"That doesn't work for me."

I like it when people are strong and confident enough to tell people where they stand...what they need and prefer out of life. I love it! Of course, there's always a way to say everything, but I won't chase that rabbit right now...

The point to this post is how you can be so forthright in telling others around you what "works" or doesn't work for you, but take so little time to look at your own life and results to have the same conversation with yourself. I do it from time to time whenever I'm feeling like I'm not being as productive as I want to be. I literally pull out a sheet of paper and review what works and what doesn't. It's a reminder to leave unproductive habits (patterns of behavior) in the past and embrace productive ones.

That's a horribly over-exposed picture, but I'm sure you can tell that's my list. As I launch into the second half of my day, I needed a refresher and, by now, you know how much I believe in writing things down. I also need to remember to smile! Be blessed!

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon! Please subscribe and visit me on my Live BIG! Die Empty. Facebook page!!

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Great Questions to Ask Before Marrying!? - Part 2

As promised in Part 1, here are the Sex and Relationship questions! You might consider printing these out and using them as a conversation piece over dinner or coffee! That way you can use me as the bad guy! Say it's my fault for bringing these up! These are the good ones...

I rarely read AskMen.com but I found an article that shared some great advice for all of us...

In the early stages of a relationship, talking about an ex should be completely off-limits. They just aren't relevant to the new thing you have going on. Later, as you start to find out more about each other, references to past boyfriends/girlfriends should be limited -- ideally to just a name, a time and a description of why it ended.

It's important to show you aren't still emotionally involved in the relationship, which means you shouldn't recount every little thing she did to hurt you. When giving a reason for the breakup, stick to generalities, such as “We were heading in different directions” or “We just outgrew each other,” rather than a blow-by-blow account of every argument you had.

Don't overplay all the bad points of past relationships in an attempt to show the new girl you're over an ex. You'll come across as bitter and still stuck on it. This also sends warning signals to her that if the two of you break up it could be a nasty, drawn-out process.

Good stuff. But, still, at some point I've learned you need to lay your cards on the table honestly.

RELATIONSHIP HISTORY

33. Have you ever felt deeply insecure in a relationship? Were you able to name your fear?
34. When was the first time you felt that you were in love with another person? What happened in that relationship, and how have you come to terms with it?
35. What is the longest relationship you have ever had prior to this one? Why did it end, and what lesson did you learn?
36. Have you ever been married? If so, are you divorced or widowed? How do you think you handled the loss?
37. If you have a current partner, do they know of behaviors that you exhibited in your previous relationship that you are not proud of?
36. Do you believe that past relationships should be left in the past and not talked about in your current relationship?
39. Do you tend to judge current partners on past relationships?
40. Have you ever sought marriage counseling? What did the experience teach you?
41. Do you have children from previous marriages or non-marital relationships? What is your relationship with them? How do you see your relationship with them in the future?
42. Have you ever been engaged to be married but didn’t go through with the wedding?
43. Have you ever had a live-in partner? Why did you choose to live together instead of marrying? What did your experience teach you about the importance of marriage and about commitment?
44. Do you harbor fears that the person you love might reject you or fail out of love with you?

SEX

45. What sexual activities do you enjoy the most? Are there specific sexual acts that make you uncomfortable? Be specific! This is no time to hedge.
46. Do you feel comfortable initiating sex? If yes, why? If no, why?
47. What do you need in order to be in the mood for sex?
48. Have you ever been sexually abused or assaulted?
48. What was the attitude toward sex in your family? Was it talked about? Who taught you about sex?
50. Do you use sex to self-medicate? If something upsets you, do you use sex to try to help you feel better?
51. Have you ever felt forced to have sex to keep the peace? Have you ever forced someone or been told that you forced someone to have sex with you to keep the peace?
52. Is sexual fidelity an absolute necessity in a good marriage?
53. Do you enjoy viewing pornography?
54. How often do you need or expect sex?
55. Have you ever a sexual relationship with a person of the same sex?
56. Has sexual dissatisfaction ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

Next time...in Part 3...the diet/health, looks and parenting approach questions!! How important are your partner's looks to you?? These should be good!

