Leaders are readers. Upgrade your library here!

Click the link to get some of my best recommendations for your library!

From Idea to Ignition!

YOU'VE ASKED FOR IT AND NOW IT'S HERE!!! DON'T MISS THIS CHANCE TO PROPEL YOUR BUSINESS AND LIFE FORWARD!

Masterminds and Expert Coaching

All the best performers in any field have a coach. Shouldn't you? Mastermind Groups and one-on-one coaching are both available for those interested in partnership and accountability in working on their vision and goals.

Visit the Live BIG! Die Empty. Store!

Check out these great resources from the mind of Mark Anthony McCray...with more in development every single day!

Invite Mark to share at your next live event, workshop or seminar!

Each keynote or workshop session can be customized with relevant examples, anecdotes and solutions to match your audience and your needs. Just ask! If you want Mark to come and speak at your meeting or conference, just e-mail!

Blogroll

1/31/12

8 Keys to Achieving Higher Performance in Your Purpose: Key #2 - Same Approaches = Same Results


In the introduction to this series, I talked about getting intimate with your own special purpose. I believe that each of us was put here with a unique calling and a special mission. It may not always be grand, but it's yours. Key #1 discussed being UNIQUELY YOU!!!

Now let's explore Key #2!

First, this short video!



The bottom line is this: if you want different results, you have to change your attitudes, actions and approaches. How many challenges have you approached the same way over and over and over and over?! That's like trying to kill all the pigs in Angry Birds with the same shots you've used 30 times!


Sometimes you just have to do something differently! Otherwise you're going to become as angry as that bird! Some of you haven't done anything different in years. You're frustrated with your relationships, but won't get help...or even go out on a date. You're upset about your money, but won't work harder, ask for a raise or find a job that pays you what you want to earn. Even if you're accustomed to effort, if you aren't getting results, make a shift. A small shift can make a big difference sometimes.

Write it out if you have to. List out the things you normally do, but don't work. Next to them, write out other actions you could take instead.

I know this personally. Some of the biggest and best blessings in my life have come after I got tired of beating my head against the wall and did something different. How about you? How can you approach tomorrow in a new way? If you do everything the same way, you'll get the same results you have right now. If you're okay with that, fine, but I suspect you're not!

In case you're interested in being able to quickly navigate the entire series, here are the links!

Series Introduction
Key 1: Be Who You Are!
Key 2: Same Approaches = Same Results
Key 3: Change Your Associations
Key 4: The Least Appreciated Key
Key 5: Seek Favor
Key 6: Get Expert Help
Key 7: Open Your Mouth
Key 8: What Are You Afraid Of?

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon!




1/27/12

8 Keys to Achieving Higher Performance in Your Purpose: Key #1 - Be Who You Are!


In the introduction to this series, I talked about getting intimate with your own special purpose. I believe that each of us was put here with a unique calling and a special mission. It may not always be grand, but it's yours. It is unique to you and you've been equipped for it. Check out what the Bible records as God's conversation with Jeremiah from Jeremiah 1:5-8:

"5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
And before you were born I consecrated you;
I have appointed you a prophet to the nations.”
6 Then I said, “Alas, Lord GOD!
Behold, I do not know how to speak,
Because I am a youth.”
7 But the LORD said to me,
“Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’
Because everywhere I send you, you shall go,
And all that I command you, you shall speak.
8 “Do not be afraid of them,
For I am with you to deliver you,” declares the LORD."


Please hear me on this point as you continue through your day: you are special. God knew you and planned for you and accounted for YOU in His eternal plan before you got here. You were always in His mind and never, never, ever and accident!

So, be who you are. No question this is the #1 thing I have "learned" and I'm walking in more powerfully than ever. I aim to be even more aggressively "me" in 2012. You have to determine in your mind to do the same. Just like Jeremiah, our first instinct is to give God and excuse! "I'm too young." "I'm too old." "I'm too short." "I'm too black." "If I had a wife, I would do it." "If I had a husband I could do it." "I'm too ______." Yap, yap, yap! You forget that He already knows. He created you with certain qualities for your mission. Some deficiencies He's allowed so He can get the glory.

