express your displeasure and examining why you disagree when you do and try to see the other side.

4. When you begin to get serious about a man, pray for him. It will hone your spiritual insight and help you see how you could possibly be a helpmeet for him in particular.

5. Speak life now. Practice speaking ONLY what you want to see manifested. The power of life and death is in the tongue. Solomon once wrote that a wise woman builds her house while a foolish one tears it down with her own hands. Sorry. I didn't write it, but I have seen it played out.

Some thoughts to think about.

Contact Mark Anthony McCray if you'd like to talk about it more!

Read More

4 Things I'm Doing Right...That You Need to Do, Too!

I tend to write as a way of reminding myself of things. I've been doing it for years...journaling, scribbling little notes the back of envelopes, even sending myself text messages and e-mails. If it's something I want to keep in mind, I like to write it down SOMEWHERE! I'm not above writing in the palm of my hand, but I try not to. People don't like smudges on their hands from shaking yours.

Anyway, this article is something like that. These are things that I want to make sure I remember to practice so they become success habits instead of things I do for a season and then set aside. I wrote before about 8 Lessons I Learned in 2011 and most people thought it was a pretty good list. Me, too. But the truth is I learned a whole lot more than just 8 lessons. Yet you can't make a blog go on forever or people tune you out.

1. Diligence brings success. ‎"The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage, But everyone who is hasty comes surely to poverty." ~Proverbs 21:5 (NASB) If you aren't getting ahead the way you want to, check your PLANNING and DILIGENCE. The Bible says there is SURELY profit in both! It takes both!

People sometimes respond saying "I've been diligent, but I'm not getting ahead!" and I only have two responses: First, the Word of God is true. Therefore, if you truly aren't getting ahead, then you truly aren't being DILIGENT in the way the Bible teaches diligence (I'll be blogging about that soon!). Or...second, give it time. When sowing seeds, you should not expect them to germinate, grow and yield fruit overnight. Further, you have to be diligent throughout the process. Seeds sown must be nurtured...ripened fruit must still be harvested. Stay diligent all the way through the end!

2. Asking releases favor. To get the good fruit, sometimes you have to shake the tree. Waiting for the apple to fall ensures it will be either just past ripe or rotten. Waiting for fruit to hop off the tree, walk down to your house and jump into your mouth is tragically foolish! I've noticed one common factor in those who get what they want out of life: They were never afraid to look like a fool in pursuit of it. I've got recent testimonies and so several of my readers just from ASKING, SEEKING and KNOCKING. The closed mouth still doesn't get fed! You don't ask and stop. You keep asking, keep seeking and keep knocking! Now go get to it!!!

3. Sowing leads to reaping. There is no great mystery! When you sow, you reap! Sow big! Reap big! In fact, everything you're doing right now...including reading this blog...is a seed into your future. Every time you sit down to watch old reruns, if you linger too long, that is a seed into your future, as well. Anything you want to reap in life, sow towards it. This includes your health, your relationships, your business, your ministry...everything! Further, if you're a Believer, you're a part of God's economy, too. You should sow seed into the things concerning the Lord and He'll bless you like you won't believe!

4. Prayer provides direction. "It makes no sense to be working and still broke." ~Thaddeus Eastland If you aren't seeing the fruit from your labor the way you want or expect, it's time to change up the formula. Can you demand more? Increase your value? Organize your business differently? Start the day with a different kind of attitude? Whatever it is, going to God in prayer for direction is the best way to get new instructions and wisdom. Of course, you should journal and seek wise counsel from men, but I try to take all the advice I get to God in prayer for the final word on the matter. Seeds sown are intended to yield fruit! If you aren't getting the fruit you desire, ask the Lord why not. Then be courageous enough to make some changes.

I'm sure you've got a handle on these principles. If not, consider this blog a reminder. For me, since I go back and read my blogs from time to time, I hope I'll do so at a point of need and get the direction and breakthrough I'm needing at that very moment.

Now...what can you do for me? Please join my Live BIG! Die Empty Facebook page if you haven't! Also, please let me a comment or two. They let me know if I'm helping or hurting in my mission to help you live life on purpose, with passion and more prosperously than ever before! Thank you!!

Read More

8 Lessons I Learned in 2011 (& Will Take into 2012)

This was a very good year. In fact, it was a great year for getting to know who God has made me to be and to get in better position to be that man. New people have come into my life. Some have exited. I survived some challenges that I wasn't sure I could. Altogether this was a year of massive shifts and lessons learned.