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon! Please subscribe and visit me on my Live BIG! Die Empty. Facebook page!!

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Great Questions to Ask Before Marrying!? - Part 1

I was watching Tyler Perry's incredibly average and boring as heck new movie, Good Deeds, or something and even though it wasn't supposed to be a comedy, it made me laugh more than once! When Gabrielle Union and Tyler are breaking up, she reveals to him that she doesn't even want to have kids! Wow! Really? They live together and are days or weeks from getting married and this is just now coming up?

It's amazing how little some couples discuss before making the most important decision of their lives!

Here's what I'm going to do about it! Here are some great questions to talk about with your special someone. These should make for some great conversations and lead to more real intimacy if you answer with transparency. Good luck and be blessed!

WORK

1. Are you working on your chosen field?
2. How many hours a week do you work?
3. What does your job entail? (For example, do you often travel for business, work at home, performs dangerous tasks?)
4. What is your dream job?
5. Have you ever been called a workaholic?
6. What is your retirement plan? What do you plan to do when you stop working?
7. Have you ever been fired?
8. Have you ever quit a job suddenly? Have you changed jobs a lot?
9. Do you consider your work a career or just a job?
10. Has your work ever been a factor in the break-up of a relationship?

HOME

11. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
12. Do you prefer urban, suburban, or rural settings?
13. Is it important to have your own private home, or do you prefer apartment or condominium living, with a management company responsible for the maintenance? Are you a do-it yourselfer, or would you rather hire professionals? Do you prefer to clean your own home or hire a housekeeper?
14. Do you think of your home as a cocoon, or is your door always open? What do you need to feel energized and inspired in your home?
15. Is quiet important in your home, or do you prefer having music or some background noise most of the time? Is it important to have a TV in the bedroom? Living room? Kitchen? Do you like to sleep with the TV or radio on?
16. How important is it for you to have a space in your home that is yours alone?
17. Have differences about home style ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?
18. If you had unlimited resources, how would you live?
19. How important is it for you to make a lot of money?
20. What is your annual income?
21. Do you pay alimony or child support?
22 Do you believe in prenuptial agreements? Under what circumstances?
23. Do you believe in establishing a family budget?
24. Should individuals within a marriage have separate bank accounts in addition to joint accounts? Do you feel that bills should be divided based on a percentage of each person's salary?
25. Who should handle the finances in your family?
26. Do you have significant debts?
27. Do you gamble?
28. Did you have a paying job when you were in high school? Before high school?
29. Have you ever been called cheap or stingy?
30. Do you believe that a certain amount of money should be set aside for pleasure, even if you are on a tight budget?
31. Have you ever used money as a way of controlling a relationship? Has anyone ever tried to control you with money?
32. Has money ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?


Next time...in Part 2...the sex and relationship questions!!

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon! Please subscribe and visit me on my Live BIG! Die Empty. Facebook page!!

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The Art of Giving Advice

You know how you can tell a judgmental person? Their language includes a lot of "should" and "ought" statements. It's just something I listen for when I talk to people. It doesn't bother me personally. It just lets me know the kind of person I'm dealing with. But do you know who cares? The people listening to you!!

A lot!

Professional "counselors", "advice-givers", "teachers", "coaches", "pastors" and other "experts" might want to be careful about how aggressively they use the terms. Some people shut down when they feel like they are being judged. That's all. People are free to be whomever they are. It's just something to watch for if you're in the business of consulting people.

This is one of those nuggets I learned but rarely drop in public. It applies to relationships, too. My study and well-worn observation is that I would advise my single sisters and married women to use "should" statements sparingly when talking to men. Guys tend to be sensitive and the woman often doesn't know what encouraged him to shut down emotionally.

Here's another free tidbit... so it might be worth what you paid for it...

Instead of "telling" or "teaching" people things, it's more effective to say "Let me remind of you of ....." because it gives them credit for already knowing it. (Even if they really didn't.) They feel more respected as you share with them if you say "Let me remind you that you can blah...blah...blah..."