Understand the distinction I'm making. Don't become overly concerned about being "better" at any particular task just yet. You're not going to prosper outside of your purpose anyway. There are many good things you are naturally, but you suppress them. Being authentically you will fix most of that and propel you forward in life.

Now go back and look at Verse 8. You don't have to be afraid to be yourself and do what you're here to do. Even if you have enemies, you have a Great Deliverer. Your worst imaginings of what could happen are just that. Imaginings.

Go forward. Be YOU!

In case you're interested in being able to quickly navigate the entire series, here are the links!

Series Introduction
Key 1: Be Who You Are!
Key 2: Same Approaches = Same Results
Key 3: Change Your Associations
Key 4: The Least Appreciated Key
Key 5: Seek Favor
Key 6: Get Expert Help
Key 7: Open Your Mouth
Key 8: What Are You Afraid Of?

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon!




1/26/12

8 Keys to Achieving Higher Performance in Your Purpose: Introduction

I get a lot of questions e-mailed to me about purpose and how to get better, do better and be better. Tons. (I want more of them, frankly! I appreciate all the interaction.) There seem to be common themes emerging so I felt like it was time to dedicate some focus to these areas. People ask me things like

What is my purpose?
How can I know it for sure?
I know my purpose, but I feel stuck. What can I do?
Where can I find a mentor?
How can I raise the money?
How can I earn more money?
I'm not sure I'm meant for anything more. Am I?

These are all great questions! Over the next several blog posts, I'm going to address these and more. We have to start out talking about purpose and how to figure out yours, however. I truly believe you can't prosper or have true peace if you operate outside of your own special purpose. Therefore, until you are doing so, you're going to have a level of frustration in life you'll never be able to get away from.

The first thing I want you to do is watch this short video. It should help with some basics. I believe you already know your purpose in life and could just use some clarity. This video will give you some clarity. I first wrote about them here.



Now that you've watched that, you understand that hope and hype are great, but you need METHODS to truly advance in life.  In case you're interested in being able to quickly navigate the entire series, here are the links!

Series Introduction
Key 1: Be Who You Are!
Key 2: Same Approaches = Same Results
Key 3: Change Your Associations
Key 4: The Least Appreciated Key
Key 5: Seek Favor
Key 6: Get Expert Help
Key 7: Open Your Mouth
Key 8: What Are You Afraid Of?

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon!




1/24/12

What is a "Dealbreaker" anyway?


I like to ask my readers questions, but today I need to make a statement to correct a common misconception. That's a fancy word for WRONG THINKING! I read all day everyday about "dealbreakers" and other such stupid ridiculousness. I call it ridiculousness because I've seen stuff listed such as nap-taking, height and aversion to eating soul-food listed as freaking dealbreakers. Really?

I mean for real, for real?

Garbage.

All this talk has you majoring in stuff that is easily fixable, bearable, temporary or invisible in the dark. Trust me on that. If I see another guy kick a wonderful woman to the curb because of something crazy and insignificant, there might be a fight right there on the street. Me and my saved self might have to throw down. I know 40 year old men with round bellies and half-George Jefferson-bald heads claiming they can't be with anyone other than a never-married, no kids, no serious ex-boyfriends, Masters Degree having, tongue-talking, freaky, Size 6 woman who walks around cooking and bowing to him all day saying "Yessa, Massa!"

I hear woman saying they can only have a man who...looks like The Rock (but hetero), preaches like TD Jakes (without the purple suits), cooks like Emeril (but isn't fat) and balls like Trump (but not a butthole.) Let me let you in on a secret: you can probably get a couple of these in one package, but you'll be hard-pressed to get all-in-one.