1. Be who you are. No question this is the #1 thing I have "learned" and I'm walking in more powerfully than ever. I aim to be even more aggressively "me" in 2012. And understand the distinction I'm making. I'm not overly concerned about being "better" or anything tangible. I know I can have the year I want to have if I am just MYSELF. I am naturally bold, enthusiastic, opinionated, ambitious and a visionary. Not bragging. There are many good things you are naturally, as well, but most of you suppress them or hide them and then in a cloud of frustration over what you should have done. Being who you are will fix most of that and propel you forward in 2012.

2. No matter how much you want things to change, using the same approach will yield the same results. Boy did I learn this the hard way by suffering through months and months of making so little progress that I could still see the dust from my last steps on my feet. I made some forward moves in 2011, but it wasn't until the end of the year that I took some real leaps. What did I do different? I did some things DIFFERENT! This isn't meant to be confusing double-speak. If you think about it for a moment, there are some areas of your life wherein you've not changed your attitude or approach in a long time...but you're not happy about the results you're getting. Try something you've been afraid to try.

3. There is no substitute for good friends. I had to lean on some people in 2011 and call in some humbling favors. For a guy who's been as independent-minded as me, it was tough to look at people and say "I need help." You know what happened? I got the help I needed a number of times. Most of the time, folks were just waiting on me to open my mouth. Humility turned into my salvation more than once and that's the way it's supposed to be! We need each other. The Bible says that a brother is born for the day of adversity. In His foreknowledge, the Lord knew we would need comfort and made provision ahead of time. I learned to stop letting my enemy isolate me.

4. Make decisions. There is so much power in the simple act of getting off the fence. So much so that I believe circumstances conspire to knock us off the fence when we've been stuck too long. It's just like flipping a coin to help you make a decision. There's nothing wrong with doing so when you're feeling genuinely conflicted. When the coin speaks you'll know in your gut whether you're happy with it's decision or not. If not, do the opposite. It's just a quarter. You're not captive its commands.

5. Don't be afraid to let some doors close. Slam some others shut. Allowing yourself to be tied to dead or dying situations, relationships, environments, careers, churches, etc. can kill your life as dead as the carcasses you're linked to. Even if be joined to dying things doesn't kill you, you'll become soaked through with their foul stench. Cut dead things loose and walk free. Look at how much more fruitful you can be in a place that is full of life and don't even look back. Let the dead bury the dead.

6. Peace is valuable. This is one of the most valuable gifts Believers have, but sometimes don't take advantage of. We are taught to plan ahead, be anxious for nothing and not worry about tomorrow meaning we're FREE to THINK instead of STRESS and free to PLAN instead of PRESS! In other words, take full advantage of the peace of God.

7. Open your mouth. Nothing happens until we start talking. NOTHING!!! I'm not really sure what to add here. I've talked and written about the power of words before. Your words shape your life. I do it often on my Live BIG! Die Empty. Facebook page, as well. What else can I say? I've heard back from friends sharing their testimonies of great blessings and favor they've received just because they either opened their mouths to ask or had been bold enough to speak their visions out loud. There's not a lot else to be said. If you want it, speak it!

8. All things. If you look back honestly, the Lord has been faithful to take care of you and the things concerning you. If you needed it, you had it. Stressing about the next day didn't benefit you one bit. In fact, the only thing worry has done for you is ensure that you'd be sleepy the next day at a time you needed to be your sharpest. Since the Lord has been faithful in the past, why should you not trust Him now? Pray yourself to sleep instead of permitting insomnia to gain another victory over you. The Father has already worked out everything concerning those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

9. (Bonus Lesson) Progress doesn't come unless you plan for it. You have to be intentional about the outcomes you want and expect from life. Good things don't happen by accident. Good things happen on purpose. Frankly, most accidents are horrible and shocking. That's not what you want for 2012. You want fruit from your sowing and progress for your pain. Sit down and write. Then plan. Then pray. Then get to work. The time for letting things just "happen" is past. 99% of the things that just happen are horrible. Plan and be diligent. That's what Solomon would advise you to do.

2012 can be your best year ever! I agree with that 100%. One thing I hate about the New Year, however, is all the hype that comes along with it. I can't stand seeing people get whipped up into a frenzy but without the shifts in mindset that will make a true, lasting difference. If you make these nine lessons become nine new habits by continual practice, I can guarantee things will never be the same for you!

