To Move or Not to Move for Love?

A overheard a man pose a question to a forum recently: "Would any of you ever consider relocating to give a relationship a chance? Or would you want that love interest to move where you are?" It was asked to an audience of mostly women so I was intrigued to hear the responses because the topic really hits home with me.

Almost on cue, a young lady responded "I am EXTREMELY close to my family. If I am not within driving distance, it's a problem. I most certainly would not move."

After a little bit of passionate back-and-forth from people are arguing the pros and cons and after having watched so many of my friends marry, stay married and some divorce, I have to go with the whole "leave and cleave" model as the most ideal approach even if it comes to a new couple establishing themselves in a new city.

My thinking is straight-forward.  A little distance can be the best thing to help keep the "family of origin" out of the relationship because the husband and wife are the nucleus of the new family now. Prioritizing the family of origin is a marriage killer. Blood should NOT be priority over the marriage unless you're planning on that being a short marriage. It is wise to consider where you have roots because it makes holidays and family emergencies (and finding babysitters!) easier to manage, but I also understand that people used to travel across entire continents to start new lives.

Mainly, I see people trying to hang on to the old while grasping something new and it doesn't work. Leave and cleave is in the Word and it still works. But what about your support systems? You develop new support systems. (Proverbs 27:10 talks about this.) It's hard work, but in the end, you'll be better for it. 

I think a MAJOR problem is people want the new without letting go of the old. I've met wonderful women who will say "I'm never leaving Atlanta no matter what!" or "I must be able to eat dinner with my daddy every Sunday!" and even men who allow their mothers to tell them what to do in their own homes (notice the scripture talks about the man being the one who does the leaving). People have to get this. You have to leave the old behind for the new to thrive!

This is personal to me because I've lived it by proxy. My folks are going on forty-three years and I know a major part of it was because of leaving and cleaving. Not long after getting married (a few months?) my mom was on a plane to Germany at 19 years old to go meet her husband at his new post in Fulda, West Germany. Those things force each other together. You NEED each other for a while and that's a good thing! People these days try to set up lives where they don't NEED each other and wonder why relationships don't work. You are supposed to need each other. This whole "You only need GAWWWD!" stuff is brand new in the world and mostly only taught by manipulative preacher pimps anyway. To this day, if you ask even cousins about what's going on in their house, they will only know the very little they are told. My parents understood how to keep others' opinions out.

Side Note: NO MOVING WITHOUT A PROPOSAL, LADIES!!! I can understand that you might not be married and you want to get an apartment and begin setting up a life in a new city, but NO MOVING UNTIL YOU HAVE A RING ON YOUR FINGER AND NO SHACKING AT ALL!

Being willing to move is just a small part of it. It's mainly about being willing to build something separately together. The more you hold back, the more will be held back. The more you give her, the more you will receive.

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