The #1 thing you should be looking for in a mate is someone with a SHARED VALUES SYSTEM. It starts there. It ends there. This addresses your faith, your belief in educational approaches, your politics, what you eat, where you will live, what you'll do for fun. EVERYTHING!

Should you partner with someone who doesn't share your VALUES SYSTEM? Absolutely not. Not ever. No way. That is the very epitome of compromise - and not the good kind either. The "good" kind of compromise is deciding to go to KFC when you two have argued too long about Church's vs. Popeye's. The "bad" kind of compromise is when you set aside your key beliefs in order to try to accommodate another person.

In other words, you should be ready and WILLING to compromise EVERYTHING except your VALUES SYSTEM.

Let me make another example: Does your values system REQUIRE you to wear red lipstick? No? I didn't think so. Now think about this...does your spouse prefer you to wear blue lipstick from time to time? Wear blue lipstick sometimes. Move on. Smile about it. On the other hand, does your values system REQUIRE you to never wear makeup? Look for a guy who hates makeup.




So sit and decide what your core values are. Write them down. These are core. The other things are not core. Flexibility outside the core values is necessary. I highly encourage everyone to write out their core values. I've done it myself. Then you'll truly know what a dealbreaker is and isn't.

You're welcome.

Getting People to Listen


Here's a simple way to offer advice that people NEED and have them actually LISTEN to you. You've heard it said that people don't care what you know until they know that you care. That's true! Now, here's the way to show them that you care quickly and in in a few short statements:

1. "I understand what you're feeling." - Use this statement (or one like it) to make it clear that you are listening and relating to what is on their heart and mind.

2. "I have felt the same way." - Show them that you've been there before...either in the same situation or in a similar one.

3. "Here's what I've found." - Detail what you learned and how you rose out of that place in life. This becomes their action items.

Don't quote these directly! That said, if you use this pattern, people will receive what they need to hear from you much better. They will feel that you care...and then care about what you know!

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon! To your success!









Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html


1/21/12

"And now...we're pleased to present..."


Always...always...always write YOUR OWN intro speech!! At least whenever possible. You want to be the one who influences how you're received. Unless the group is familiar with you, the host's words will help shape impressions BEFORE you even begin to speak. Don't take introductions lightly! Here's a brief article I've found that will help you introduce people or write your own introductions more effectively! I just finished writing mine for tomorrow night!

Great Tips for Download Here!

To your success!









Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html


Resting Is A Vital Part of Working



You're the coach, the mentor, the leader and teacher. You constantly pour out. Remember to get a refill for yourself from time to time! Take a break. Get somewhere quiet. Catch a movie in the middle of the day. Pray. Read. Exercise. Make sure you're tending to yourself or you won't have anything to give!

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon! To your success!









Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html


Blog on Purpose.


Let me share a tip with you about how to use your blog better: blog as preparation for your presentations!

For example...if there's a topic on which you anticipate being asked to speak or even interviewed, blog it out. It will help you organize your thoughts well in advance. Now...here's a bonus...if you want to know which points are going to be stronger, post them on a message board, twitter or Facebook and see what ideas get the best reception.

I often do this to improve my writing, plus people will let you know where you're strong or weak and even shed new light on things for you.

We can use social media to help us refine our messages. Our posts and tweets don't have to be "random" even though it can look like it. I'm usually building something for the future or refining how I can communicate an idea. Well...not always of course, but you get what I mean!

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon! To your success!









Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html


Keep Selling After the Sale!


When I was going my MBA work they taught us a powerful key to effective marketing in one of my most AWESOME classes. Here it is in a nutshell: the BIGGEST CONSUMERS OF ADVERTISING ARE THE PEOPLE WHO'VE ALREADY MADE THE PURCHASE!!!

In other words, don't stop selling after you've made the sale. Remind people WHY they made the purchase and it will help convert them into evangelists for you.