Read More

31 Days to Healthier Relationships: A Recap

We started "31 Days to Healthier Relationships" with an objective of helping our readers gain greater understanding, wisdom and tools to have healthier relationships. We focused the entire month of December on one thing and one thing only: relational health! No complaining...no bitterness...no blaming allowed.

I feel like we succeeded! In case you missed any of it, I wanted to highlight a few of my favorite posts of the series. I can't cover everything, but here are a few you might want to go back and check out!

"His Needs, Her Needs: The Top 5 Things a Woman NEEDS!" - Learn the differences between what a woman needs as opposed to what she wants.

"His Needs, Her Needs: The Top 5 Things a Man NEEDS!" - What is NECESSARY for him to be fulfilled in a relationship with a woman?

"8 Keys to Talking to Men" - Men and women speak different languages. If you're concerned that he doesn't understand you, check this out.

"He Can Trust Her" - Solomon asked "A faithful man who can find?" and there's no doubt loyalty is still valued today...perhaps even more.

"Eliminating the Blame Game" - This article will help anybody get "unstuck" so they can move forward into happier and healthier relationships!

"Why Get Married At All?" - Marriage is under attack! Learn how to fight for it and how to battle for your's, too!

"While He Is Awaiting His Set Time" - One of our most popular posts addresses what to do while waiting for that special relationship.

"7 Reasons He Hasn't Taken the Plunge" - It's not always about you. Relax. Sometimes there is more going on than you see on the surface.

Please share your thoughts. Did anything stand out to you? Do you learn anything or have something you've always suspected confirmed? Let us here from you and share our He Who Finds a Wife and Be Worth Finding Facebook sites with your friends! And, as always, remember to Live BIG!!!

Read More

Is She Wonder Woman or a Witch?

Is she Wonder Woman or a witch? Honestly, it's a trick question. I'll explain why in a moment. I know how social media works. Bitching and complaining work a lot better than truth and compliments. Most people clicking on this blog want me to list out all the ways to tell whether a woman is a good woman or whether she's horrible. Like I said, though. It's a trick question because the answer, men, is largely up to you.

Man, you have the power to determine what she's going to be more than you know. Much of what she's going to be is according to what you call her.

I believe women have the unique, special ability to multiply the harvest of the words sown into their lives. If you want the woman in your life to be kind, nurturing, supportive or whatever, call her that. Call her that even when she isn't that. Never relent. Never back down. Never confess anything except what you want to see manifested. Ever!!

On the other hand, if you make a habit of labeling a woman with your words as "mean-spirited", trifling, or (God forbid) the "B" word, guess what you're going to get more and more of over time?! And not only that, but you'll get it in multiples! Quite honestly, I've been amazed my whole adult life at how giving, patient and kind most women can be when given the chance. Most put up with all kinds of hell that I know I wouldn't! If want to experience a woman at her best, call her the best.

So, what's it going to be? Do you want a Wonder Woman or a Witch? Often, it's your choice! You'll get what you say. If you always call her a witch, don't blame me when she's cursing you.

Read More

Is He a Superman or a Joker?

Is he a Superman or a Joker? Does it matter? Most people begin to respond to what they are called repeatedly. If you want him to be your Superman, if you treat him that way, he'll become more of that - even if he isn't already.

"Men don't marry a woman because of how she looks - he marries her because of how he feels when he is around her..." ~Dr. Mike Murdock

This quote touched off quite a discussion between some friends of mine recently - both men and women. The men felt like it was 100% true and the women felt like it was 100% hogwash (for the most part)! Talk about a difference of opinion! I didn't feel like it was 100% true, however. I answered that it was 1000000% true. I don't even know if there is a such thing as a million percent, but if there is, put me down for that answer.

When a man chooses to move past casual dating and make a commitment, it's always about how he feels when he is around that woman. If you're a man, you know I'm right. If you're a woman, you might be feeling conflicted right now. You've heard about how men are visual and think we can be mesmerized by a woman's beauty like some kind of magic spell. Not likely. I've never, ever, ever, ever seen a man choose to be with one woman over another because of her looks. Not ever.

A woman who knows how to make a man feel like a king will always have the top place in a good man's life. She will always be the apple of his eye even over another woman who might be sexy, rich, well-educated or anything else if the sexy, rich, well-educated woman either doesn't know how to treat men or he just doesn't feel like the king of the world when he's with her.

Because that's what the woman whom a man chooses does: She makes him feel like he can do absolutely anything, like he can be anything, like anything is possible. And that's what every man wants - to feel like Superman. If a woman can do that, men will fight for her, protect her, beg her to be around him and generally risk everything he is, everything he has and everything he can be to have her in his life. This is especially true when so many people - male and female - treat him like a Joker.