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon! To your success!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
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Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

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Man on Fire.

For a lot of you, the only thing separating you from your vision is what the old folks call a "made up mind." You are still "okay" with the possibility of your dream not coming to pass. You haven't yet decided that you will see your vision happen NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES!

Don't fool yourself or over-spiritualize this by arguing that it's all in "God's hands" or up to "the universe" to make it happen. Once he got a vision, do you think Abraham wasn't totally consumed with it? Do you think Paul waivered? NOPE! Neither should you! Solomon said "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might..."

One of my favorite Denzel Washington movies is "Man on Fire" for this very reason. His character, Creasy, is a former assassin hired to protect a family (a little girl) in Mexico City. He swears vengeance on those who committed an unspeakable act against the family he was hired to protect. And when I mean he aims to get his vengeance, that's exactly what I mean! He is determined, focused and relentless! He is on fire!

If you're doing what you've said God told you to do, you should look like the craziest, most obsessed and driven person your friends and family know! Everyone around you should know YOU WILL NEVER QUIT until you've seen what God showed you manifest!

Your thoughts? Are you on fire for something? For someone?

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:

Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

Click HERE for information on Mark as a speaker or presenter and HERE to learn about coaching programs to help you realize your potential and live more prosperously!

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Choose Wisdom over Weakness

When is the last time you asked someone for their opinion regarding what you should do? And really listened!!???

Seeking input when you're facing the challenging decisions of life is not weakness; it's WISDOM! Learn how to ask people around you a simple question - "What do you think?" - and it will change your life by helping you make better decisions. Of course you still make the final determination, but there is great wisdom and victory in a MULTITUDE of counsel, i.e., seek as much feedback as you can get when you're facing major decisions!

"Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in abundance of counselors there is victory." ~ Proverbs 11:14

"Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That you may be wise the rest of your days." ~ Proverbs 19:20

"Prepare plans by consultation, And make war by wise guidance." ~ Proverbs 20:18

I'm always amazed at how much pride people take in "doing their own thing" or saying "I don't listen to anybody but GOD!" It's funny to me because...

A) "Doing their own thing" usually hasn't worked that well for them and...
B) It's God Himself who repeatedly tells us to GET COUNSEL and GET TEACHERS!!!

Honestly, I think it's because He knows we have a hard time hearing Him in the heat of the battle. For many of you, your emotions sound strangely like the "voice of God" when you're pressured.

Seek input. Get counsel. Talk to people. That's not weakness; that's wise.

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The 10% Factor

I heard a great message this past weekend and I want to pass a part of it along to my friends here in Live BIG! Die Empty. blog land. The speaker was telling me that studies have been done showing that, in baseball, a .273 hitter can double his salary if he can increase his batting percentage to .300. A 10% increase in effectiveness at his job can double his income! Further, another 10% increase could put that same player into stratospheric levels of income and virtually assure his place in the Hall of Fame! 10% is the difference between a guy you've never heard of and Babe Ruth!

I think the same thing is true in your life. You don't have to get a lot better to be a lot better off. You just have get a little better and be consistent with it. Stop stressing out thinking about how far away you are from being where you want to be. My challenge to you is this: How can you get just a little better at what you do? How about sitting down and writing out a few ideas in your journal? Could you make one extra phone call? Go 10% longer on the treadmill when working out? Could you give one extra hug to your significant other?

A small increase in your activity and have a big impact on your effectiveness! So how can you get a little better today?

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The (False) Gospel of Singleness

I am kind of betwixt on all the talk about celibacy and abstinence among Christians. One the one hand, I get it. I really do. I know that the Bible teaches to flee sexual sin. That we must do. On the other hand, we're generally aiming the message at people who are in the most sexually-charged, hormone-flooded, biological clock ticking years of their lives.

When you add to the discussion that many of the same people will go on and on about "19 Reasons to Leave Him" and "The 7 Red Flags of a Relationship" it looks like we are simultaneously preaching the gospel of singleness and frustrating our very natures - to pair up and to procreate. How is it that all our "experts" have to say is "Girrrrrrl, stay single!" and at the same time "Girrrrrlllll, you betta not be having sex!" while pages on the calendar continue to turn.