Study after study has been done and they show that part of the reason is people are looking to emotionally justify their decisions. They want to know they did the right thing. So help them know it! Ask for referrals. Send follow-up e-mails. Keep telling them how great you are even after they've invested in you. It's an important part of the process that many forget.

Same principle is in play once you've bought a car. Suddenly you see them all over town...you notice all their commercials...you tell people about it. Your biggest fans are people who have already "bought" you. Don't stop communicating with them. Sometimes we assume they're tired of hearing from us. They're not.

To your success!









Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html


1/20/12

Race in Dating and Marriage


Someone recently posted on Be Worth Finding that they think pre-marital counseling should be mandatory in all cases. Many people agreed. This was in response to a post I made about how few topics couples discuss before walking down the aisle. I've been shocked to learn that ( I guess ) people are so drunk with love that they will avoid, leave out or just forget important details about their lives such as finances, plans for children and more!

One of the things people don't talk about enough is how will being of different races impact their families and relationship.

I got the following list of questions from a friend of mine who is in an interracial marriage. They were are part of her pre-marital counseling so she shared them with me to pass along. I thought they were outstanding!

Was this your first interracial relationship?

How did you feel about interracial marriage and relationships before you were in one?

What are some common misconceptions about interracial dating/marriage in 2012?

Did you face skeptics and criticism from your friends and/or family about the interracial relationship?

What about ___(Your Significant Others)___ family -- Did you or he face any criticism from them?

Do you have (or plan to) have children? How will race figure into child rearing for you?

Do you think___(Your Locale)___ in general is a good place for interracial couples and families?
Do you feel that there are societal criticisms and pressures concerning interracial relationships in___(Your Locale)___ ?


Do you have any suggestions for Black women considering or new to interracial relationships?

This isn't a post to complain about what people SHOULD or shouldn't do in relationships. People do what they want anyway and interracial relationships are very much on the rise. These are just some things to think about before you get into one!

Blessings!

1/18/12

The Principle of the Tree Rat...err...Squirrel.


The story goes that a man owned a huge pecan tree and loved his Italian Cream Cakes with pecan and cream cheese frosting that he could make from the pecans that grew on that tree. Being from Texarkana, I can relate! Very few things rival a good Italian Cream Cake or even a German Chocolate Cake! I choose them even over Red Velvet! Anyway, the problem the man was having is that he could barely get a decent frosting for his cakes from this huge tree with all its pecans because the squirrels would run and grab them all as soon as they ripened. Being that he loved his cakes, he was both heartbroken and angry.

He decided to do something about it finally.

He went down to Home Depot to get some of those metal barriers that are supposed to stop squirrels from being able to run up trees. The next day he saw the little critters hopping from tree to tree - still stealing all his pecans!!

Next, he went and cut back the branches from the trees with long limbs so the squirrels couldn't jump over to his pecan trees from other trees. The day after that he saw them walking across telephone wires like acrobats over to his tree!

Day after day he would try different methods and tools. Nothing worked. After Googling and buying nearly everything he could find on stopping squirrels, he was so frustrated that he screamed at the top of his lungs "WHY?! WHY!? WHY?! WILL I EVER GET ANOTHER ITALIAN CREAM CAKE????!!!" He yelled so loud that even his neighbor heard him without her hearing aid. She baked him a (nasty) red velvet cake and walked it over to him that weekend.

Finding him curled up in the corner crying, she handed him the pie and told him to relax and have a bite. "It's nearly impossible to overcome the Principle of the Squirrel" she said. "Don't feel bad."

"What's the Principle of the Squirrel?" he asked.

"It's very simple. You work, sleep, watch TV, think about cakes, play with your children, shower, exercise and do all kinds of things every single day. Then you think about stopping squirrels on the weekend. On the other hand, the squirrels are thinking about only one thing all day every day and every night - how to get your pecans!"