Most important for you, it is possible to tell the difference between Supermen and Jokers.  That's why I created this program!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.

All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

Read More

The Proverbs 31 Man

I am told that I don't write "to" the men enough. I'll own that feedback. Women tend to be more verbal and it's tempting to speak to the audience that is the more responsive. As such, I really want to go back to a topic I've written about before but bring some more focus to it: the man about whom Solomon was writing in the final chapter of Proverbs.

In Christian circles, so much is said about the "Proverbs 31" woman without actually reading and studying the passage.  I can appreciate all the T-shirts, organizations and "Proverbs 31" posters that we Christians like to sell and buy, but every now and then we've got to get back to the basics of the scripture and what it teaches.

Here's one basic: as we see in verse two from Solomon's most well-known passage: the Proverbs were compiled by a man to his son.  (We'll come back to that in a moment.) Most scholars I've read consider Lemuel to be a pseudonym for Solomon, so there isn't much new there. However, consider this: this section of Proverbs were learned by King Lemuel from his mother (Verse 1)!

I've always thought it was interesting how we tend to handle this one chapter from Proverbs by ignoring its first nine verses. There is a lot more to it than the virtuous woman. I'd almost forgotten that myself that Chapter 31 doesn't start at verse ten. I highlighted some of the most important teachings for men below:

#1 -  The primary audience of for the chapter is MEN...it is a book written to a son. Let's stop beating women over the head with one under-understood chapter. If anything, it is supposed to help us identify a GOOD woman. It doesn't appear to be a manual for us to ridicule women.

#2 - "Do not give your strength to women." means we have to be disciplined and maintain our discipline. The mother alludes to her son displaying kingly behavior and whoring after women is definitely not for kings. We men have to be about our missions.

#3 - Drinking to excess is for those who are perishing. It isn't for rulers and kings, like you are. Get it together and put down the Patron. Most of verses one through nine deal with maintaining sobriety. How fitting in a day wherein so many people retreat to various drugs.

#4 - Defend the rights of the afflicted and needy.  Elsewhere, the passage teaches that it's only the righteous who even understand justice. We must stand up for those people who can't speak up for themselves. This is kingly behavior, my brother and kings.

I can't ignore that the bulk of the passage is describing a wonderful woman, wife and mother of virtue.  I can only remind the reader that she is seeking to show her son what such a woman looks like and how she carries herself.  I don't know where she got all of these great qualities.  Perhaps she was taught by her own mother?

Suffice it to say we have no license to run around showing random women how short they fall of the Proverbs 31 standard.  The chief pupil, men, is the man reading these words.  We must ask ourselves, therefore, are we disciplined, sober and just in all of our actions for these are the character traits to which Solomon, the Koholeth, is trying to inspire us.

Amen?

Read More

Why Get Married at All?

I got up early this morning again. As I write this entry in our series called "31 Days to Healthier Relationships" I realize our time is drawing to a close and I've got a few final things to get out of my heart and onto a "page"...so to speak. I don't suppose it was a coincidence that one of my favorite Bible teachers, R.C. Sproul, was talking about "What is Christian Marriage?" on his broadcast this morning.

Very timely! As Christmas falls into the rear view mirror and the new year approaches, this topic has been heavy on my heart and mind. I guess watching "Divorce Court" on television yesterday is a factor, too! After watching people plead for divorce for among the stupidest reasons I've ever heard ("He lets the kids sleep too much, your honor!"), I've decided to come back to marriage again.

Marriage is under tremendous attack. Perhaps for the first time in the history of the world, the side of the ledger evaluating reasons not to marry are outweighing reasons to marry. There has never been a time like this. Even teachers and writers who are the biggest advocates for Christian marriage sometimes struggle to stand against the passionate arguments against jumping the broom that many people make these days

...including women who've had their hearts beaten to the point of bruises and permanent scarring and men who've been stripped of everything earthly and struggling to hang onto their very manhood. Add to it that so many married people are challenged to stay in the commitments they've made, millions of people are asking themselves "Why get married at all?"