Quite simply, it all seems askew to me. Shouldn't we shift the dialogue towards more of HOW to be in relationships? Hear what I'm saying. I am not arguing that everybody needs to find a No-Tell Motel and start screwing. I'm saying we probably need to SHORTEN the amount of time we stay single. Most of the best couples with the longest marriages are the ones who just met and pulled the trigger anyway. We're spending a lot of energy working against nature.

Bottom line: we spend too much time single. It's time to start encouraging people to marry again.

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If Something Doesn't Die, You Haven't Made a Decision.

#LiveBIGDieEmpty - Some people are hindered simply because they haven't mastered the ability to make a decision. They try to exercise all options at the same time...or keep one on hold until they've exhausted the other. But that's not how life works. That's small living.

Big living requires you to decide which way you're going and what you're going to do. Then, once you've decided, do it with all your might! (Ecclesiastes 9:10) It's in the very structure of the word! "De" is from the Latin for "away" or "from" while "cis" means "to cut" or "to kill" so putting them together....

To make a DECISION means to cut something away, from or off! To kill it! That means, if something doesn't DIE, you haven't made a decision. As gruesome as it sounds, you have to kill something for the other thing to thrive. Trying to nourish every little business or relationship just a little bit...enough to keep it alive...only ensures that none of what you do will truly thrive!

Let me share something with my friends today. Not only in the spirit of "keeping it real" but in terms of trying to help someone who needs to hear this today. That's my Live Big Die Empty mission anyway...to help people who feel like they've been living beneath their purpose, potential and privilege for too long.

A friend commented recently, "Mark, you're a rock star!" meaning he believes I'm living a great life. I accept the compliment. Thank you, sir! I will agree that things are trending the way I want them to go. However, as my closer friends will tell you, I have a looonnnnnng way to go to get where I need to be. So I press.

But to the point of my post today. I tend to blog from experience and Godly counsel as best I can. That's the genesis of the blog post I wrote and posted last week regarding decision-making. I can testify that nothing began to turn around in my life until I sat down with my pastor, Thaddeus Eastland of Hope Church Pearland and received this one little nugget of wise counsel: make some decisions. I had been feeling despondent, broken and on the verge of tears because I was feeling beaten by life.

The truth is I was being beaten by life because I was allowing life to beat me.

You see, I'd been trying to live too much of my life on the fence subject to other peoples' whims, emotions and decisions. I wasn't drawing clear lines in my ministry, business or personal life and it was halting my progress in all of those areas. "Make some decisions." Those few words have meant so much to me. I remind myself of them whenever I feel like I've stalled in making progress still to this day.

My encouragement to someone who needs it is as follows: MAKE SOME DECISIONS!

As always, I want to hear from you!!! Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon!

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Why Does Death Sting?

Death stings for the same reason that aging stings...we feel the loss of opportunity, the loss of hope, the ending of new chances. No matter where any of us are, we all hope for a new beginning starting from wherever we find ourselves...whenever we feel like we've lived less than our greatest potential. That's the power of death...it forces us to look in the mirror and examine our own lives. Many times it hurts because we don't like what we see.

I'm not trying to sound cold, but I don't know that I feel as much hurt from the loss of Whitney Houston as do others. Perhaps because she's a woman and I'm not(my female friends seem to hurt more), I never connected with her that much. Aside from a boyhood crush, I never paid a lot of attention to her life or music. I know I'm alone in that. But there is something that made me stop and think...looking at the pictures of Bobby Brown. I still remember Bobby Brown from "Every Little Step" and seeing him having aged...put on weight...and even ostracized from his family hit home with me.

Time is passing and we all have to make the most of every moment! That's the lesson to learn and that's why death stings - it reminds us of wasted opportunities. So stop wasting them! That which your hand finds to do, do with all your might! Starting right now! That's the best way to honor both the death and Your God who made you.

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon!

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