Now, personally, I don't like squirrels very much at all. I call them "tree rats" and I don't feel bad about it in the least. But there is something powerful to be learned here...complete focus takes the cake!

1/11/12

Preparing for Marriage...Not Just the Wedding.


This is where a lot of Christian ministries get it wrong, I believe. We spend 99% of our time teaching people how to be happy and content singles...which is good...but spend 0% to 1% of the time talking about how to be happy and content married...and even less time talking about preparing for marriage. A good friend of mine sent me a great article about "10 Ways You Can Prepare for Marriage" for single women. Good article.

Here are a few things I would add:

1. Find a happily married woman of 20+ years (they are out there) and befriend her. I've never seen anyone cut through the bull of what's important versus what isn't like an older woman! Here's one you can ask questions from time to time!

2. Strongly consider your other friendships. If most of your closest friends aren't or have never been married, you might think about making some shifts. Our peer groups influence us more than we think.

3. Begin practicing submission now. NOT the way it sounds. You don't submit to anyone except your OWN husband, but you can practice things like going along with another person's idea, finding constructive ways to express your displeasure and examining why you disagree when you do and try to see the other side.

4. When you begin to get serious about a man, pray for him. It will hone your spiritual insight and help you see how you could possibly be a helpmeet for him in particular.

5. Speak life now. Practice speaking ONLY what you want to see manifested. The power of life and death is in the tongue. Solomon once wrote that a wise woman builds her house while a foolish one tears it down with her own hands. Sorry. I didn't write it, but I have seen it played out.

Some thoughts to think about.

Contact Mark Anthony McCray if you'd like to talk about it more!

1/4/12

4 Things I'm Doing Right...That You Need to Do, Too!

I tend to write as a way of reminding myself of things. I've been doing it for years...journaling, scribbling little notes the back of envelopes, even sending myself text messages and e-mails. If it's something I want to keep in mind, I like to write it down SOMEWHERE! I'm not above writing in the palm of my hand, but I try not to. People don't like smudges on their hands from shaking yours.

Anyway, this article is something like that. These are things that I want to make sure I remember to practice so they become success habits instead of things I do for a season and then set aside. I wrote before about 8 Lessons I Learned in 2011 and most people thought it was a pretty good list. Me, too. But the truth is I learned a whole lot more than just 8 lessons. Yet you can't make a blog go on forever or people tune you out.


1. Diligence brings success. "The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage, But everyone who is hasty comes surely to poverty." ~Proverbs 21:5 (NASB) If you aren't getting ahead the way you want to, check your PLANNING and DILIGENCE. The Bible says there is SURELY profit in both! It takes both!

People sometimes respond saying "I've been diligent, but I'm not getting ahead!" and I only have two responses: First, the Word of God is true. Therefore, if you truly aren't getting ahead, then you truly aren't being DILIGENT in the way the Bible teaches diligence (I'll be blogging about that soon!). Or...second, give it time. When sowing seeds, you should not expect them to germinate, grow and yield fruit overnight. Further, you have to be diligent throughout the process. Seeds sown must be nurtured...ripened fruit must still be harvested. Stay diligent all the way through the end!

2. Asking releases favor. To get the good fruit, sometimes you have to shake the tree. Waiting for the apple to fall ensures it will be either just past ripe or rotten. Waiting for fruit to hop off the tree, walk down to your house and jump into your mouth is tragically foolish! I've noticed one common factor in those who get what they want out of life: They were never afraid to look like a fool in pursuit of it. I've got recent testimonies and so several of my readers just from ASKING, SEEKING and KNOCKING. The closed mouth still doesn't get fed! You don't ask and stop. You keep asking, keep seeking and keep knocking! Now go get to it!!!