I've written about this before, but I'm compelled to do it again...and again. My emotions often fuel my writing and that's the case this morning. I find myself tired and more than a little bit lonely as Christmas has passed and the New Year comes around the bend. I'm one of the millions of people who are both grateful for what I have yet longing to have someone special of my own to spend these sacred seasons with. (I know that's a dangling participle but give me a break.) I heard myself in my spirit vowing to not be alone next Christmas and I caught myself! It's time to reevaluate my motivations and drives. I'm not an old man, but I'm too old to spend a lot more time doing my relationships wrong.

Know what I'm saying?

In any regard, to the matter of "why get married?" I want to offer these reminders and encouragements as we head into a new season...

God gave mankind marriage after seeing Adam's condition. Adam was overwhelmed with the mission God had for him apparently and also lonely. Further, when Adam saw Eve, the first thing he noticed was how she was different from him. Let us not forget that God designed every difference! Accordingly, I believe there are at least four powerful clues as to why God gave us marriage right in that small section of the creation account...

1. We marry to accomplish something greater than we could accomplish on our own. Adam didn't look for or receive companionship until he had already been solidified in his purpose.

2. We marry because we are social creatures who thrive in companionship. After pronouncing everything He had created as "good" it was God who looked upon Adam and said it was "not good" for him to be alone.

3. We marry for spiritual and sexual intimacy. We were created as sexual creatures...not as the same, but as something like puzzle pieces that fit and interlock. Pairing is a part of our very design. Remember: it was not Adam who said "It's not good that I'm alone" but God Himself.

4. We marry to expand the family (and family of God). Just as Adam and Eve were commanded to be fruitful and multiply, likewise the kingdom of God thrives best when the people of God are in happy and healthy relationships. Wounded soldiers don't typically fight well.

Now...can we have the benefits of marriage without being married? Perhaps some of them. Read my previous blogs and call me a skeptic. I suppose many of us can have someone to spend time with, save on some bills, and keep our hormones in better balance. On the other hand, there is an intimacy and sense of purpose that "life partners" will never achieve because it only comes to husbands and wives.

Just as the Bible says "He who finds a wife finds a good thing..." I am convinced there are blessings set aside especially for those who choose to walk in the covenant of the marital bond! Those are my thoughts. You're welcomed to disagree. I talk to people who are wrong all the time!

Now, here's something you can for me...

1. Send me your questions and/or post comments below!

2. Join me on Facebook, if you haven't already!

3. Retweet, repost or send this to your friends!

We're building a community and we're dedicated to helping as many people as we can have happier, healthier and more fruitful relationships!!

Read More

Day 25: "Five Pillars of Healthy Relationships"

By Melissa Rich

When we get beyond the surface of that man, after the attraction and the infatuation, what is left? Is he capable of being in a solid relationship? So often we jump in without getting to know a person. Our heart becomes intertwined before finding out if this is someone with whom we can see building a future. Better to find out before our hearts become too involved because these things will come up at some point.

Although these subtitles can apply to the man or the woman, I wanted to speak to women about men on this one. It is okay to desire some very basic qualities in a man (or women) before making a long term commitment. These are some of the things I look for which are foundational to healthy relationships. Even if they are not all 100% there in the beginning, they begin to take shape as you learn one another more and grow in the relationship but they are absolutely going to matter once you are fully committed.

1. He Loves God- This goes without say if you are a Christian but when I say “loves God”, I am not talking about words. I’m talking about a man who has a healthy fear of God and is continually, desiring to know more. It isn’t about how many verses he can quote or whether or not he is always referring to God with his words. Everyone expresses themselves differently. It is about who he is from within. How he makes his life decisions.

A man who loves God will always be pursuing more of God. His full intent will be towards God’s purposes for his life.

2. He keeps his word- This is necessary to build trust. When he says he is going to do something, he does it. When he says he is going to be there, he is there, on time. When he makes a commitment, he keeps it. When he is not able to do what he said he would, he communicates with whoever is involved that needs to know. It isn’t about perfection so much as integrity. He must be able to stand by his word, how else can you count on what he says? A man who keeps his word is dependable.

3. You feel safe with him- What does it mean to feel “safe”? This all depends on where you are emotionally and what your history is but there is something comforting to a woman when she is with a man who’s arms are wrapped around her or even him standing behind her; it makes her feel safe. She is not afraid that he will in any way try to bring harm to her. She knows he will be protective of her. When he speaks with her, it doesn’t leave her feeling small or dishonored but safe and secure. He is strong within and without but his true strength is not in overpowering her, it is in providing a safe place for her to come to him. A man’s true strength is not in his ability to display it, but in his ability to harness it.