3. Sowing leads to reaping. There is no great mystery! When you sow, you reap! Sow big! Reap big! In fact, everything you're doing right now...including reading this blog...is a seed into your future. Every time you sit down to watch old reruns, if you linger too long, that is a seed into your future, as well. Anything you want to reap in life, sow towards it. This includes your health, your relationships, your business, your ministry...everything! Further, if you're a Believer, you're a part of God's economy, too. You should sow seed into the things concerning the Lord and He'll bless you like you won't believe!

4. Prayer provides direction. "It makes no sense to be working and still broke." ~Thaddeus Eastland If you aren't seeing the fruit from your labor the way you want or expect, it's time to change up the formula. Can you demand more? Increase your value? Organize your business differently? Start the day with a different kind of attitude? Whatever it is, going to God in prayer for direction is the best way to get new instructions and wisdom. Of course, you should journal and seek wise counsel from men, but I try to take all the advice I get to God in prayer for the final word on the matter. Seeds sown are intended to yield fruit! If you aren't getting the fruit you desire, ask the Lord why not. Then be courageous enough to make some changes.

I'm sure you've got a handle on these principles. If not, consider this blog a reminder. For me, since I go back and read my blogs from time to time, I hope I'll do so at a point of need and get the direction and breakthrough I'm needing at that very moment.

Now...what can you do for me? Please join my Live BIG! Die Empty Facebook page if you haven't! Also, please let me a comment or two. They let me know if I'm helping or hurting in my mission to help you live life on purpose, with passion and more prosperously than ever before! Thank you!!

1/3/12

8 Lessons I Learned in 2011 (& Will Take into 2012)

This was a very good year. In fact, it was a great year for getting to know who God has made me to be and to get in better position to be that man. New people have come into my life. Some have exited. I survived some challenges that I wasn't sure I could. Altogether this was a year of massive shifts and lessons learned.

1. Be who you are. No question this is the #1 thing I have "learned" and I'm walking in more powerfully than ever. I aim to be even more aggressively "me" in 2012. And understand the distinction I'm making. I'm not overly concerned about being "better" or anything tangible. I know I can have the year I want to have if I am just MYSELF. I am naturally bold, enthusiastic, opinionated, ambitious and a visionary. Not bragging. There are many good things you are naturally, as well, but most of you suppress them or hide them and then in a cloud of frustration over what you should have done. Being who you are will fix most of that and propel you forward in 2012.

2. No matter how much you want things to change, using the same approach will yield the same results. Boy did I learn this the hard way by suffering through months and months of making so little progress that I could still see the dust from my last steps on my feet. I made some forward moves in 2011, but it wasn't until the end of the year that I took some real leaps. What did I do different? I did some things DIFFERENT! This isn't meant to be confusing double-speak. If you think about it for a moment, there are some areas of your life wherein you've not changed your attitude or approach in a long time...but you're not happy about the results you're getting. Try something you've been afraid to try.

3. There is no substitute for good friends. I had to lean on some people in 2011 and call in some humbling favors. For a guy who's been as independent-minded as me, it was tough to look at people and say "I need help." You know what happened? I got the help I needed a number of times. Most of the time, folks were just waiting on me to open my mouth. Humility turned into my salvation more than once and that's the way it's supposed to be! We need each other. The Bible says that a brother is born for the day of adversity. In His foreknowledge, the Lord knew we would need comfort and made provision ahead of time. I learned to stop letting my enemy isolate me.

4. Make decisions. There is so much power in the simple act of getting off the fence. So much so that I believe circumstances conspire to knock us off the fence when we've been stuck too long. It's just like flipping a coin to help you make a decision. There's nothing wrong with doing so when you're feeling genuinely conflicted. When the coin speaks you'll know in your gut whether you're happy with it's decision or not. If not, do the opposite. It's just a quarter. You're not captive its commands.

5. Don't be afraid to let some doors close. Slam some others shut. Allowing yourself to be tied to dead or dying situations, relationships, environments, careers, churches, etc. can kill your life as dead as the carcasses you're linked to. Even if be joined to dying things doesn't kill you, you'll become soaked through with their foul stench. Cut dead things loose and walk free. Look at how much more fruitful you can be in a place that is full of life and don't even look back. Let the dead bury the dead.

6. Peace is valuable. This is one of the most valuable gifts Believers have, but sometimes don't take advantage of. We are taught to plan ahead, be anxious for nothing and not worry about tomorrow meaning we're FREE to THINK instead of STRESS and free to PLAN instead of PRESS! In other words, take full advantage of the peace of God.

7. Open your mouth. Nothing happens until we start talking. NOTHING!!! I'm not really sure what to add here. I've talked and written about the power of words before. Your words shape your life. I do it often on my Live BIG! Die Empty. Facebook page, as well. What else can I say? I've heard back from friends sharing their testimonies of great blessings and favor they've received just because they either opened their mouths to ask or had been bold enough to speak their visions out loud. There's not a lot else to be said. If you want it, speak it!

8. All things. If you look back honestly, the Lord has been faithful to take care of you and the things concerning you. If you needed it, you had it. Stressing about the next day didn't benefit you one bit. In fact, the only thing worry has done for you is ensure that you'd be sleepy the next day at a time you needed to be your sharpest. Since the Lord has been faithful in the past, why should you not trust Him now? Pray yourself to sleep instead of permitting insomnia to gain another victory over you. The Father has already worked out everything concerning those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

9. (Bonus Lesson) Progress doesn't come unless you plan for it. You have to be intentional about the outcomes you want and expect from life. Good things don't happen by accident. Good things happen on purpose. Frankly, most accidents are horrible and shocking. That's not what you want for 2012. You want fruit from your sowing and progress for your pain. Sit down and write. Then plan. Then pray. Then get to work. The time for letting things just "happen" is past. 99% of the things that just happen are horrible. Plan and be diligent. That's what Solomon would advise you to do.

2012 can be your best year ever! I agree with that 100%. One thing I hate about the New Year, however, is all the hype that comes along with it. I can't stand seeing people get whipped up into a frenzy but without the shifts in mindset that will make a true, lasting difference. If you make these nine lessons become nine new habits by continual practice, I can guarantee things will never be the same for you!

1/2/12

31 Days to Healthier Relationships: A Recap

We started "31 Days to Healthier Relationships" with an objective of helping our readers gain greater understanding, wisdom and tools to have healthier relationships. We focused the entire month of December on one thing and one thing only: relational health! No complaining...no bitterness...no blaming allowed.

I feel like we succeeded! In case you missed any of it, I wanted to highlight a few of my favorite posts of the series. I can't cover everything, but here are a few you might want to go back and check out!

"His Needs, Her Needs: The Top 5 Things a Woman NEEDS!" - Learn the differences between what a woman needs as opposed to what she wants.

"His Needs, Her Needs: The Top 5 Things a Man NEEDS!" - What is NECESSARY for him to be fulfilled in a relationship with a woman?

"8 Keys to Talking to Men" - Men and women speak different languages. If you're concerned that he doesn't understand you, check this out.

"He Can Trust Her" - Solomon asked "A faithful man who can find?" and there's no doubt loyalty is still valued today...perhaps even more.

"Eliminating the Blame Game" - This article will help anybody get "unstuck" so they can move forward into happier and healthier relationships!

"Why Get Married At All?" - Marriage is under attack! Learn how to fight for it and how to battle for your's, too!

"While He Is Awaiting His Set Time" - One of our most popular posts addresses what to do while waiting for that special relationship.

"7 Reasons He Hasn't Taken the Plunge" - It's not always about you. Relax. Sometimes there is more going on than you see on the surface.

Please share your thoughts. Did anything stand out to you? Do you learn anything or have something you've always suspected confirmed? Let us here from you and share our He Who Finds a Wife and Be Worth Finding Facebook sites with your friends! And, as always, remember to Live BIG!!!