4. He is always learning- If a man is not a “learner”, how will your relationship continue to “grow”? Whether it’s formal education or books and seminars, he has a hunger for knowledge and growth. He understands that there is so much more to know and he is always, desiring to be a better man. This will show up in all areas of his life. He will want integrity in all areas, especially his relationships. His heart and mind is pliable for God.

5. He is approachable- A relationship without communication is doomed before it starts. Most men do not have the capacity to sit and listen or engage for hours (although I know some who do), but you can talk to him. If this man is to be the head of your home, you will need to be able to approach him without feeling like a burden or bother. It may take some time to establish good communication and boundaries with him but ultimately, he understands how much you need him as your covering to be approachable.

I’m sure this is not a comprehensive list but it is 5 very basic things to consider as you are getting to know this man. I am always reminding everyone that it is never about “perfection” it is always about continual growth. Some of these areas may need to be worked on in the beginning but by the time a permanent commitment is being decided on, they should be well under way. Every relationship is different but these 5 apply to all relationships on some level and if you remove one, the relationship will “tilt”.

Read More

Day 24: "He Can Trust Her"

By Melissa Rich


Her husband can trust her; she will greatly enrich his life. Proverb 31:11 (NLT)

Trust is earned and established over time but it can be lost in a mere instant. This is very basic but some things just need to be verbalized and acknowledged. Keep in mind that I am most often presenting a position of heart more than anything. When two people are actively pursuing the same goal and moving in the same direction, so many things have a happier ending.


He Trusts Her With His Heart:
We are not responsible for another person’s actions or reactions but we are fully responsible for our own. When a good man comes along and chooses “you”, it is no small thing. Men don’t tend to choose women they can’t trust (unlike us women). If he is choosing you, he likely believes that you have what it takes to enhance his life and to make his home a safe and welcoming place to return to everyday.

Now, you are a “wife” and God has entrusted another human heart into your care. Be intentional about you and your home being a safe place for that heart because his humanity IS going to surface. His nakedness, just like yours, will eventually be exposed and he will need your tender and trustworthy presence in his life. As a husband or wife, we are called to cover our spouse’s nakedness, not expose them. So when it comes up, don’t be surprised. Don’t expect him to be perfect, neither of you will be. Extend grace and keep his confidence. (I always disclaimer these for woman who are in abusive relationships. That is an entirely different situation).



He Trusts Her When She Speaks:
Practicing deceit with your husband in any way is never going to benefit you. Nothing good can come of it. It is disrespectful to play him for a fool. Honor him with your word.

You want him to have confidence in your word. This comes over time. When he does, he will continually realize that he can trust your judgment, your perspective and even your advice. He will begin to ask you for your input, you will not need to beg to be heard. He “trusts” you when you speak. Are you beginning to see the benefits of being trusted?



He Can Count On Her:
She is reliable. She keeps her word. He knows that if he needs anything, she will move heaven and earth to accommodate him. She keeps her agreements with him and stands in the integrity of who she is. He knows whether things are easy or hard, he can count on her to be there with him and for him. She’s got his back and he’s got hers.

Maybe this sounds like a “fairy tale” to some people but this is what “trust” looks like in a relationship. This is how it is when two people walk in unity. This is how it is when two have submitted their marriage to God and walk in peace with one another no matter the cost. It goes without saying that difficult times will come. These are some of the tools for when they do.



He Can Confide In Her:
Recognize how vulnerable he is in opening his heart to confide anything in you. Remove the “spouse” hat for a moment and be “friend” so that you will not take what he is saying personally. Provide a safe place for him to open his heart because it doesn’t take much for him to close it off. It is an honor that he trusts you enough to be open and honest. A man will never do this if he questions your confidence. He just wouldn’t expose himself like that.

When he speaks, make it a point to listen attentively and non-judgmentally. He’s not necessarily looking for suggestions or a hug. Allow him to just speak. And no matter what, no matter where the relationship ends up…never, never break that confidence. Be a woman of integrity. Spilling his secrets all over the place only makes you less-integral. So many think they are exposing “him” when they do this but really they are exposing themselves. They are exposing their own malice.



A Godly woman “desires” that her husband be able to trust her fully. She automatically assumes this as a critical piece in marriage and she understands it as an obligation to God even more than man. Earning and keeping his trust makes you even more valuable to him because with trust comes peace. When a man is at peace in his own home, there is no telling how much can be accomplished. A man’s heart, at peace, will open wide and you will see all the benefits of being the kind of wife that God carefully designed to bring about the greatest blessings in your marriage.

Read More